Monday, December 29, 2014

I Like the Jewish Version of New Years Better / Judy


During the early years of our marriage we lived in Brooklyn while my husband went to graduate school at Yeshiva University, a private Jewish school in New York City. We lived in an orthodox Jewish neighborhood where some of the older people still had concentration camp tattoos on their forearms. The first September we were there, I was startled to hear people wishing each other "Happy Holidays," and "Happy New Year." In September?


I learned about the High Holy Days:  Rosh Hashanah (New Year) and Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement). During this holiday time, Psalm 27 is added to morning and evening prayers. I especially appreciate these verses from the Psalm:
 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?...
 One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple…
 Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me…
 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.


The month preceding Rosh Hashanah is designated as a month of introspection and repentance. It is customary to increase the giving of charity and to ask forgiveness from anyone you have wronged.


This  always seemed a better approach to the New Year than making foolish and meaningless "resolutions." In January the frenetic pace of the holidays is past and might be a good time for quiet contemplation.
  • Let's make it a time of reflection on our lives and consider where we have need of repentance.  
  • Let's increase our charity towards others, with both time and resources.
  • Let's try to increase our awareness of and sensitivity to their needs and suffering.
  • And let's ask forgiveness of those we have harmed in any way and at the same time, forgive those who have wronged us.


Perhaps this would continue the sweet spirit of Christmas as we re-consecrate our lives to God. Then we might be able to say with the psalmist, "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life…"  And we can face the upcoming year with greater courage and peace, no matter what it brings.


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Everyday Members in Concert with the Three Nephites / Lloyd


everyday members in concert 
with the three nephites



introduction


My first 6 years of life were cast in the 1940’s, a time of great  upheaval worldwide, a time of war and need for miracles.  In my early life I heard many stories regarding the Three Nephites helping members in need, but I haven’t heard such stories at all for many years now. They were similar to tales about “Eliyohu hanovi” (Elijah the Prophet) that I encountered studying Yiddish at the YIVO in Manhattan.  The Three Nephites and Eliyohu hanovi are translated beings (beings who didn’t taste death) who minister to God’s children in times of exigency and need.


Then I heard about Lara Kerr and Marina related below. I’ve thought perhaps the Lord’s people have reached the point where they are sufficiently sensitive to the Spirit’s prompting to bless others in need that the Three Nephites aren’t called upon so much.  For that reason the original title for this blog was “Everyday Members Instead of the Three Nephites.”


But just today a friend quietly shared a very personal and sacred experience that attested to the continuing reality of translated beings administering among us. Perhaps our people have learned that sacred things from the Lord are not to be shared at all without permission or spiritual prompting. Perhaps the Three Nephites and Eliyohu hanovi are as active as ever, especially when circumstances require the heavy lifting. They are now joined by many spiritually attuned men and women of faith who reach out in sacrifice and love.


At any rate as you read this account of the Lord prompting Lara to bless a stranger in her time of great need consider the Lord’s desire that His people be the salt and leavening to all God’s children to make life bearable and give hope in darkening times.  Seems very appropriate to share this account of God, Lara, and Marina at this season of the year the season of lights.



marina


[A true account taken from Lara’s personal journal without editing except for the change in Marina’s name to honor privacy.]


     Years ago when I was building a house, I made a weekly trek down to a building supply store an hour away because the prices were better. One night as I left the store, I had the distinct impression to go back inside and give fifty dollars to the cashier. I tend to get odd promptings at times, but this one seemed even stranger than usual. Mine was a very familiar face in that store, but I still felt uncomfortable about obeying the prompting.


     First, I was on an extremely tight budget. Fifty dollars would be sorely missed from my budget. Second, I wondered if the young cashier would think I was hitting on her. Third, I didn’t know how I could explain promptings to someone who looked so very tough. Marina had gang tattoos on her arms and on one hand. Her clothing, jewelry, language, and hair suggested a lifestyle far different from my sheltered life. I didn’t want to offend her.


