Our 50th High School Reunion / Lloyd

The flurry of impassioned emails began once the committee published it's plans for our 50th High School Reunion. Clearly the emotions are from deeper wells than suggested changes in venues and scheduling.  If nothing else, this ongoing conversation showcases the personalities we knew so well 50 years ago. 

Beyond that I am reminded of a passage from Exile's Return by Malcolm Cowley adapted to evoke the aromatic eucalyptus and jasmines that permeate our beautiful Central Coast Community.

Somewhere the turn of a dirt road or the unexpected crest of a hill reveals your own childhood, the fields where you once played barefoot, the kindly trees, the landscape by which all others are measured and condemned. . . This is your home . . . but does it exist outside of your memory? On reaching the hilltop or the bend of the road, will you find the people gone, the landscape altered, the [eucalyptus trees & jasmines] cut down and only stumps, dried tree-tops, branches and fireweed where the woods had been? Or, if the country remains the same, will you find yourself so changed and uprooted that it refuses to take you back, to reincorporate you into its common life? No matter: the country of our childhood survives, if only in our minds, and retains our loyalty even when casting us into exile; we carry its image from city to city as our most essential baggage:

                Wanderers outside the gates, in hollow

landscapes without memory, we carry

each of us an urn of native soil,

of not impalpable dust a double handful

anciently gathered-­-was it garden mold

or wood soil fresh with [eucalyptus leaves &

jasmine blooms] this little earth we bore

in silence, blindly, over the frontier?

--a parcel of the soil not wide enough

or firm enough to build a dwelling on,

or deep enough to dig a grave, but cool

and sweet enough to sink the nostrils in

and find the smell of home, or in the ears,

rumors of home, like oceans in a shell.

New House / Judy

MY LIFE IS CONSUMED WITH MOVING!

We moved out of the San Luis house on Fri., Oct. 7, but could only put our stuff in the garage at the new place because the guy who lived there wasn't completely out yet. We hoped to be able to close the following Friday, the 14th, so the weekend of the 8th and 9th we stayed with the Kleinmans.

On Monday we decided to get away from it all because this time is officially Lloyd's annual leave and we wanted some kind of real vacation. We went to Monterey and stayed at a bed and breakfast for two nights and visited Carmel and saw lots of galleries. It was great.

We came back on Wednesday evening and stayed the next three nights at a Motel 6 (a little different from the B & B). Turns out there was lots for us to do but we expected to close on Fri. the 14th, like I said, then we planned to move in on Saturday. HOWEVER (cue scary music), on Thursday we learned that we couldn't close until Mon or Tues. of next week. Meanwhile, we have to pay the owner $50/day in rent till the house is officially ours. Then we had the carpet cleaning man come and tell us the carpet was so saturated with dog urine that we'd have to trash that carpet and buy a new one. Then the flea treatment man came and said he could kill the current fleas, but more would probably come later. Then we saw that the whole backyard was covered in dog poop and nobody could walk back there. (sigh) Did I mention that the previous owner had two huge dobermans that evidently lived in the house and never went for walks anywhere but the back yard?

So we thought maybe we could still move some of our stuff into the house and use one of the small bedrooms that didn't seem to smell quite so bad. We tried on Saturday morning, but soon everybody had watering eyes and scratchy throats from the smell and we realized we couldn't even be in the house until we replaced the carpet. We tore it all out that afternoon, including the pad and you would not believe how stained the carpet looked underneath. Lloyd had to spray the concrete under it with a strong, even toxic deodorizer that night. Meanwhile Kristen's son Jacob, with a little help from Alec, spent most of Saturday cleaning up the yard. They ended up with several white trash bags full of the stuff.

Since we were going to have to wait till Thurs. or Friday before they could lay the new carpet, we decided to go ahead and paint the whole interior in colors we liked instead of just pure white everywhere. I feel like this is a sweet little house that has been abused and it's now up to us to nurture it back to health.

But in the meantime, here we are, homeless; thankfully Kristen and Nathan have taken us in. We may close Tues. or Weds., the painters should be finished on Weds. or Thurs. and the carpet may be down on Friday. And then maybe we can actually move in NEXT Saturday.

