Pregnancy Over 40 / Lloyd

In our earlier posting, The Law of Sarah -- Option B, we noted:

Today, as the Lord hastens his work in a darkening and dangerous world the need is more critical than ever for faithful women to bring children into the world and nurture them in the faith, righteousness, and courage.

The mothers of the stripling warriors had demonstrated remarkable faith in their own lives. The women were among the CONVERTED Lamanites who made a covenant to never take up arms even in their defense rather than risk a return to shedding innocent blood and the eternal loss of forgiveness.

 
And God tested that resolve when the CONVERTED community prostrated selves on the ground and their enemy slew over a 1000 of them where they lay. These surviving tried and tested mothers understood that resolve and desire to obey are weighed by level of sacrifice.

Now when the people saw that they were coming against them they went out to meet them, and prostrated themselves before them to the earth, and began to call on the name of the Lord; and thus they were in this attitude when the Lamanites began to fall upon them, and began to slay them with the sword.

And thus without meeting any resistance, they did slay a thousand and five of them; and we know that they are blessed, for they have gone to dwell with their God.

Now when the Lamanites saw that their brethren would not flee from the sword, neither would they turn aside to the right hand or to the left, but that they would lie down and perish, and praised God even in the very act of perishing under the sword—

Now when the Lamanites saw this they did forbear from slaying them; and there were many whose hearts had swollen in them for those of their brethren who had fallen under the sword, for they repented of the things which they had done.

And it came to pass that they threw down their weapons of war, and they would not take them again, for they were stung for the murders which they had committed; and they came down even as their brethren, relying upon the mercies of those whose arms were lifted to slay them. (Alma 24:21-25)

 

Judy and I have decided that if ever there were women who demonstrated faith like the mothers of those stripling warriors, it would be faithful women who DESIRE children so much they would be WILLING to accept pregnancy and motherhood late in life -- even beginning in their 40's. This is true both for women who undertake live birth and those who battle for adoption.

These would be seasoned women who could coach their children in living true values. Judy and I recently found a Wikipedia article entitled Pregnancy Over 50. And all such women of record are listed. Overall, there aren't many on the list. 

How would the Lord approach an older couple about having children late in life, especially those who thought they already had their family or who were never able to have children themselves? Could that not be occasion for having one's Calling and Election Made Sure and a renewal of their bodies - the Lord selectively adjusting the laws that affect fertility and interceding for them to have the energy and ability to raise those children?

Surely husbands would need such a heavenly endowment to be able to support their wives emotionally and provide for them materially. It would require a level of faith and consecration practically commensurate to that of their wives.

Women Are Powerful -- We Create the Culture / Kristen Abbott Kleinman

Adam was pleased with his static inventory of neatly labeled stuff.

Then Eve put everything into dynamic play around Family --

gave her husband's stuff meaning and worth.

She Created Culture -- Lloyd

I believe that something essential is being forgotten. Women are powerful. After having eight boys and now this one little girl, I can see that although she is still so small, even she is powerful. She came knowing who she is, and already she shapes, inspires, and brings joy to everyone around her as she nurtures all of us.

Women are born with the God-given power to create and inspire through nurturing. We create the culture. We are the most powerful when we love and inspire men to create the structure so that we are free to focus on the culture-creating work that we are here to do. Whatever the world’s culture, we create it -- either through claiming our rightful place as women of power, or by abandoning our post through self-absorption or following the lie that the only power worth having is in the role of men.

What we currently see in the culture of the world is similar to what happens when mom is gone for the day and we are left with dad or an older kid in charge; although he is capable, everything's a little weird and full of sharp angles and hard edges. Except now mom has been gone for so long that everyone is stressed and overwhelmed. Instead of men having the confidence to protect and provide for the work of creation and growth, the destructive culture that we are limping along with in her absence is based on fulfilling the physical desires of men, and the very structure is crumbling around us.

As women, it’s time to wake up and remember who we are, the power we possess through nurturing, and what we are here to do. It's time to reclaim this culture. It’s time to recognize the significance for everyone in the culture-defining work we are here to do. It’s time to strengthen and inspire men with the power to stand up and fully embrace their role of providing structure and protection for our work, the work that brings peace, joy and growth for us all.