     I drove away from the store, but the prompting kept returning. I argued with the Lord, offering all my objections and fears. Each “but, Lord” was answered with a quiet “Give her the money.” Finally I protested that I had the fifty dollars cash in my wallet, but I didn’t have anything to put it in. I was hesitant to have anyone see me handing her cash. I felt the urge to go into a Staples store and ask for an envelope. Feeling foolish, I did, explaining that I had a bit of an emergency. I returned to Marina’s work and hesitantly approached her, my hands shaking. She smiled, but her face said, “What did I do wrong?” I waited till there were no other customers in her line and then I handed her the envelope.


     “Don’t take this wrong, OK? I don’t know how to explain it to you, but I had the undeniable feeling that I should give this to you.” Her jaw dropped, and she opened the envelope. When she saw the money, her eyes filled and she looked at me with shock—and with obvious relief.  She counted the bills, and then she asked me how I knew.


     Tears streaming, she whispered, “You just saved my life.” By that time, I was crying, too. I said it was hard to explain, but I couldn’t deny the feeling. I told her I was nervous and feared she’d think I was being inappropriate, or that I was crazy.


     “I asked my family. I asked my friends. No one would lend me the money. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Then you walked in, a stranger—well, you’re not really a stranger, but you know what I mean...” She told me thank you, but I kept telling her to thank God, because He let me help her.


     “I’ll pay you back,” she whispered. Just then another customer came up to her checkstand, so I left. She never got the chance to explain why fifty dollars would save her life, but it didn’t really matter. I drove home, choking up every time I thought about the softening of her ordinarily hard and street-wise face as she whispered, “You saved my life.”


     I was in that store every Friday night for months, and I usually saw Marina. From time to time, she’d discreetly hand me two dollars or five dollars; and eventually, she paid it all back. She even sent me a small bouquet of flowers with a florist’s card saying she that hoped I wasn’t offended that she got my name and address from my check. No; I wasn’t offended. I was touched. I kept the little blue vase as a reminder of how much we need to listen to promptings.


     I saw Marina a few years after my house was finished. She was dressed in a soft blouse and her makeup was subdued and pretty. Her hairstyle was flattering and no longer extreme. She ran up to me, beaming, and extended her arms to show me something. Her very dark Hispanic skin bore swirly, cloud-like scars left by the tattoo removal. To me, it was so beautiful. It spoke of humbling; of safety; of change.


     “There’s a doctor here who lasers off gang tattoos for free,” she explained. “He took them all away for me.” She told me she had stopped hanging around with her gang-affiliated friends. She went back to school and became a medical assistant. She was working in a doctor’s office and she was happy.  This chance encounterthis “payback”—was a greater gift to me than the repaying of my dollars. I felt as though I’d been allowed to be a part of a transformation, a rebirth, an act of saving someone who clearly was precious to her Heavenly Father, because He didn’t let up until I listened to His plea to help rescue Marina.

Lara Kerr  August 2013

Monday, October 20, 2014

Why I Stopped My Facebook Account / Lloyd



I stopped my Facebook account because it made me weep. I close books and magazines and turn off videos, movies and internet sites that display the level of enmity that came up on Facebook from my friends, mostly Mormons. Many members of our Church fail to step beyond a worldly view to a more perceptive appreciation of the Lord's errand for his covenant people.

we are a warlike people - perverting the Savior’s teaching - we become anti-enemy instead of pro-kingdom of God

In his shot straight to the heart of this Church membership -- and it was not well received, President Spencer W. Kimball cried out:


We are a warlike people, easily distracted from our assignment of preparing for the coming of the Lord. When enemies rise up, we commit vast resources to the fabrication of gods of stone and steel—ships, planes, missiles, fortifications—and depend on them for protection and deliverance. When threatened, we become anti-enemy instead of pro-kingdom of God; we train a man in the art of war and call him a patriot, thus, in the manner of Satan’s counterfeit of true patriotism, perverting the Savior’s teaching:
“Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
“That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven.” (Matt. 5:44–45.)
We forget that if we are righteous the Lord will either not suffer our enemies to come upon us—and this is the special promise to the inhabitants of the land of the Americas (see 2 Ne. 1:7)—or he will fight our battles for us (Ex. 14:14; D&C 98:37, to name only two references of many). This he is able to do, for as he said at the time of his betrayal, “Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?” (Matt. 26:53.) We can imagine what fearsome soldiers they would be. (Pres. Spencer W. Kimball, “The False Gods We Worship,” 1976) [NOTE: Pres. Kimball may also have been responding to mounting economic & political pressure to base national defense missiles in Nevada & Utah. See culminating official statement: First Presidency Statement on Basing of MX Missile.]

