Marriage - So Who's Asking? / Lloyd

In 1967, when Judy and I were M Men-Gleaner leaders and first married, we found ourselves counseling women approaching age 30 that they could be much more active in getting married than waiting for Brother Right to propose.  

For women, we introduced strategic planning, preparation, and tactics, i.e., role playing, to help them better appreciate the dynamics involved.

For men, we emphasized courage and stepping up, but they didn't seem to need much encouragement then. Women, however, outnumbered men. So women getting married, especially to men already in the Church, was more competitive. 

48 years later, with men more inclined to just hang out, getting a proposal of marriage is even more challenging for women.

ruth, naomi & boaz

Ironically, the name Gleaner brings to mind Ruth.  She was an alien in Israel, and her mother-in-law Naomi gave her important guidance in helping Boaz admit to himself a certain affection towards Ruth, which he had misinterpreted as charity and helpfulness on his part.

Also, Boaz had an age-difference thing that Naomi neatly circumvented and cleared the way to forging an important link in the genealogy of Jesus Christ.

proposals - rules of thumb

Two rules of thumb I've noticed over the years:

First - Most men I know who are persistent in proposing after the woman declines several times end up wishing they hadn’t won. When she says “no,” believe her.

Second - Mostly, men are willing to propose when the woman has one way or another let him know first she will accept the proposal. The story of Ruth & Boaz fits here.

a modern marriage proposal

That said, I especially enjoy the following account of a modern marriage proposal:

I proposed to my husband and this summer we'll be celebrating our 10th anniversary!

We'd dated for a couple years, we were committed, happy and I didn't plan to ask. We were in the produce department and I don't remember what he said, but he made me laugh really hard and I just felt so happy and content and realized that all I needed was him. Spontaneously, I said, "So, you think you might want to get married?" He broke out in a huge grin and said, "Yeah, I think that might be a good idea." Seriously. That's our story. No ring. No getting down on one knee. And I still feel giddy remembering it. I think every relationship is different. Luckily, we don't subscribe to old conventions when it comes to ours.

We can't always trust our emotions--especially in a powerful, cinematic moment like a proposal. But I think that underneath the emotion, there's always something (cliche as it sounds) in your gut that tells you if it's the right thing to do. In our culture we accept that you should follow your heart and obey your instinct. I think that's all right, so long as you're NOT ignoring your deep down voice. Mine was telling me "yes" that day in the produce department, and thankfully, so was his. I knew it was the right thing. It still is. [Comment from Amy to blog post  Team Practical: Women Proposing to Men]

so who’s asking?

In truth, when carefully considered, “Who’s asking” is more often softly blurred, and that’s ok.