But I'm not holding my breath.

Goodbye Grandpa / Judy

As many of you know, Grandpa passed away on July 23 and I'm now ready to blog about it. It must have been exactly as he would have wanted to go. He was at home, Lloyd was with him, and it happened so fast that as Lloyd said, "His body didn't know quite what to do without the spirit." It was like it just slipped away.

Then came all the excitement of everybody gathering for the funeral. For about a week people were coming and going and actually it was a lot of fun seeing them--sort of like a big family reunion. During that time I hardly had time to think about things. The following week was taken up with arrangements with the lawyer for the trust and other such stuff. This week we've been really busy getting the house ready to sell, which means going through EVERYTHING, sorting into piles of "trash", "Goodwill" and "keep", then taking loads of stuff to the dump or to Goodwill.

Occasionally I think of Grandpa and start to feel sad, then I think of where he is now and what he's doing--meeting all the people he loved who were waiting for him--and I just have to feel happy for him. I picture his meeting with his wife (my mother), Ruth,  and his own mother and father and sister Norma Jean, not to mention all his friends like Tracey Call and I have to smile. I think of all the physical problems he had, some for most of his life, and some for the past few years, and again I'm happy that he no longer has to deal with them.

So now our plans are to sell this house and move up to be with some of our family.

May we all live so that at our funerals we can have the same huge outpouring of love and respect that Grandpa had at his!

Grandpa, Again / Judy

Grandpa had gone nearly two months and two catheter changes without a UTI (urinary tract infection) and we thought we were home free. We'd been giving him some supplements that seemed to help. Then last Sunday night he started the muttering/hallucinating and we thought, Oh boy, here we go again. So we immediately started him on an antibiotic and he did pretty well all week. But yesterday (Sunday) he was restless and wakeful all day and sure enough, last night he started the talking again. It's kind of discouraging because right now he's in the middle of taking the antibiotics and he's still exhibiting this behavior. Sigh.

I thought it might be interesting to write down some of the things he says when he's in the middle of his hallucinations. Thankfully, it's never that someone is after him or negative in any way. But here are a few of his quotes:

Did Lloyd tell you we were robbed last night?
There are all those people in the living room. Should we invite them to dinner?
My friend is under the bed and I think we should ask her to come out and eat with us.
That man singing in the living room kept me awake all night. He had a nice tenor voice and was singing The Battlehymn of the Republic.
What town are we in?
It's a word salad.
Did you see all those boys and animals running around in here?
Here's something I don't understand. That is a section of farmland with nothing on it so I'll go ahead and run that.

Women's Sacrifice / Judy

I want to quote part of an amazing article I recently read in Mormon Times: June 4, 2011. You can probably go to the paper itself for the whole article, but I'd like to quote the parts that impressed me the most. It's written by a woman who was sitting in church, seven months pregnant with five young children. She said the speaker was talking about pioneers and he told the story of the Sweetwater crossing when grown men and women sat down and cried on the banks of the half-frozen river because their strength was utterly spent. That day three young men carried dozens of people through the chunks of ice and onto the opposite bank.

 She said at that moment the Spirit whispered to her in a deep impression: Your sacrifice is like unto theirs. There are spirits on the other side needing to cross to this life and any pregnant woman is carrying them, one or two (usually) at a time so they can continue along their own path to Zion.

Then she quoted Paul in Romans 12:1: I beseech you, therefore, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy acceptable unto God...

Present your body as a living sacrifice. Sacrifice--from the Latin meaning to make sacred. She says that a couple years later she had a miscarriage and even then she felt strongly, it wasn't a waste. She wasn't sure exactly what she meant by that except that somehow, that great loss COUNTED. It was known by God and would, in some inexplicable way, contribute to His work and glory as well as to her personal holiness.

She continues, "I realized this is true for women in a variety of circumstances: women who try and try, but are unable to conceive; women who subject themselves to the rigors of adoption; women who remain single and must forego not only maternity but also intimacy on a number of levels.

"I came to this conclusion. Every woman of faith consecrates her body as a living sacrifice. Whether our particular burden is fullness or emptiness, each of us is pushing against the world's current with our eyes on the kingdom of God."