Have a Baby / Lloyd

I was a graduate student at Yeshiva University on a fellowship with a living stipend that included my wife and children. We had two daughters ages two and one, and we were stretching that stipend by living with another family and providing child care and household chores for room. We also paid a share of the food budget. They had two boys ages two and six and both parents worked full time.  We planned to continue having children after I finished my schooling and after daughters were in school.

Then Judy had an acute and painful health condition over several days. We gave her a blessing in which she was encouraged to communicate with her Heavenly Father - that He had important information for her, and it was important to listen. That fast Sunday the rest of us went to Church leaving her at home in bed.

When we returned home from Church Judy said that she had had a very personal, spiritual experience - that we should not wait until after graduate school to add to our family.

You know that feeling when a member of the bishopric or stake presidency calls and asks if he can stop by to visit? And after we accept the calling he has for us, and he takes his leave, our whole life is turned upside down. Heavenly Father can do that very directly without going through anyone else. Once we realized that Heavenly Father was taking a personal interest in our having children, we found ourselves rethinking our long term family planning.

In the end we’ve had nine children interspersed with four miscarriages. There was barely time to work everyone in. All nine are married. And now we have 46 grandchildren and 4 great grandchildren. [See note below.]

In these 55 years of marriage I’ve learned that Judy is the one authorized to receive inspiration about having children. It’s been my role to sustain her in that decision. Then we work it out together. Now our children are beginning to have grandchildren. Family continues to be a vital and exciting adventure.

[Note: The years of marriage and ultimate number of children have been updated in this article to current status as of 27 July 2022 for postings on Facebook and Twitter.]

A Field of Choice, Marriageable Non-Members

In an earlier post I introduced  Mariellen Stallard,  a mature and single graduate student with a 22-year old, disabled son. She met John Staley in class and shared the gospel and her testimony. Then John, who turned out to be a Catholic Priest, Benedictine Monk, and post-doctoral fellow in sociology, investigated the Church, attended the Philadelphia Ward, was baptized, married Sister Stallard, and eventually became a Professor of Sociology at Brigham Young University (teaching from 1969 to 1985.) I had just returned to the University of Pennsylvania from my mission in Guatemala in 1967 and met John Staley, heard his ringing testimony of the Restored Gospel, and witnessed his adoration for his wife.  

Hartman and Connie Rector published John Staley’s conversion story in “A Catholic Monk Finds Gospel Brotherhood,” No More Strangers, Vol. 1 p.19).  I showcased Mariellen because she is typical of many quiet, remarkable Mormon women who otherwise might be overlooked.  She found love and marriage later in a very full life.  And like three of our own children, she married a wonderful person who joined the Church after they met.

special, valiant spirits

The Lord prompted Mariellen to reach out to a non-member man and date. We could reasonably include John among the many choice men and women, some of them single, that the Lord has placed among specific non-member families of the world. In the words of Elder Eldred G. Smith, Presiding Patriarch of the Church,

“The teaching in the spirit world has continued since the crucifixion of Christ. This means many are accepting the teachings all the time. Their descendants are found in all the nations of the earth. To assist those who have accepted the gospel in the spirit world . . . the Lord has reserved special, valiant spirits who in the pre-existence were so strong that the Lord knew they would accept the gospel when they heard it . . .with a special mission to be a saving power to their ancestors . . . responsible for all their family research.” (See “Our Responsibility to Our Dead,” Eldred G. Smith, Conference Report, April 1962, pp. 65-67) Emphasis added.

a side note on hartman and connie rector

Hartman and Connie Rector were converts, and he became a General Authority - one of the First Seven Presidents of Seventy. In the 50's and 60's I experienced among some established Mormon families a view that their children needed to marry those who were born into the Church, but never converts.

In 1971 the Hartmans began publishing powerful accounts of baptized adults and their conversion stories in what became 4 volumes of the No More Strangers series. I always felt that these accounts were intended in part to facilitate full acceptance of new converts into the Church. 

