Redirecting from polarizing politics to what matters most / Lloyd

Judy and I wrote "She Says, He Says" from 2008 to 2017 with the intention of passing on lessons learned to our children with their growing families. That effort ended with the 2016 election. We got sidetracked by politics, the pandemic, and war.

Now that our grandchildren are marrying and beginning their own families, we’ve decided to refocus our posts on this blog and on social media posts to family issues.

In that process I took time to read and consider the 334 posts that started in Oct 2008, when we began "She Says, He Says," and to a degree I relived our documented challenges and concerns. Although a lot has changed in our world, having children and raising them continues to have a recognizable structure.

For Judy and me family life takes center stage. Deciding when to have children (Have a Baby - posted 5 Apr 2015), what constitutes successful day-to-day life (Women Are Powerful -- We Create the Culture - posted 17 Oct 2016), and how to help little children take responsibility for their lives, beginning with issues like staying in bed and getting to sleep at night (Solving Bedtime Problems - posted 12 Jan 2016) is the nitty-gritty of developing families. It's what matters most right now.

So now Judy and I will restart "She Says, He Says", which has been sitting idle since January 2017). In our Facebook posts we will reference the longer posts in "She Says, He Says" because they are more appropriate to a blog.

It is true that this blog already has many past political posts, which are what sidetracked us from what matters most in the first place. But from here on our focus will be more on family life.

God's Perfect, Imperfect Plan / Joshua Abbott

Mormonism may actually be the only religion that acknowledges that there are things that God cannot do, not because He does not want to, but because the power to do them does not exist, or that if He attempted to do them, He would actually cease to be God and all would collapse into chaos.

In a recent conversation relating to gays and lesbians in the LDS Church, a dear friend of mine said something that really stuck with me. He said something to the effect that he believed the Plan of Salvation is perfect, but that it doesn't seem so perfect in this instance.

To be honest, I'm not sure I would describe the Plan as perfect, at least not without a very bold asterisk. It reminds me of a quote by Winston Churchill: "it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government except for all those other forms that have been tried."

The problem with calling something "perfect" is that it can create certain implicit or subconscious expectations that the thing will be just as we would wish it to be, or that it would be free of negative aspects or terrible trade-offs. But such expectations are almost certain to be disappointed. I don't believe the Plan of Salvation is all that we would hope or wish it to be, but that it is perfectly designed to accomplish the purposes of a perfectly kind, loving, and merciful Father.

Similarly, when we say that God is "perfect," I don't understand that to mean that God is exactly as we would want or hope Him to be. Instead, I think it means that He lives in perfect compliance with eternal principles that govern all things, including Him. Or when we say He is "all-powerful," we don't mean He has the power to do anything, but, rather, that He has all the power there is. Mormonism may actually be the only religion that acknowledges that there are things that God cannot do, not because He does not want to, but because the power to do them does not exist, or that if He attempted to do them, He would actually cease to be God and all would collapse into chaos.  

So no, I don't think we can say that the Plan is subjectively "perfect" any more than we can say that God can do anything or even that God Himself is "perfect" by any mortal definition. This may sound like semantics, but choice of language often makes up the greater part of meaning.

In fact, in some ways, the Plan is even worse than we often acknowledge. Just by presenting the Plan, Heavenly Father lost a third of his children. Those were our brothers and sisters, whom we may have spent eons growing close to, and there's no reason to believe we loved them any less than those we grow to love in this life, or that they were somehow inherently evil or inferior to us; in fact, descriptions of Lucifer before his fall suggest just the opposite. They did not even get the option to elect the status quo ante and continue as spirits in Father's presence, but were cast out forever. To any true egalitarian, the "Plan of Happiness" would be judged an abject failure right from the start.

And it doesn't stop there. Those who opted to follow the Plan would suffer greatly in mortality--especially the innocent--and most will never regain the Father's presence, regardless of all their efforts and the Savior's sacrifice. Viewed in that way, it sounds like a terrible plan.

Yet, notwithstanding all of that, we literally shouted for joy when the Plan was adopted. I suppose one could argue that we did so naively, in lacking mortal experience, but we certainly weren't deceived about the realities of what lay ahead. Nor was our joy misplaced, because the Plan is also far more wonderful than we in the Church usually recognize. With very few exceptions (i.e., sons of perdition), everyone born on this earth will inherit a kingdom of glory. That's incredible, if you think about it. It means that any person you may talk to on the street most likely will, regardless of which Kingdom they inherit, become a being of such glory and light, that we in our current state could scarcely stand in their presence. That's not to say they (and we) won't have to go through great difficulties before getting there, but that will be the ultimate outcome.