Life Goes On / Judy

Even though our lives are pretty much the same as always, taking care of Dad and all, I decided I wanted to blog about the rest of our lives. Dad/Grandpa is actually doing pretty well. He hasn't had a UTI for over two months, which makes life better for everyone. The reason, I think, is that one of the nurses who comes to see him, gave us a list of products that other people in his situation found useful. We got them for him and they are working. 

But on to some other aspects of our lives. We saw the movie "Super 8" and thought it was great! It takes place in 1979 and even the film looks like it's from then. It not only has exciting things happen in the story as well as explosions and everything, but it also has very good interpersonal relationships.

On Friday we went to a new restaurant in Morro Bay that we've been wanting to try for a while and loved it. It's called The Galley and it's right on the water. It's always crowded and you need a reservation which tells you it's good.

Last Sunday I spoke in church and I talked about patriotism. And what I found interesting was that among the people who congratulated me afterwards, were 4 immigrants from other countries. These were extremely shy women who hardly ever say a word to anyone and they each came and thanked me for talking about America and how right I was about the greatness of this country. Seems like it's those who have seen the contrast who know it most clearly.

Taking Care of Dad - An Update / Judy

We've gone two full weeks now with no sign of a UTI so we're feeling pretty good. In fact, Dad seems to be doing remarkably well. He got a haircut yesterday--the lady who cuts my hair comes over to the house and does his--and he looks probably ten years younger. Also, his face has filled out so he doesn't look so gaunt.

I think it really helps that Lloyd has been home for the past two weeks to help. Between the two of us we take very good care of him. We care for his hair, his skin, his teeth, his fingernails, his diet, and his "intake and outgo".  During his dinnertime we've started reading him a Tony Hillerman book about a Navajo Tribal policeman in the four-corners region; he thoroughly enjoys hearing about that area that he knows so well. It's true that everybody likes to be read to, no matter what your age.

Meanwhile Lloyd continues to get better. He can wear a regular shoe for up to two hours a day now and today he drove for the first time (to a near-by home teaching appt). Last night we went out to dinner for the first time since his surgery and he did all right but was tired and limping by the time we came home. Actually, it was the first time he's left the house, except for two post-op doctor's appointments.

Taking Care of Dad and Lloyd / Judy

Last Friday Lloyd had foot surgery. It was an outpatient procedure in which they removed a large lump on the top of his right foot. The podiatrist said he thought it was something called a rheumatoid cyst, since Lloyd does have rheumatoid arthritis. Anyway, he's doing very well now. We have pain pills on call, rented a pair of crutches, and of course have a wheelchair for use on occasion. In fact, I wish I could show you a picture of Dad and Lloyd side by side in their wheelchairs on Saturday. For the most part, though, Lloyd uses the crutches and gets around pretty well. He just has to be sure to keep his foot up as much as possible so he spends most of his time in the inclined lazy boy in front of the TV.

Taking Care of Dad, 4 / Judy

Some people might say that Dad doesn't have a very good quality of life at this stage, but he thinks he does. He gets to sleep all he wants, which frankly has been his goal most of his life. He looks forward to eating when he does get up and he enjoys his meals tremendously. He always thanks me "for that delicious meal." Occasionally he likes to watch TV or a movie (if it's short) with us. For example, he recently watched something on the BYU channel about the church in France during WW2 that he talked about for a couple of days. Also, he likes to see episodes of the old JAG TV show that we get from Netflix.

And he doesn't have to worry about the things the rest of us do, like paying bills or doing our taxes or keeping the house clean. He doesn't even have to worry about keeping himself clean because the aid that comes in does that for him.

He is still a "people person" and always like to visit with anyone who comes, although he tires easily so he can't do it for very long at a time. His 90th birthday was a week ago and we invited several of his old friends from Cal Poly and the church and the neighbors in to help celebrate. He LOVED it. (See the pictures that Hilary posted on her blog because I can't seem to get pictures onto this blog.) Unfortunately, he had another UTI a couple days later and is just now coming out of it, but he is coming out of it.

So he continues longer than anyone thought he could go and Lloyd and I consider every day a gift.