Mormon demographics suggest that many more LDS women would face a diminished pool of marriageable men if converts were excluded and they weren't permitted to find mates among non-members. See The Disappearing Mormon Bachelor, NYTIMES.COM

Marriage - So Who's Asking? / Lloyd

In 1967, when Judy and I were M Men-Gleaner leaders and first married, we found ourselves counseling women approaching age 30 that they could be much more active in getting married than waiting for Brother Right to propose.  

For women, we introduced strategic planning, preparation, and tactics, i.e., role playing, to help them better appreciate the dynamics involved.

For men, we emphasized courage and stepping up, but they didn't seem to need much encouragement then. Women, however, outnumbered men. So women getting married, especially to men already in the Church, was more competitive. 

48 years later, with men more inclined to just hang out, getting a proposal of marriage is even more challenging for women.

ruth, naomi & boaz

Ironically, the name Gleaner brings to mind Ruth.  She was an alien in Israel, and her mother-in-law Naomi gave her important guidance in helping Boaz admit to himself a certain affection towards Ruth, which he had misinterpreted as charity and helpfulness on his part.

Also, Boaz had an age-difference thing that Naomi neatly circumvented and cleared the way to forging an important link in the genealogy of Jesus Christ.

proposals - rules of thumb

Two rules of thumb I've noticed over the years:

First - Most men I know who are persistent in proposing after the woman declines several times end up wishing they hadn’t won. When she says “no,” believe her.

Second - Mostly, men are willing to propose when the woman has one way or another let him know first she will accept the proposal. The story of Ruth & Boaz fits here.

a modern marriage proposal

That said, I especially enjoy the following account of a modern marriage proposal:

I proposed to my husband and this summer we'll be celebrating our 10th anniversary!

We'd dated for a couple years, we were committed, happy and I didn't plan to ask. We were in the produce department and I don't remember what he said, but he made me laugh really hard and I just felt so happy and content and realized that all I needed was him. Spontaneously, I said, "So, you think you might want to get married?" He broke out in a huge grin and said, "Yeah, I think that might be a good idea." Seriously. That's our story. No ring. No getting down on one knee. And I still feel giddy remembering it. I think every relationship is different. Luckily, we don't subscribe to old conventions when it comes to ours.

We can't always trust our emotions--especially in a powerful, cinematic moment like a proposal. But I think that underneath the emotion, there's always something (cliche as it sounds) in your gut that tells you if it's the right thing to do. In our culture we accept that you should follow your heart and obey your instinct. I think that's all right, so long as you're NOT ignoring your deep down voice. Mine was telling me "yes" that day in the produce department, and thankfully, so was his. I knew it was the right thing. It still is. [Comment from Amy to blog post  Team Practical: Women Proposing to Men]

so who’s asking?

In truth, when carefully considered, “Who’s asking” is more often softly blurred, and that’s ok.

What is "The Law of Sarah - Option B?" / Lloyd

Today, as the Lord hastens his work in a darkening and dangerous world the need is more critical than ever for faithful women to bring children into the world and nurture them in the faith, righteousness, and courage.

Satan has never ceased to wage war against the most essential aspect of mortality -- the very first commandment for Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth.

My own children and family friends have reported the need to remove themselves from more affluent Church congregations, where there was open hostility against having large families, to congregations where having children was celebrated and supported.

I’m reminded of my Grandmother’s branch in Philadelphia during the 1930’s. Couples felt constrained by social and economic pressures to have no more than two children. She said that when someone brought a baby to meetings the women would pass them around and hold them in great yearning. Nevertheless, she reported they felt duty bound to limit the size of their families. In her later years Grandmother wistfully commented, usually when holding one of our babies, that she wished she’d had more children.

Satan's negative influence aimed at curbing family size is felt not only in government policy & judicial decisions and private social agencies, but also in church congregations caught up in materialism.

How might God frustrate Satan in his war against faithful families and their righteous desire to have children?  By exercising Option B of the Law of Sarah.  By adjusting the current laws of human fertility, and thereby enabling and encouraging families to continue having children into their later years.