We seem to have in Western society a cultural bias toward always being in first place, as if anything short of that were failure and that second place is just first loser. Sadly, that attitude seeps into our discussions of the Gospel as well. But if we could get a glimpse today of what the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom is really like, my guess is that we would fervently plead to opt out!

We might not even survive the experience of glimpsing it. Saying that most people will not inherit the Celestial Kingdom almost makes it sound like a popular nightclub with bouncers at the door to keep out the crowds of unworthy souls pressing to get in. But the likely reality is that no one currently living on earth would, in their right mind, want to enter, and most people never will want to, even in the resurrection. The only way we would ever actually want to experience that state of being is if, by then, we have become that type of being.

This is where the Savior's mission, and our role within that mission, come into play. In addition to a universal resurrection, the atonement accomplishes at least two other things:  

First, it relieves us of the pain and suffering we experience as the consequence of sin, both our own sins and those of others.

Second, it transforms us into beings with the capacity to receive the glory that comes with inheriting a kingdom of glory.

Christ's ongoing mission is to effect both of these changes for each of us to the greatest extent possible. Our divine privilege as members of His Church, is to be guided by the Holy Ghost to do and say the things that will help those around us receive these changes to the greatest extent possible, even as part of working out our own salvation with fear and trembling.

Ultimately, I really don't understand the purpose of mortal suffering. Anyone who has heard of, for example, child soldiers, has to question the existence of a loving God. Saying that the atonement is infinite is really just an admission that we, with our finite minds, won't be able to fully comprehend it in mortality.

It may turn out, however, that each of us knew and accepted the circumstances of our mortal life before coming here. If so, I like to think we did so with the understanding that those circumstances were individually tailored to optimize our individual progress toward eternal joy. In some cases, certain individuals may have been willing to accept particular conditions only with the assurance that you or I would find them during this life and provide them with the love and encouragement they would need.

Remember the Parable of the Divers, in which a young diving competitor who appeared to be doing badly on each dive actually won after accounting for the high degree of difficulty of the dives he was attempting. We can only perceive performance, but degree of difficulty is just as important. Based on that principle, I believe many of us will be surprised, if not shocked, by who we would meet in the Celestial Kingdom.

The only way through this or any difficulty is to hold onto faith. Faith is such a powerful thing because it opens the door to Hope, which in turn leads to Charity. And that's when everything changes.

Conception Fires the Expanding Universe / Lloyd

Contemplate the immensity of the Andromeda Galaxy exhibited by the Hubble Space Telescope pictures released 5 Jan 2015. And realize that conception came first, then homes were needed for God’s spiritual progeny.

Relative to our Earth, under direction of our Heavenly Father (Elohim) premortal Jehovah, Michael and presumably others planned, modeled, and created a suitable habitation for a mortal experience.

After its mortal purpose is completed, Earth is endowed with its celestial character and moved back to the center of celestial space near where God dwells, inhabited by those individuals who qualify for life in a celestial kingdom. Other habitations of lesser glory are established for individuals who qualify for terrestrial and telestial kingdoms.

Those men and women in the celestial kingdom who qualify for eternal family life then generate through conception their own families and the process continues. Thus conception firers the expanding Universe.

How tragic and short sighted that so many men and women in their mortal state so lightly treat the sacredness of the creative powers that reside within them. They completely disregard Elohim’s guidelines for Chastity that would have permitted them in the future, as intended, to conceive spiritual beings, children of their own, to people elements of a universe constantly expanding to provide eternal habitations.  

Without a major turnaround during mortality, they can never ever be principal players in this extraordinary eternal process.

Worlds Without Number for Mine Own Purpose / Lloyd

Pearl of Great Price: Moses 1:30, 33, 35, 38-39

And it came to pass that Moses called upon God, saying: Tell me, I pray thee, why these things are so, and by what thou madest them?  

. . . And worlds without number have I created; and I also created them for mine own purpose  

. . . But only an account of this earth, and the inhabitants thereof, give I unto you. For behold, there are many worlds that have passed away by the word of my power. And there are many that now stand, and innumerable are they unto man; but all things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them . . .

And as one earth shall pass away, and the heavens thereof even so shall another come; and there is no end to my works, neither to my words.

For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.   

Comment

God reveals to Moses that his purpose is to bring to pass man’s immortality (body and spirit -- a unified living soul, never again to be separated in death) and eternal life (eternal family life, or continuing progeny without end).