Taking Care of Dad, 3 / Judy

We had another bad night, meaning Dad was awake all night "talking," which we can hear from the baby monitor in our room. This happens when he's having a urinary tract infection (UTI). Since September, he's had one every month or so, but this is the second one in January. They say it's because of the catheter that he's more susceptible.

Every time goes through specific stages: 1) he's wakeful and energetic for long periods. He will wake up early in the morning and go to bed late, be awake all day with no naps at all, eager to be doing exercises or go outside or go through his office. Once he was convinced he needed to look for a job. He wants to try to use his walker again. Many times he'll want to watch TV or a movie and once he was all excited about a championship football game, which he watched all through for nearly three hours. He seems more lucid even than usual.

The only thing that lets you know something may be slightly off (besides the job thing) is his complete lack of empathy--he has no idea he's keeping us awake along with him. Since he's such a sensitive, generally kind person, this is unusual. (Side note: everybody who comes in to care for him, from nurses to physical therapists to social workers comments on what a sweet man he is, always so gracious and grateful for whatever they are doing for him.) When we see the beginning of this wakefulness we immediately give him a basic antibiotic, but still he goes on to the next stage before it can take effect.

Stage 2: he starts having hallucinations, both visual and auditory. Evidently this is usual among older people with infections. Once he said there was a man singing so loudly in the living room that it kept him awake. He often asks who all these people are in his room and he has long conversations with individuals or groups "surrounding his bed." This is what happened last night. We would probably ignore it except at the same time he's anxious to get out of bed and will try everything to get around the bed rails we put up at night. Once he slithered all the way down to the bottom of the bed, then right off the end between the rail and the footboard, where we found him on the floor. He was going for a walk and was very surprised when his legs didn't hold him up. During this stage we can hear him talking all night long, like last night, so we know he's not getting any sleep.  And we know we have to check on him frequently. We give him a medication for agitation and insomnia, but it doesn't seem to do much good.

Stage 3: I don't know if the antibiotic is starting to work at this point or if he's just worn out, but after a day or two of hallucinations and agitation, he sleeps deeply for long hours. Once it lasted 24 hours and he was completely unresponsive, meaning we couldn't wake him up. It was more like a coma than a sleep. Then after 24 hours, he woke up and said he was hungry, which also happens no matter how long he sleeps.

Last Tuesday, when the first symptoms appeared, the doctor ordered a urine sample. Yesterday (3 days later), it came back positive for an infection, now we're waiting to hear which antibiotic will specifically target this particular bug. Since the broad-based antibiotic we've been giving him since Tuesday doesn't seem to be doing much good, I'm anxious to start him on something that will.

Thank goodness today is Saturday so there was no Seminary this morning and also Lloyd has the day off. Maybe we can spell each other with naps today.

Taking Care of Dad, 2 / Judy

When Dad came home from the transitional care center at the end of August, he was not doing well. He'd been very sick and was still extremely weak. He'd lost a lot of weight, mainly because he didn't want to eat anything. In fact, we had to spoon-feed him to get him to take any food at all. The only conversation he'd initiate was, "I want to go back to bed." Other than that he didn't participate. At the care center he'd refused to even try the physical therapy because all he wanted to do was sleep. He had a catheter, which we were told he'd have from now on.

We asked if he were eligible for Hospice and he definitely was, so we signed up with them. They were wonderful! A nurse checked on him twice a week, and they made sure we had the equipment we needed: we already had a hospital bed, but they supplied a special mattress to prevent bed sores. In addition we had a bedside commode and a wheelchair. Hospice is all about palliative care (just make sure they are comfortable), not about getting better.

But lo and behold, after three months, he was no longer eligible and they said he'd "graduated" out of Hospice because he got better all by himself. He got stronger physically so he could scoot from his bed to the wheelchair (although we still have to lift him back into the bed); he got his appetite back and really enjoys his meals; he's awake during the day now more than he has been in years; and he's very involved in the household doings. He loves to have people come visit and stays awake much longer when other people are around.

Bottom line is he's doing very well--until he has a urinary tract infection. Which will be the next topic.