We recall that the Lord “commanded Abraham, and Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham to wife . . . because this was the law; and from Hagar sprang many people -- thus, fulfilling, among other things, the promises.” (See D&C 132:34)

“Option A” was Sarah when she was barren, giving another woman to her husband to wife and to have children as stipulated by the law of that dispensation.

“Option B” was God enabling Sarah to give birth in her advanced years. And it will be God again changing the biological affairs of having children by prolonging the fertility of women -- in some cases perhaps dramatically opening or reopening “closed” wombs so they might have the children they desire. Consider Sarah’s story (at age 90):

- And they [three holy men] said unto him, Where is Sarah thy wife? And he said, Behold, in the tent.

- And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.

- Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.

- Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?

- And the Lord said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?

- Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.

- Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh. (Genesis 18:9-15)

After she bore Isaac Sarah rejoiced and in lyrical delight proclaimed:

And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me. (Genesis 21:6)

What would be the effect in our generation should God change the management of affairs by extending the biological age of fertility among the faithful -- in a generation when few may be having children?

Some will celebrate and others will be deeply distressed

When the Lord chooses to exercise Option B of the Law of Sarah, when he has changed the management of affairs for having children, we in the Church and Satan will recognize that the Lord is weighing into this war with a clear demonstration of His power, intervention, and determination about the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. After all, providing mortal bodies for God's spirit children was the point of organizing this earth in the first place.

Women's Sacrifice / Judy

I want to quote part of an amazing article I recently read in Mormon Times: June 4, 2011. You can probably go to the paper itself for the whole article, but I'd like to quote the parts that impressed me the most. It's written by a woman who was sitting in church, seven months pregnant with five young children. She said the speaker was talking about pioneers and he told the story of the Sweetwater crossing when grown men and women sat down and cried on the banks of the half-frozen river because their strength was utterly spent. That day three young men carried dozens of people through the chunks of ice and onto the opposite bank.

 She said at that moment the Spirit whispered to her in a deep impression: Your sacrifice is like unto theirs. There are spirits on the other side needing to cross to this life and any pregnant woman is carrying them, one or two (usually) at a time so they can continue along their own path to Zion.

Then she quoted Paul in Romans 12:1: I beseech you, therefore, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy acceptable unto God...

Present your body as a living sacrifice. Sacrifice--from the Latin meaning to make sacred. She says that a couple years later she had a miscarriage and even then she felt strongly, it wasn't a waste. She wasn't sure exactly what she meant by that except that somehow, that great loss COUNTED. It was known by God and would, in some inexplicable way, contribute to His work and glory as well as to her personal holiness.

She continues, "I realized this is true for women in a variety of circumstances: women who try and try, but are unable to conceive; women who subject themselves to the rigors of adoption; women who remain single and must forego not only maternity but also intimacy on a number of levels.

"I came to this conclusion. Every woman of faith consecrates her body as a living sacrifice. Whether our particular burden is fullness or emptiness, each of us is pushing against the world's current with our eyes on the kingdom of God."

Yay Mothers! / Judy

I just finished a book by Nevada Barr called "Borderline" about her main protagonist, Anna Pidgin, who's a ranger in a national part.  All the books are about her solving mysteries in different national parks. Anna is a loner and a staunch feminist. In this book she's rafting down the Rio Grande when she rescues a newborn baby girl whose mother dies. For the whole book Anna is trying to escape a rising river, climb out of the canyons and running away from the bad guys who want to kill the baby for their own nefarious reasons. It's a real shock to Anna how protective she feels towards this baby and how caring for it changes her life. 

Towards the end she says:

"Anna mentally apologized to the mothers of the world for any stray thoughts she'd had over the years that they weren't brave enough, or smart enough, or productive enough. Doing anything, ANYTHING, with an infant in arms was a near impossibility: thinking, fighting, moving, working, eating. Helplessness was how she'd seen it, but it wasn't that the women couldn't do for themselves. It was that they could not do for themselves unless they sacrificed their child. That women often chose to have more than one child was mind-boggling; it must require the courage of several prides of lions. Courage that Anna had always lacked."

Hats off to all the courageous mothers I know!