Monday, October 20, 2014

Why I Stopped My Facebook Account / Lloyd



I stopped my Facebook account because it made me weep. I close books and magazines and turn off videos, movies and internet sites that display the level of enmity that came up on Facebook from my friends, mostly Mormons. Many members of our Church fail to step beyond a worldly view to a more perceptive appreciation of the Lord's errand for his covenant people.

we are a warlike people - perverting the Savior’s teaching - we become anti-enemy instead of pro-kingdom of God

In his shot straight to the heart of this Church membership -- and it was not well received, President Spencer W. Kimball cried out:


We are a warlike people, easily distracted from our assignment of preparing for the coming of the Lord. When enemies rise up, we commit vast resources to the fabrication of gods of stone and steel—ships, planes, missiles, fortifications—and depend on them for protection and deliverance. When threatened, we become anti-enemy instead of pro-kingdom of God; we train a man in the art of war and call him a patriot, thus, in the manner of Satan’s counterfeit of true patriotism, perverting the Savior’s teaching:
“Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
“That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven.” (Matt. 5:44–45.)
We forget that if we are righteous the Lord will either not suffer our enemies to come upon us—and this is the special promise to the inhabitants of the land of the Americas (see 2 Ne. 1:7)—or he will fight our battles for us (Ex. 14:14; D&C 98:37, to name only two references of many). This he is able to do, for as he said at the time of his betrayal, “Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?” (Matt. 26:53.) We can imagine what fearsome soldiers they would be. (Pres. Spencer W. Kimball, “The False Gods We Worship,” 1976) [NOTE: Pres. Kimball may also have been responding to mounting economic & political pressure to base national defense missiles in Nevada & Utah. See culminating official statement: First Presidency Statement on Basing of MX Missile.]

mormon fear derives from ignorance of God’s plan for all of his children and our failure to minister to them all

But much Mormon fear derives from ignorance of God’s plan for his children -- all his children -- those who are Celestial bound and many more who are yet candidates for the indescribable glory of God’s innumerable other Kingdoms and of our role to reach out and minister to them.

there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness

President Boyd K. Packer lays the foundation for our roll to minister to all God’s children -- our brothers and sisters, to facilitate the continuing work of Christ's redemptive work:
When your desire is firm and you are willing to pay the “uttermost farthing,” the law of restitution is suspended. Your obligation is transferred to the Lord. He will settle your accounts.
I repeat, save for the exception of the very few who defect to perdition, there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. That is the promise of the atonement of Christ. (Pres. Boyd K. Packer, “The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness,” 1995)


forgiveness does not, however, necessarily assure exaltation

At the time of this General Conference address I was facilitating Alternatives to Violence (AVP) sessions in the Maryland State Prison System and wrote to President Packer and asked him if this promise that “no habit, no addition, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness” applied to those among the inmates I worked with who had murdered.
He wrote back and directed me to read the following note printed in the Ensign that was not included in the original spoken address:
15. Forgiveness will come eventually to all repentant souls who have not committed the unpardonable sin (see Matt. 12:31). Forgiveness does not, however, necessarily assure exaltation, as is the case with David (see D&C 132:38–39; see also Ps. 16:10; Acts 2:25–27; Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 339).
Then President Packer added in his return note that I was doing a good work with these men and would be blessed in my efforts on their behalf. His encouragement was totally consistent with the following story Pres. Packer included in the same general conference address:


Jesus had not finished his work when his body was slain, neither did he finish it after his resurrection from the dead -- not until he has redeemed and saved every son and daughter of our father Adam

Some years ago I was in Washington, D.C., with President Harold B. Lee. Early one morning he called me to come into his hotel room. He was sitting in his robe reading Gospel Doctrine, by President Joseph F. Smith, and he said, “Listen to this!
“‘Jesus had not finished his work when his body was slain, neither did he finish it after his resurrection from the dead; although he had accomplished the purpose for which he then came to the earth, he had not fulfilled all his work. And when will he? Not until he has redeemed and saved every son and daughter of our father Adam that have been or ever will be born upon this earth to the end of time, except the sons of perdition. That is his mission. We will not finish our work until we have saved ourselves, and then not until we shall have saved all depending upon us; for we are to become saviors upon Mount Zion, as well as Christ. We are called to this mission.’”


many of us are invited to assist God’s non-celestial-bound children

As President Packer explained above, saved and forgiveness do “not necessarily assure exaltation.” Notwithstanding, Jesus’ work of redemption is not completed “until he has redeemed and saved every son and daughter of our father Adam that have ever been or ever will be born upon this earth to the end of time, except the sons of perdition.” That is his mission, and many of us are invited to assist God’s non-Celestial-bound children as they work through the individually tailored process of redemption that Jesus Christ currently presides over. This process prepares every soul for the glory of the kingdom they will enter.