Taking Care of Dad / Judy

I've considered blogging about this experience of being a caregiver for an elderly parent because it's such a huge part of my life right now. But I've hesitated because I didn't want to be disrespectful to Dad in any way...and some of what I could write about might be. But I've decided to go ahead for a couple reasons: I need to write about this as therapy for me, and also--maybe someone else can use it.

Some background: it's been almost fifteen years since Lloyd and I gave up our jobs and house in Maryland to return home and basically be here with Dad. He had recently been divorced and I could tell he wasn't doing well living by himself, so here we came. It was great watching 3 of my kids graduate from my old high school and of course we were able to live in the house I grew up in.

I did all the shopping, cooking and cleaning and considered it a small price to pay to be here in this place I love. Up until now Dad has been independent and a fun "roommie." Although he has gradually become weaker and more frail over the years, he could still get around with his walker. He enjoyed reading the newspaper when he woke up at 5:00 pm and then played chess on the computer or surfed the web, reading news and the family's blogs and sometimes staying up most of the night with a good book. He went to church, to visit family nearby, out to dinner occasionally and life was pretty good for all of us.

Then last summer he had a serious urinary tract infection, landed in the hospital for almost two weeks, then a rehab facility for three weeks after that, and when he came home in September (with a catheter), everything was different. The main difference is that he's immobile--his legs don't work at all. This means he's essentially bedridden although we get him up in his wheelchair for meals at the table two or three times a day. For those who've done this, they know there is a world of meaning in the words "he's bedridden."

More about this next time.

Weekends / Judy

Why is it that weekends are the only times worth blogging about? It's sure true in our case. So let me begin with Friday. Lloyd and I went to Avila's Fish and Farmer's Market and had great time. It was a beautiful day in Avila and the whole front street is the "market." Actually, there are only two or three actual farmers' booths and the only fish is sold in the restaurant booths.  And food booths of all kinds abound so it's hard to choose. A live band is playing and with the beach in the background, it is a sensual delight. We walked around with a a ripe, fresh mango-on-a-stick, then had other stuff for dinner.

Afterwards we came back to town and saw, "Inception." WOW. It blew me away. One of the reviewers said, "You will be confused and disoriented but trust the director. All will be explained." Very true and I would give that advice to anyone seeing it.

On Saturday we went to Paso to have lunch at the Odyssey Cafe because they have paintings for sale and we are looking for one to put on our wall (replacing the picture of the lighthouse). We didn't see any we loved, but we had a good lunch with Kristen anyway.

Sunday morning I picked up Marilyn at the airport and she will stay with us for a few days. Always a treat.
In Church Barbara led the music in Sacrament Meeting. She and Ben have been called as ward choristers and they will take turns. She went first because Ben was singing in church. He sang a Primary song called, "I Will" and I loved it.

I feel funny just "talking" with no pictures, but I do want to keep everyone updated. Just remember I'm older and not used to this new-fangled technology stuff. That excuse is as good as any.

Lloyd's Job / Judy

Lloyd sure has an interesting job. Last night he had to wrestle a patient to the ground, then with the help of a couple other staff members, held him there nearly 20 minutes. As you can imagine, poor Lloyd is pretty sore today. He says he can keep this job as long as he can physically do that when necessary.

I think he's amazing; he can do things, not only physical things like that, but dealing with all kinds of people, that very few people can do. Last night Michael and Yvonne came to visit and they said several people at their party last Saturday mentioned Lloyd and what a great guy he was.

Days Off / Judy

I love Lloyd's days off because then I also have permission to have time off. I already told about Friday so here goes about Saturday. As usual, Lloyd spent the morning at the prison with his support group of inmates. He gets home around 11:30 and we often go out to lunch. We went to Tahoe Joe's, which we like a lot, but it's a little pricey for dinner so lunch is the better option. Afterwards we spent some time in the library (one of our favorite things to do), then of course nap time.

While we were sleeping, Ben took a call from Lloyd's nephew, Matthew, who said his parents were coming to town to help him move back home. (He just graduated from Cal Poly's five-year architecture course and will be going home while he looks for a job.) So they invited us to go out to dinner with them: Matthew, Sidney and Mike. It was a VERY nice evening; we sat outside at a great Italian restaurant and had a wonderful visit. It was good to sort of have closure after looking out for Matthew while he was here. We really don't usually go out to eat twice in one day, but this was unexpected and a special occasion.