mormon fear derives from ignorance of God’s plan for all of his children and our failure to minister to them all

But much Mormon fear derives from ignorance of God’s plan for his children -- all his children -- those who are Celestial bound and many more who are yet candidates for the indescribable glory of God’s innumerable other Kingdoms and of our role to reach out and minister to them.

there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness

President Boyd K. Packer lays the foundation for our roll to minister to all God’s children -- our brothers and sisters, to facilitate the continuing work of Christ's redemptive work:
When your desire is firm and you are willing to pay the “uttermost farthing,” the law of restitution is suspended. Your obligation is transferred to the Lord. He will settle your accounts.
I repeat, save for the exception of the very few who defect to perdition, there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. That is the promise of the atonement of Christ. (Pres. Boyd K. Packer, “The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness,” 1995)


forgiveness does not, however, necessarily assure exaltation

At the time of this General Conference address I was facilitating Alternatives to Violence (AVP) sessions in the Maryland State Prison System and wrote to President Packer and asked him if this promise that “no habit, no addition, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness” applied to those among the inmates I worked with who had murdered.
He wrote back and directed me to read the following note printed in the Ensign that was not included in the original spoken address:
15. Forgiveness will come eventually to all repentant souls who have not committed the unpardonable sin (see Matt. 12:31). Forgiveness does not, however, necessarily assure exaltation, as is the case with David (see D&C 132:38–39; see also Ps. 16:10; Acts 2:25–27; Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 339).
Then President Packer added in his return note that I was doing a good work with these men and would be blessed in my efforts on their behalf. His encouragement was totally consistent with the following story Pres. Packer included in the same general conference address:


Jesus had not finished his work when his body was slain, neither did he finish it after his resurrection from the dead -- not until he has redeemed and saved every son and daughter of our father Adam

Some years ago I was in Washington, D.C., with President Harold B. Lee. Early one morning he called me to come into his hotel room. He was sitting in his robe reading Gospel Doctrine, by President Joseph F. Smith, and he said, “Listen to this!
“‘Jesus had not finished his work when his body was slain, neither did he finish it after his resurrection from the dead; although he had accomplished the purpose for which he then came to the earth, he had not fulfilled all his work. And when will he? Not until he has redeemed and saved every son and daughter of our father Adam that have been or ever will be born upon this earth to the end of time, except the sons of perdition. That is his mission. We will not finish our work until we have saved ourselves, and then not until we shall have saved all depending upon us; for we are to become saviors upon Mount Zion, as well as Christ. We are called to this mission.’”


many of us are invited to assist God’s non-celestial-bound children

As President Packer explained above, saved and forgiveness do “not necessarily assure exaltation.” Notwithstanding, Jesus’ work of redemption is not completed “until he has redeemed and saved every son and daughter of our father Adam that have ever been or ever will be born upon this earth to the end of time, except the sons of perdition.” That is his mission, and many of us are invited to assist God’s non-Celestial-bound children as they work through the individually tailored process of redemption that Jesus Christ currently presides over. This process prepares every soul for the glory of the kingdom they will enter.


we cannot know the ultimate judgement of those we work with -- therefore the same dignity and respect towards all

And lest we assume a superior or condescending attitude we must understand that we ourselves are not ultimate judges of any of God’s children. We don’t who know the special circumstances of those we encounter and their ultimate glory. So we treat all we meet with dignity and respect. Besides, a perceived disrespectful attitude not only nullifies attempts to reach out but among some populations will get you seriously hurt. "Disrespected" can be dangerous.


when the new thing arrives - do not say it is blessed - do not say it is cursed - say it is here