we cannot know the ultimate judgement of those we work with -- therefore the same dignity and respect towards all

And lest we assume a superior or condescending attitude we must understand that we ourselves are not ultimate judges of any of God’s children. We don’t who know the special circumstances of those we encounter and their ultimate glory. So we treat all we meet with dignity and respect. Besides, a perceived disrespectful attitude not only nullifies attempts to reach out but among some populations will get you seriously hurt. "Disrespected" can be dangerous.


when the new thing arrives - do not say it is blessed - do not say it is cursed - say it is here

I was graduated with an undergraduate degree in Linguistics by the University of Pennsylvania. Recently, during an interview published in the Summer 2014 PENN Arts and Sciences Magazine, Professor William Labov at Penn reflected on his life’s work in Linguistics and about those men and women he’s worked with through his career -- so true to my own life’s experience over many venues:
Asked about grammar, he references Steven Vincent Benet’s poem “John Brown’s Body” to explain how linguists approach language change: “When the new thing arrives, do not say it is blessed. Do not say it is cursed. Say it is here.” That’s also his attitude toward those who are speaking. “I think the most important thing about field work is that you have to accept people as they are, and you have to let them know that you’re ready to hear anything they have to say,” Labov says. “And I would say that the best thing that happened to me is that, talking to lots of people, I’ve fallen in love with the human race.”  (Susan Ahlborn, “Giving Voice: William LaBov on the Human Core of Language” )
The women’s movement, the civil rights movement, the presence of undocumented aliens, the gay rights movement -- including same sex marriage, and the current United States President, who was declared legally and lawfully elected not only once but twice -- for those who didn't get it the first time, have arrived. They are all here now and define our current field of labor.


mormons, to do the work of God, have to begin not with fear and enmity toward what has arrived but by accepting people as they are -- ready to hear their story

Mormons, to do the work of God, have to begin not with fear and hatred of what has arrived but by accepting people as they are and have to be ready to hear their story. That’s the starting point -- and an eternal endowment of love that allows us to participate in the redeeming work of Jesus Christ of all God’s children will be ours to claim.  Not warlike, rather pro-kingdom of God.


we have a more generous and Christ-like work to perform

I am deeply concerned that the hatred expressed by the fearful and ignorant -- especially among members of our Mormon Community and our own extended family -- will contaminate my children and grandchildren. Judy and I strive unceasingly to lift them above it. Truly, we all have a more generous and Christ-like work to perform.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Stay In the Boat / Judy




stay in the boat!



From the Huffington Post dated July 24, 2014:


Nearly 500 Mormons joined a Facebook event for a mass resignation from the LDS Church on Thursday to protest the recent excommunication of Kate Kelly and disciplining of John Dehlin, two prominent activists in the Mormon community.


Give me a break!

These days, we in the church are all trying to stay afloat in a lifeboat in shark-infested waters. Now sometimes we may not like the other people in the boat with us. Or we may not agree with those who are leading us. Or maybe we’re uncomfortable for whatever reason. But no matter what, how stupid is it to jump out of the boat right into the jaws of the hungry sharks!





The fact is, we have a prophet of God in the boat with us, and God Himself has promised that this prophet will never lead His people down the wrong path. In fact, he is doing all in his power to help us get safely home. Didn’t these people ever sing, “Follow the Prophet” in Primary? Didn’t they understand what they were saying and why it’s important?


One of the best things I’ve ever seen about the importance of staying within the church was a talk by Brad Wilcox called “His Grace is Sufficient.” Below is an excerpt from that talk:


“We will all be resurrected. We will all go back to God’s presence. What is left to be determined by our obedience is what kind of body we plan on being resurrected with and how comfortable we plan to be in God’s presence.


“But the older I get,...the more I realize that in the final judgment it will not be the unrepentant sinner begging Jesus, 'Let me stay.' No, he will probably be saying, 'Get me out of here!' Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if anyone is going to be begging on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, 'Please, choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to stay.'


“The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can go home but that—miraculously—we can feel at home there. If Christ did not require faith and repentance, then there would be no desire to change.


“Think of your friends and family members who have chosen to live without faith and without repentance. They don’t want to change. They are not trying to abandon sin and become comfortable with God. Rather, they are trying to abandon God and become comfortable with sin.


"...there should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time."


I hope I can always say with Joshua, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” And that means listening to His appointed one. And taking the time to learn what God wants us to know -- to be what God wants us to become.