At night, we watched the old movie, "Marty" with Grandpa. I highly recommend it, although kids won't like it. It was made in 1955 and is in black and white, but it won four oscars and is a very simple, very touching story. They really don't make them like that any more. One thing I found interesting about it was how it showed what life was like in 1955.

Tonight Lloyd is at work, of course, and Ben is getting ready for tomorrow. He is going to be the director for Camp Melodrama for the next four weeks. It lasts from 8:30 till noon five days a week and there will be 53 kids ages 7-17 expecting great things. Ben is excited about doing this, but tonight is a little nervous.

Updates / Judy

I've decided I like other people's blogs so much that I want to contribute too. (Besides, I am disappointed when they don't update for long periods of time.) I think my life is pretty boring, but I'm sure other people feel the same way about their lives. However, I still want to hear about their lives so I'm assuming someone might feel the same about mine. One problem is that I probably won't have pictures very often--even though they are what make a blog especially interesting. In my case I'll have to rely on text.

Yesterday was Lloyd's day off. He spent it working on stuff for his volunteer position at the prison and I worked around the house (translation: I read most of the afternoon). Jonathan is painting the outside of our house (Christopher helps sometimes, but it's mostly Jonathan). We used one back wall to try three different colors of paint before we settled on one and I really like it. It looks gray when he puts it on next to the white primer, but when the whole wall is covered, it looks like a light blue.

Last night Lloyd and I went to the melodrama and thoroughly enjoyed it--it was classic melodrama and vaudeville. In fact, I think it was one of the better things they've done for a while. Ben is working there at the box office during the day, but he stayed and saw it with us last night. One of the things we always look forward to is the food there. We always get a polish sausage and potato salad and Lloyd said he started salivating for it as soon as we were inside the door.

Gold Country--The Mother Lode / Judy

It's been so long since I did a blog, especially with pictures, that I hope I can remember how to do it. (Click on the pictures to enlarge them and see the details better.) Here goes: Last week was Lloyd's annual vacation so we went somewhere we've always wanted to go, but never had. It's called the California Gold Country and it's between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe and it's all about the Gold Rush. I guess I'll tell about each day, then try to put the pictures in somehow.

We left on Monday and it took about six hours to drive to a little town called Sutter Creek, where we stayed all week at a wonderful Victorian-style bed and breakfast called The Foxes Inn. That first night we ate across the street at the Palace, which obviously used to be an old saloon.

In this picture of the Inn, our room was the one in front on the second floor.

And here's inside. It was full of antiques and wonderful little touches and a large bathroom with a big, claw-footed tub AND big shower.

I have to say something about those gourmet breakfasts we had. They looked beautiful and were such a work of art we almost couldn't eat them, but we managed. Usually we ate out in the garden, (where Lloyd is in this picture) but a couple times we had it in our room. Check out those fruit cups, which were the first course.

This is my French toast one morning. Look at the tiny butter dish with the tiny blossom on the right below the (heated) syrup pitcher.

Anyway, on Tuesday we explored Sutter Creek, which had lots of quaint stores, including antique stores (they always just look like Goodwill to me), tea rooms, a museum of a turn of the century store, and a music box store.

We lingered there quite a while and for Mother's Day Lloyd bought me a music box and had them put in the tune "La Vie en Rose," which is what my Grandma Hansen had in her music box. We had lunch at the ice cream emporium and afterwards drove to El Dorado Hills to a big shopping center because I'd forgotten to bring any sox, of all things, and had to get some. Then we had some soup at Chili's and went to see "How to Train Your Dragon" in 3-D at the IMAX theater. Awesome! Why can't we have an Imax here?

Wednesday we went to the Sacrament temple, which was only a little over an hour away and went to two sessions. Since it was Cinco de Mayo, for dinner we had fajitas at Chili's.