I was graduated with an undergraduate degree in Linguistics by the University of Pennsylvania. Recently, during an interview published in the Summer 2014 PENN Arts and Sciences Magazine, Professor William Labov at Penn reflected on his life’s work in Linguistics and about those men and women he’s worked with through his career -- so true to my own life’s experience over many venues:
Asked about grammar, he references Steven Vincent Benet’s poem “John Brown’s Body” to explain how linguists approach language change: “When the new thing arrives, do not say it is blessed. Do not say it is cursed. Say it is here.” That’s also his attitude toward those who are speaking. “I think the most important thing about field work is that you have to accept people as they are, and you have to let them know that you’re ready to hear anything they have to say,” Labov says. “And I would say that the best thing that happened to me is that, talking to lots of people, I’ve fallen in love with the human race.”  (Susan Ahlborn, “Giving Voice: William LaBov on the Human Core of Language” )
The women’s movement, the civil rights movement, the presence of undocumented aliens, the gay rights movement -- including same sex marriage, and the current United States President, who was declared legally and lawfully elected not only once but twice -- for those who didn't get it the first time, have arrived. They are all here now and define our current field of labor.


mormons, to do the work of God, have to begin not with fear and enmity toward what has arrived but by accepting people as they are -- ready to hear their story

Mormons, to do the work of God, have to begin not with fear and hatred of what has arrived but by accepting people as they are and have to be ready to hear their story. That’s the starting point -- and an eternal endowment of love that allows us to participate in the redeeming work of Jesus Christ of all God’s children will be ours to claim.  Not warlike, rather pro-kingdom of God.


we have a more generous and Christ-like work to perform

I am deeply concerned that the hatred expressed by the fearful and ignorant -- especially among members of our Mormon Community and our own extended family -- will contaminate my children and grandchildren. Judy and I strive unceasingly to lift them above it. Truly, we all have a more generous and Christ-like work to perform.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Stay In the Boat / Judy




stay in the boat!



From the Huffington Post dated July 24, 2014:


Nearly 500 Mormons joined a Facebook event for a mass resignation from the LDS Church on Thursday to protest the recent excommunication of Kate Kelly and disciplining of John Dehlin, two prominent activists in the Mormon community.


Give me a break!

These days, we in the church are all trying to stay afloat in a lifeboat in shark-infested waters. Now sometimes we may not like the other people in the boat with us. Or we may not agree with those who are leading us. Or maybe we’re uncomfortable for whatever reason. But no matter what, how stupid is it to jump out of the boat right into the jaws of the hungry sharks!





The fact is, we have a prophet of God in the boat with us, and God Himself has promised that this prophet will never lead His people down the wrong path. In fact, he is doing all in his power to help us get safely home. Didn’t these people ever sing, “Follow the Prophet” in Primary? Didn’t they understand what they were saying and why it’s important?


One of the best things I’ve ever seen about the importance of staying within the church was a talk by Brad Wilcox called “His Grace is Sufficient.” Below is an excerpt from that talk:


“We will all be resurrected. We will all go back to God’s presence. What is left to be determined by our obedience is what kind of body we plan on being resurrected with and how comfortable we plan to be in God’s presence.


“But the older I get,...the more I realize that in the final judgment it will not be the unrepentant sinner begging Jesus, 'Let me stay.' No, he will probably be saying, 'Get me out of here!' Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if anyone is going to be begging on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, 'Please, choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to stay.'


“The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can go home but that—miraculously—we can feel at home there. If Christ did not require faith and repentance, then there would be no desire to change.


“Think of your friends and family members who have chosen to live without faith and without repentance. They don’t want to change. They are not trying to abandon sin and become comfortable with God. Rather, they are trying to abandon God and become comfortable with sin.


"...there should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time."


I hope I can always say with Joshua, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” And that means listening to His appointed one. And taking the time to learn what God wants us to know -- to be what God wants us to become.


Whatever happens, however you feel, no matter if you’re offended or hurt or disagree, you are still much better off, not to mention safer, if you just stay in the boat!



Friday, July 11, 2014

Milestone -- Over 50,000 Page Views / Judy & Lloyd




We started our blog She Says, He Says in October 2008 and recently achieved a milestone of sorts by registering more than 50,000 page views over the course of the blog.

This post lists Our Most Read Posts Ever - the 10 posts that our readers chose to view the most often (averaging 600 views each)

She Says, He Says has a worldwide readership with most significant participation from the United States, Germany, Russia, United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, Brazil, Malaysia, Ukraine, and Poland.