Whatever happens, however you feel, no matter if you’re offended or hurt or disagree, you are still much better off, not to mention safer, if you just stay in the boat!



Friday, July 11, 2014

Milestone -- Over 50,000 Page Views / Judy & Lloyd




We started our blog She Says, He Says in October 2008 and recently achieved a milestone of sorts by registering more than 50,000 page views over the course of the blog.

This post lists Our Most Read Posts Ever - the 10 posts that our readers chose to view the most often (averaging 600 views each)

She Says, He Says has a worldwide readership with most significant participation from the United States, Germany, Russia, United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, Brazil, Malaysia, Ukraine, and Poland.

Thank you for choosing to read She Says, He Says

-- Judy and Lloyd


Our Most Read Posts Ever

Clicking on a title will take you to the post.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Amazing Strength in Families / Judy & Lloyd


JUDY: I recently saw this on YouTube and it really affected me. I think it shows the strength and power of families:

Along with this, I recently read that military marriages are surprisingly resilient. We hear lots about how military divorce rates are increasing and how veterans have all sorts of other dire problems. In fact, what is not reported is that the military divorce rate is still way below the national average for divorce compared to the civilian population. A strong, loving, committed family is one of the best sources for healing--whatever the wound. As you can see in these YouTube pictures, love is a powerful force for good, and it's in families that this kind of healing love is found.



LLOYD:  I remember a particular Brother who came before a Stake Disciplinary Council with his Bishop. And I wondered how his situation would ever be resolved for him and his family. Both the Bishop and Stake President reported that the man's wife had accepted his deep remorse and was a major support to her husband in his repentance process, and their children had rallied around them both. I watched this happen and have thought about it often.

Years later one of the younger daughters of this family referred obliquely to their family trial and then commented on the amazing influence of love they had all experienced. The daughter was recently married and said that this personal family experience had given her great strength and increased her understanding and faith in the power of a covenant marriage.  The family not only remained intact but has also been productive and healthy in every aspect.

Judy once had occasion to tell me, "Lloyd, this isn't about you, or about me, or even about us. It's about our covenant with the Lord and to this marriage."  The deep affection between husband and wife, and father and children demonstrated above in "Soldier Homecoming Surprise" only hints at the power available through family bonds and a covenant marriage.

Originally posted in She Says, He Says, May 2012.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

What is "The Law of Sarah - Option B?" / Lloyd

Today, as the Lord hastens his work in a darkening and dangerous world the need is more critical than ever for faithful women to bring children into the world and nurture them in the faith, righteousness, and courage.

Satan has never ceased to wage war against the most essential aspect of mortality -- the very first commandment for Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth.

My own children and family friends have reported the need to remove themselves from more affluent Church congregations, where there was open hostility against having large families, to congregations where having children was celebrated and supported.

I’m reminded of my Grandmother’s branch in Philadelphia during the 1930’s. Couples felt constrained by social and economic pressures to have no more than two children. She said that when someone brought a baby to meetings the women would pass them around and hold them in great yearning. Nevertheless, she reported they felt duty bound to limit the size of their families. In her later years Grandmother wistfully commented, usually when holding one of our babies, that she wished she’d had more children.

Satan's negative influence aimed at curbing family size is felt not only in government policy & judicial decisions and private social agencies, but also in church congregations caught up in materialism.

How might God frustrate Satan in his war against faithful families and their righteous desire to have children?  By exercising Option B of the Law of Sarah.  By adjusting the current laws of human fertility, and thereby enabling and encouraging families to continue having children into their later years.

We recall that the Lord “commanded Abraham, and Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham to wife . . . because this was the law; and from Hagar sprang many people -- thus, fulfilling, among other things, the promises.” (See D&C 132:34)

“Option A” was Sarah when she was barren, giving another woman to her husband to wife and to have children as stipulated by the law of that dispensation.

“Option B” was God enabling Sarah to give birth in her advanced years. And it will be God again changing the biological affairs of having children by prolonging the fertility of women -- in some cases perhaps dramatically opening or reopening “closed” wombs so they might have the children they desire. Consider Sarah’s story (at age 90):

- And they [three holy men] said unto him, Where is Sarah thy wife? And he said, Behold, in the tent.
- And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.
- Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.
- Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?
- And the Lord said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?
- Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.
- Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh. (Genesis 18:9-15)

After she bore Isaac Sarah rejoiced and in lyrical delight proclaimed:

And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me. (Genesis 21:6)

What would be the effect in our generation should God change the management of affairs by extending the biological age of fertility among the faithful -- in a generation when few may be having children?