Thursday we explored more of the area around Sutter Creek. We toured the Sutter Creek Gold Mine and learned what a hard life miners had, and probably still do. The guy above was our guide and has spent his life and still is a gold miner. He says when you see pictures of groups of miners they are always frowning because they always have a headache. And, besides a shortened life, that is just one of the problems with the profession. You can also see the veins of white quartz in the side which is what they dig out and find the gold inside. At one place we saw little pieces of gold winking in the middle of the quartz.

The sluice above is where we panned for gold. We bought a bag of sand guaranteed to have a few gold flakes in it and they showed us how to swish it around in the plate through the water. It was fascinating how the gold, tiny as it was, shone through the sand and was not too hard to find. SO much fun!

Also, that afternoon we explored a big deep cave with lots of weird stalagtites (above) called helictites.

That night we went to a smaller town called Plymouth where we ate at an incredible restaurant called Taste. The town looks run down and a little seedy, but this restaurant looks very urban and would have fit right in in San Francisco. I understand people come from all over, including Sacramento and the Bay Area to eat there. I should have taken pictures of that food because it was amazing to look at as well as incredibly delicious.

Friday we drove up to Placerville, a little bigger town with an historic downtown and lots more shops where we spent most of the day. Then we went back to El Dorado Hills because we'd bought tickets to see "Iron Man 2" in the IMAX. Before the show, we ate at a Thai restaurant that gave us so much food we brought a lot home and were still eating it several days later. Fortunately it was so good we wanted to. We enjoyed the movie a lot, although I still think the first one was better, but frankly, ANYTHING is fantastic on that screen.

Saturday we went south instead of north and saw the towns of Jackson, where we spent a couple hours in a used book store, Murphy, which looks a lot like Sutter Creek, and Angel's Camp (above), which is famous as the site of Mark Twain's story about the jumping frog of Calaveras County.

I was about to take a picture of this carving when this big guy comes out of the store and asks, "Do you want a picture of the artist too?" I said sure so here he is with his artwork.

 On both sides of the sidewalk, every few feet they have these plaques with the year, length of jump, and name of the champion frog for that year.

We ended up that evening in Copperopolis. We were able to see a very local version of a melodrama which was a fund raiser for the volunteer firemen. The play was written by a local woman and everybody knew everybody else in the audience and the cast and we were obviously the strangers in town. But it was a fun play and we had corn dogs and sloppy joes there.

Sunday we went to church at the nearby Jackson Ward and people were very friendly. We even met an older man who'd once lived in San Luis and knew my dad and remembered Lloyd as a red-haired teenager.

The Inn had fixed us a fabulous picnic basket, even including the tablecloth, which we took to a place called the Amador Flower Farm. (Lloyd was really happier than he looks, but he was eating.) It was drizzly and most of the flowers weren't in bloom yet, but it was an interesting place, like this little house below, which is part of the corn maze during the Fall.

Then we drove further north to Auburn, quite a big place but which had more of the same flavor of all the little towns around we'd seen. Hint: if you go, don't drive up Highway 49, which is steep, narrow and full of twists and turns.

The whole trip was fun and relaxing and wonderful. We enjoyed seeing a different part of California that we'd never seen before and listening to books on tape as we drove around. But most of all, we enjoyed being together (Lloyd is always a fun date). And on Monday we came home, where it was nice to sleep in our own bed again.

Poetry on the Sabbath / Lloyd

All my life I have been careful to avoid employment that required me to work on Sundays. In our family, Judy and I made it a church and family day. And I think it helped us create a culture that celebrated interpersonal, family relationships at the center of our lives. The Sunday difference became an important core value even though my employment frequently uprooted us, and we had to keep starting over again in new communities and schools. It helped especially when I had to commute far distances and work long hours--unable to be home for dinner every night.

So it was gut wrenching experience this month when new management at the maximum security forensic psychiatric hospital where I work, arbitrarily and totally unresponsive to my pleas for accommodation, reassigned my days off from Sunday/Monday to Friday/Saturday.  Level-of-care hospital service is 24/7; and so I realize now how fortunate I have been to have had Sunday’s off these many years.

To set Sunday apart I proposed and was granted permission to facilitate a Poetry Reading and Writing Group. We only have a few participants each time, but the subject matter provides an opportunity to indentify and discuss values; and surprising enough, they are often spiritual and intensely personal.