Thank you for choosing to read She Says, He Says

-- Judy and Lloyd


Our Most Read Posts Ever

Clicking on a title will take you to the post.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Amazing Strength in Families / Judy & Lloyd


JUDY: I recently saw this on YouTube and it really affected me. I think it shows the strength and power of families:

Along with this, I recently read that military marriages are surprisingly resilient. We hear lots about how military divorce rates are increasing and how veterans have all sorts of other dire problems. In fact, what is not reported is that the military divorce rate is still way below the national average for divorce compared to the civilian population. A strong, loving, committed family is one of the best sources for healing--whatever the wound. As you can see in these YouTube pictures, love is a powerful force for good, and it's in families that this kind of healing love is found.



LLOYD:  I remember a particular Brother who came before a Stake Disciplinary Council with his Bishop. And I wondered how his situation would ever be resolved for him and his family. Both the Bishop and Stake President reported that the man's wife had accepted his deep remorse and was a major support to her husband in his repentance process, and their children had rallied around them both. I watched this happen and have thought about it often.

Years later one of the younger daughters of this family referred obliquely to their family trial and then commented on the amazing influence of love they had all experienced. The daughter was recently married and said that this personal family experience had given her great strength and increased her understanding and faith in the power of a covenant marriage.  The family not only remained intact but has also been productive and healthy in every aspect.

Judy once had occasion to tell me, "Lloyd, this isn't about you, or about me, or even about us. It's about our covenant with the Lord and to this marriage."  The deep affection between husband and wife, and father and children demonstrated above in "Soldier Homecoming Surprise" only hints at the power available through family bonds and a covenant marriage.

Originally posted in She Says, He Says, May 2012.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

What is "The Law of Sarah - Option B?" / Lloyd

Today, as the Lord hastens his work in a darkening and dangerous world the need is more critical than ever for faithful women to bring children into the world and nurture them in the faith, righteousness, and courage.

Satan has never ceased to wage war against the most essential aspect of mortality -- the very first commandment for Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth.

My own children and family friends have reported the need to remove themselves from more affluent Church congregations, where there was open hostility against having large families, to congregations where having children was celebrated and supported.

I’m reminded of my Grandmother’s branch in Philadelphia during the 1930’s. Couples felt constrained by social and economic pressures to have no more than two children. She said that when someone brought a baby to meetings the women would pass them around and hold them in great yearning. Nevertheless, she reported they felt duty bound to limit the size of their families. In her later years Grandmother wistfully commented, usually when holding one of our babies, that she wished she’d had more children.

Satan's negative influence aimed at curbing family size is felt not only in government policy & judicial decisions and private social agencies, but also in church congregations caught up in materialism.

How might God frustrate Satan in his war against faithful families and their righteous desire to have children?  By exercising Option B of the Law of Sarah.  By adjusting the current laws of human fertility, and thereby enabling and encouraging families to continue having children into their later years.

We recall that the Lord “commanded Abraham, and Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham to wife . . . because this was the law; and from Hagar sprang many people -- thus, fulfilling, among other things, the promises.” (See D&C 132:34)

“Option A” was Sarah when she was barren, giving another woman to her husband to wife and to have children as stipulated by the law of that dispensation.

“Option B” was God enabling Sarah to give birth in her advanced years. And it will be God again changing the biological affairs of having children by prolonging the fertility of women -- in some cases perhaps dramatically opening or reopening “closed” wombs so they might have the children they desire. Consider Sarah’s story (at age 90):

- And they [three holy men] said unto him, Where is Sarah thy wife? And he said, Behold, in the tent.
- And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.
- Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.
- Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?
- And the Lord said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?
- Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.
- Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh. (Genesis 18:9-15)

After she bore Isaac Sarah rejoiced and in lyrical delight proclaimed:

And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me. (Genesis 21:6)

What would be the effect in our generation should God change the management of affairs by extending the biological age of fertility among the faithful -- in a generation when few may be having children?

Some will celebrate and others will be deeply distressed

When the Lord chooses to exercise Option B of the Law of Sarah, when he has changed the management of affairs for having children, we in the Church and Satan will recognize that the Lord is weighing into this war with a clear demonstration of His power, intervention, and determination about the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. After all, providing mortal bodies for God's spirit children was the point of organizing this earth in the first place.




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Have a Baby / Lloyd

I was a graduate student at Yeshiva University on a fellowship with a living stipend that included my wife and children. We had two daughter...