Some will celebrate and others will be deeply distressed

When the Lord chooses to exercise Option B of the Law of Sarah, when he has changed the management of affairs for having children, we in the Church and Satan will recognize that the Lord is weighing into this war with a clear demonstration of His power, intervention, and determination about the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. After all, providing mortal bodies for God's spirit children was the point of organizing this earth in the first place.




Thursday, June 26, 2014

The Power of a Lie / Judy




A year or so ago, realizing we’d been in this house for two years, we decided we should probably have our furnace system checked. I remember my dad had his inspected every year, usually before winter, to make sure it was all working well.


Not knowing who we should call about it, we decided to go with a business that often sends postcards in the mail. They came to inspect our system and here’s what they told us: the whole system had not been put in very well, there was a severe crack in the component in the attic, the thermostat or whatever regulated the heat was not working so it was running too hot and was actually dangerous as it might start a fire, and finally that there was a carbon monoxide leak. Of course we felt fortunate we hadn’t woken up dead some morning.
In a slight panic, we asked what to do. Well, they said kindly, we will come and replace the whole thing for you. And since you don’t want an old air conditioner tied to a new furnace, we’d better replace that too. All for the reasonable cost of about $10,000. But afterwards we could be assured all was safe and in good repair.  AAACCCKKK!


Since that was quite a bit of money, we thought it prudent to get a second opinion and called the people my dad used. When that man came, we told him what we’d been told and he checked everything and said it was all untrue. There was nothing wrong with any part of our furnace and it was not dangerous at all.


But a lie is so potent, it changes your perception of reality, and we still weren't sure we were safe. So then we called the gas company itself and they sent out an inspector at no charge and he said the same thing as the second man. Turns out all we needed to do was change our filter and then have an inspection once or twice a year.


But how do we detect lies? In the case of the heating company, the continuous belittling and accusations of the first salesman about our system and even about the home builder made us both very uncomfortable.  It wasn't just about the money; he had a snarky attitude. So we sought other professional assessments. But even after these positive assurances about our system, we felt unsettled for months. The power of a lie -- very difficult to break its hold.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Memories of Our Own / Judy



wedding brainstorm

We had a fairly inexpensive wedding but I thought it was VERY nice. The only thing I did for it was to buy my dress; our two mothers and the Relief Society took care of everything else. My parents arranged for a friend to take the pictures and that is the one aspect that could have been better. Most of the pictures had part of his glasses through them. The best ones were the candid shots of the reception.


We held our reception in a room (smaller than the cultural hall) at the church. I don't remember any decorations, but maybe there were some. I might not have been noticing very much. Someone had made the cake and I did have a bouquet, but I really don't think I chose them. Unlike most people, I didn't have very strong opinions about them.


For our honeymoon, my parents let us take their car and gas credit card and someone gave us $50 and that's all we had. We went to Disneyland and were able to stay for free at a nearby motel owned by one of Lloyd's aunts. Of course we could only be away for three days, then we had to come back so Lloyd could leave for boot camp. He was gone for six weeks while I lived at home and continued to work as a waitress. Our real married life (so far it just felt like a big date) began when he returned and we went to Philadelphia.


The bottom line was that the wedding was a fun party, not too big, but with most of our friends and family. And the marriage has lasted over 40 years.

Originally posted by Judy in Wedding Brainstorm on 19 Jan 2010

It's About The People / Guest




wedding brainstorm

At the end of the day the most important thing about weddings is the people.  A chance to bring families together to celebrate.


With that in mind it is important not to let little details create arguments that annoy and antagonize everyone helping.


Arrange the ceremony and reception to maximize opportunities for people to mingle and catch up.  To laugh and celebrate together.  


One thing I recall from my wedding and receptions is that there are groups of experience at weddings.


The first is the experience of the couple getting married.  They will be in their own little world together and not remember a whole heck of a lot from the whole experience.  Good thing there are pictures.  So set things up and then everyone else should be nice to them on their day.  They'll be followed around by photographers/video cameras a lot.  Helpful folks will direct them here and there for pictures, cake, dancing, sitting, standing, etc.


The next group is family who all know each other and chat up a storm.  If you've got several siblings then everyone has probably done the wedding thing before and its just a great excuse to all get together again.  


Lastly there are people that your parents invite who chat cordially with everyone else but don't necessarily know a great many people.  Note to couple:  let your parents invite them since they bring gifts too and it will make your parents happy and you'll be oblivious anyway.


Weddings are about people;  the couple committing to each other, God and society.  About families getting together to celebrate.  Focus the events on maximizing these relationships.

Originally posted by Sonian in Wedding Brainstorm on 25 Feb 2010

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