If family life is the work and glory of God and the purpose of his endless creations, then our behavior and desires contrary to this end will necessarily require a Savior and an Atonement and an acknowledgement through personal confession that we have been at odds with our Father-in-Heaven’s purposes -- but no longer.

No matter what kingdom we merit as a result of mortality, resurrected beings may not exist in rebellion to Heavenly Father.

The Truest Meaning of Safe Sex / Lloyd

Los Angeles Temple -- June 1967

It’s utterly remarkable to me that this year Judy & I will have in our family 20 adults and, through birth and adoption, 40 grandchildren. For us all in this turbulent world safety is everyone returning home to Heavenly Father. That is the ultimate purpose of family--getting everyone home safe.

It’s a wonder to me that a man and a women can coax a being from the spiritual realm into mortality by offering a physical body to that son or daughter of God. Mormon knowledge is that through the Atonement of Christ and obedience to the process laid out by Heavenly Father, families can be sealed together in Temples--either by being married by designated authority and having children within that marriage covenant or by qualifying to be sealed as a family unit of parents and children. Then they need to live the rest of their lives appropriately.

In a very real sense the only expression of human sexuality that allows for families and members of families to return safely to the presence of God, our Heavenly Father, and enjoy the blessing of continuing family is within the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. And those marriages and sealings are performed by authority in Temples of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Such is the truest definition and context of Safe Sex.

Neal A Maxell on a Universe Pulsating with Divine Purpose & Life / Lloyd

Elder Neal A. Maxwell through videos & quotes invites us to consider words of ancient prophets juxtaposed with the baffling scope of the universe.

As we consider the vastness of God's creations, it is significant to consider that we are the sole purpose of His existence: "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."

We cannot possibly appreciate the majesty and the complexity of the ongoing duties of galactic governance that rest upon Jesus Christ; but as the Shepherd, He did not merely create other worlds and then abandon them.

Even so, as the omniscient Creator, He does not rush to tell us things about these other worlds that we neither need to know nor could appreciate. 

Instead, what He tells us is what we need to know, including that which can reinforce us in our spiritual determination.

As immensely important as the truths about the physical universe are, they are not now that which we most need to know. 

Nephi had the proper sense of proportion: "I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.

Does not God even describe the immensity of the galaxies, the planets, and the stars, in lovable as well as understandable ways? 

Though He might do so in sweeping technical and astrophysical terms that we could not even understand, He asks us to think in a familial way about faithful Abraham's posterity one day being as numberless as the stars in heaven. 

What is presented is beckoning rather than overwhelming.

Further, we are asked to view the cosmos as evidence of "God moving in his majesty and power," attesting that, in God's work, souls matter most!

God's work is unimaginably difficult work. It is very real, very relentless and repetitive. His course is one eternal round, He has said. 

But His work is also His glory. And we, His children everywhere, are His work. We are at the center of His purposes and concerns. "We are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand."

Moreover, in the Pearl of Great Price, we read that "millions of earths" would be just a beginning to the number of the Lord's creations. 

However, as Enoch beheld them "stretched out" into space, his awe did not spring from the numerical or spatial dimensions of God's creations but, rather, from the implications underlying those numbers.

Enoch responded movingly and with awe—but it was over God's attributes, not His "acreage": "Thou art there [actuality], . . . thou art just; thou art merciful and kind forever [personality]"!

We cannot determine by using radio telescopes . . .  that there is a plan of salvation operating in the universe, helpful as radio telescopes are for astrophysical purposes. Salvational truths are obtainable only by revelation.

Please Note: All italics in text above are emphasis added - Lloyd

The Peace of God, Which Passeth All Understanding / Guest

My friend Bill Sydnor gave me permission to share his talk on "Peace" from Sacrament Meeting this Morning:

Peace

Sometimes when I wake up quite early, I go for a walk around the neighborhood. It's still dark. The streets and homes are quiet; everything is calm and still. In the east there is a hint of sunrise and the tree branches sway gently in the light breeze. I enjoy these early walks for the fresh air and for a sense of tranquility. It's a peaceful way to start a new day, and I usually find this invigorating and refreshing.

There are several kinds of peace: political, spiritual, and inner peace.

Political or Worldly Peace

The quest for enduring political peace is as old as civilization; mankind has a poor record of keeping treaties that promise an end to conflict. Over the past four or five thousand years, there have been wars in countries all over the globe, millions of lives lost in warfare, and untold suffering. Despite man's sincere effort to achieve lasting political peace, I believe this will be impossible to achieve until the Prince of Peace returns. Until we put off the natural man and become as a little child, until we learn to follow the will of the Father and not our own, we cannot enjoy world-wide peace. We cannot issue a mandate declaring peace and expect it to be followed. We begin to understand that lasting peace comes from within, not from without.

However, we can find peace in our personal lives, and promote peace within our home, amongst our family members, within our community, and wherever we are. We can be emissaries of peace. How is this to be accomplished? We must seek the Peace of God because it is a gift of the Spirit.

The Peace of God

If we are constantly concerned about such things as money, employment, and physical health, we are without the peace of God because we have become self-centered instead of God-centered. We are not placing our full trust in Him. We are saying, "Thank you God, but I can handle this myself." The Savior knew that there would be no peace on earth. In the book of John, he told his disciples, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 12:27) In Isaiah, the scriptures read, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee." (Isaiah 26:3)

From this sense of inner spiritual peace will come a sense of well-being and increased self-confidence. These are spiritual skills that need to be developed and come to us when we learn to put ourselves in his hands.

If we cannot legislate world peace, if we cannot make it come by decree, what can we do to bring peace into our lives? To feel the peace of God we must draw closer unto our Heavenly Father. We do this through prayer and meditation, seeking the gift of the Holy Ghost. We must stop what we are doing for awhile and turn our thoughts to our Father in Heaven. As we do so, the concerns of the world fall away for the time being.

Inner Peace

Prayer is essential to developing inner peace. When we offer prayer, we humble ourselves, acknowledge our weakness, and learn what we need to do to put ourselves in harmony with his will. If we do this regularly, life becomes more tranquil, more peaceful because we have the gift of the Holy Ghost, the Comforter. We have an inner knowing that our Heavenly Father cares about us, and that our lives are meaningful to him, and that he cares about each one of us individually. We are his spirit children. He knows our needs, our sorrows, and our joys.

Through prayer and meditation we learn to let the spirit flow into us, to comfort us. Each morning let our thoughts drift out over the coming day. Visualize each expected event and situation and the spirit prompting us each step of the way. We especially feel the Comforter by attending Church and by entering the Temple, truly away from the world for a time, to provide great service.

As an inner harmony and tranquility develops within us, others notice our increased ability to handle things, and peace spreads to them. A sense of compassion for others may arise, and we find ourselves in service to them.  We become more accepting of those about us and less judgmental.

In Paul's epistle to the Philippians, he closes with these words, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7) [Emphasis added]

This deep sense of endless peace is ours as a heritage. All we need to do is reach out for it, and it will become ours.

After the meeting Bill said that he chose the hymns for the service and especially appreciated the second verse from Hymn 114: Come Unto Him with emphasis on the second stanza. (Text by Theodore E. Curtis and Music by  Hugh W. Dougall.)

When I am filled with strong desire

And ask a boon of him, I see

No miracle of living fire,

But what I ask flows into me.

And when the tempest rages high

I feel no arm around me thrust,

But ev'ry storm goes rolling by

When I repose in him my trust.

Hope: Optimism vs. Pessimism / Lloyd

Today Dan Brown’s newest novel, The Lost Symbol comes out. Sunday’s Parade magazine quoted him:

"The power that religion has is that you think nothing is random: If there’s a tragedy in my life, that’s God testing me or sending me a message. That’s what conspiracy theorists do. They say, “The economy’s terrible? Oh, that’s not random. That’s a bunch of rich guys in Prague who sat down and…”

Sunday’s homily in our service by Ty Mackey on Hope: optimism vs. pessimism nicely puts Brown’s comments in perspective.

the struggle to understand hope

Brothers and Sisters, today I would like to share some thoughts with you regarding hope. Perhaps some of you can relate to my struggles regarding this gospel concept. Much of my life I perceived hope as “wishful thinking”—the equivalent of keeping your fingers crossed. After all, we often use the work “hope” to say things like, “I hope it doesn’t rain today.” I hope . . .” Consequently, I didn’t understand why hope was as important as the scriptures say it is or, for that matter, how to cultivate hope.

learned optimism — 

lessons from positive psychology

Recently I came across a body of research on optimism in the field of psychology often referred to as positive psychology. Much of this research has been summarized in a book called Learned Optimism [by Mark Seligman]. I would like to give you a short summary of that book and then relate it to what we know about hope from the scriptures.

Researchers in the field of positive psychology have found three important differences between individuals who are “optimists” and those that are “pessimistic.” These differences are rooted in the explanatory styles of these individuals—in other words, how people explain the successes and failures that they encounter in life.

pessimists tend to attribute failure and bad events to permanent, personal, and pervasive factors. For example, let’s say that a student does poorly on a math test in school.

● A pessimistic explanatory style might attribute this failure to permanent factors—things that will be with you throughout your life. Maybe the student would say, “I will never pass this class no matter how much I study,” “I will never learn this subject,” “I will never get good grades.”

● The pessimistic explanatory style might also attribute this failure to personal factors—things that relate to us as individuals. Maybe the student would say, “I will never pass this class no matter how much I study,” “I am not good at math.”

● Lastly, the pessimistic explanatory style might attribute this failure to pervasive factors—things that affect our abilities in other parts of our lives: “I am not good in school,” “I won’t be able to get a job after I graduate,” “I won’t be able to provide for a family”

optimists, on the other hand, tend to attribute bad events to non-permanent, non-personal, and non-pervasive factors. So their explanations for the failure might sound more like this:

● The failure is just temporary: “I just didn’t study enough this time; I will do better on the final exam.” “I didn’t feel well today, so I couldn’t concentrate.”  

● The failure is not personal: “The teacher didn’t prepare us well.”

● The failure is not pervasive: “This test was a timed-test. I am really good at tests when I have enough time. That’s why this one didn’t go well. I just didn’t have enough time.”

The research tells us that it doesn’t matter if the pessimistic explanatory style is actually more realistic than the optimistic explanatory style because the pessimistic style—again, even if more grounded in reality, can create what the researchers call a state of “learned helplessness.”

This occurs when an individual believes his failures are permanent, pervasive, and personal, and decides that nothing he does matters. As a result, he simply gives up. It should not be surprising that further research has found that learned helplessness, the belief that your actions will be futile, is a major cause of depression.

the infinite power of hope

As I read about research behind pessimism, optimism, learned hopelessness, and depression, I began to better understand what the scriptures and the prophets have for centuries said about the concept of hope. Hope, the neglected step-sibling of faith and charity, is the opposite of “learned helplessness” or despair. Hope is the belief that your actions actually matter.

Last October in General Conference President Uchtdorf spoke on the “Infinite Power of Hope.” He said:

“[Hope] is confidence that if we live according to God’s laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, and patient perseverance.”

Ours is a gospel of action, and hope is the driving force behind action.

faith to hope

President Uchtdorf also said,

“Faith, hope, and charity complement each other, and as one increases, the others grow as well. Hope comes of faith, for without faith, there is no hope. In like manner faith comes of hope, for faith is ‘the substance of things hoped for.’”

Faith is the belief in what God will do—that he will do what is in your best interests. Hope is belief that your actions matter. Faith leads to hope. Faith in God, a knowledge of His love for us, enables us to believe that our actions matter, because He supports our righteous actions. Hope is necessary for charity. We will not take actions to serve our fellow man if we do not believe our actions matter.

returning to learned optimism

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ, much is expected of us. We frequently fail to live up to what we want to be. If we attribute our failures to factors that are permanent and pervasive, dwelling on small shortcomings can translate into a paralyzing despair of learned helplessness. President Uchtdorf said,

“Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.”

how to build optimism/hope

For those who struggle with depression from learned helplessness, the research shows two strategies that are effective. The first is to distract oneself from the pessimistic thoughts that lead to despair.

The second is to actively dispute those thoughts, to find contrary evidence to refute pessimistic thinking. This contrary evidence needs to be based in reality. Daily self-affirmations (e.g., I’m good enough, I’m smart enough…) that are not backed up by evidence are not effective. Studies show that disputing negative beliefs is just as effective as antidepressants in combating depression in mild and moderate cases.

The gospel gives us the best evidence for disputing negative thoughts. Earlier, when I asked the question of whether the optimistic or pessimistic explanatory style is more accurate, I said that the research tells us that it doesn’t matter which is more accurate, because an optimistic style will make us happier.

But the gospel gives us a better answer: the pessimistic style is never accurate. A belief that our failures are the result of permanent and pervasive flaws in our character is not consistent with revealed truth. The Atonement of Jesus Christ gives us hope that our character can improve, and that our efforts to better ourselves and serve others do matter. President Uchtdorf continues,

“Because God has been faithful and kept His promises in the past, we can hope with confidence that God will keep His promises to us in the present and in the future. In times of distress, we can hold tightly to the hope that things will 'work together for [our] good' as we follow the counsel of God’s prophets. This type of hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges and gives strength to those who feel threatened by enclosing walls of fear, doubt, and despair.”

I testify that hope in Jesus Christ is the antidote to despair…