We’ve been talking about relationships. And to illustrate the dynamic nature of relationships, I offered the following observation about couples: Your girlfriend may become your wife, your wife may become pregnant, but everything changes when she becomes a mother. Here’s the poem with illustrations:

“When Girlfriends Become Mothers”

I married my girlfriend.

And when she became pregnant

she moved about clumsily,
but we were much the same.

Then my girlfriend gave birth.

She became a mother

and I, a father.
And we had to become reacquainted.

When I worked in a New York City Methadone Maintenance Clinic, clients told me, “We don’t have friends, we have associates.”  One of the participants in our poetry group told me that “friends” differ from “associates” in that the former is “motivated by love,” and the latter by “selfish gain.”  Through the years I’ve asked street people to differentiate the two but never received such a succinct and thoughtful response.

The same respondent put together the following poem:

Policemen love felons,

Psychiatric nurses love psychos, and

Heart surgeons love heart patients.

They have compassion on the patients

as they treat them,

But not the same kind of compassion

that made them heart surgeons.

The compassion becomes complete

(the two compassions become 1).

Husband and Wife.

Next week they want to explore “Dignity.”  While these men may all be felons and suffer from a variety of serious and persistent psychiatric disorders, I have learned they are not throwaways. I expect to learn a lot and come away buoyed up on my Sunday’s. And hopefully I can provide a venue for them that is decidedly different from the intently secular institution.

Wedding Brainstorm: How To Ensure The Marriage Ceremony Isn't Lost In The Shuffle Of The Wedding / Lloyd

My nephew called to say he was planning to get married, and the going rate for a full wedding in their area was about $28,000. We've enjoyed 8 wedding celebrations with our children without being overwhelmed by expenses. He wondered if he could bounce a few ideas off us. So our family put together a Blog: Wedding Brainstorm to facilitate the conversation.

Many of us have recounted our personal wedding experiences. But Tuesday I posted an article from a community that bewails the expectation to have wedding budgets in the six-figure range--typically from $150,000 to $300,000.

Although reading the article gave me the feeling that I was eavesdropping (like a fly on the wall), this extreme example of expensive weddings and the pressures and resulting negative emotions expressed (especially in the comment section) helped me get a better grasp of the dynamics involved even for weddings with much smaller budgets.

If there's a wedding in your future, you may find the postings at Wedding Brainstorm interesting, even helpful. Please feel free to comment and join in the conversation. Rules for keeping the discussion upbeat and constructive are posted.

The Tender Feelings Of An Adoptive Father / Lloyd

Tonight, while researching questions I have about adoption and becoming the seed of Abraham, I came across this short and personal article by Elder Theodore M. Burton. He and I worked together on several issues while I was stationed with the Army in Germany and he was the general authority for Europe with headquarters in Frankfurt. Two issues were: 1) official coercion of military medical personnel to perform abortions in military hospitals, and 2) intimidation of single female members of the military to thereby terminate their pregnancies. Little did I know of his own deep feelings about the issue as may be inferred from the following article (Theodore M. Burton, "A Special Child," Liahona, Jul 1980):

Once upon a time a husband and wife who loved each other very much wanted to have a child of their very own to hold and to cuddle and to love. As time passed and they had no children, they prayed to their Heavenly to send them a special child. Heavenly Father heard their prayers.

One day this husband and wife received a telephone call to go to a distant city to meet with some people who said they had a tiny baby that this man and his wife could adopt. Excited and filled with anticipation, they made the journey in their car. When they arrived at the city, they went to a certain home and there they were taken into a room where they saw a tiny baby laying in the middle of a big bed waiting for them. There really is such a thing as love at first sight, for when this husband and wife saw that little boy lying there all alone, they immediately loved him. They took him home with them and loved the baby so much that they talked about him as their own beloved son.

Yet in spite of great love for that little baby, they had a fear in their hearts that they might not be able to keep him as their very own child. They first had to see a judge and ask if they could adopt this baby according to law. Because the judge wanted to make sure the little boy would be properly cared for, he first had to find out if the husband and his wife loved each other, if they had a good and happy home, and if they had enough money to feed and clothe the baby.

It took time for the judge to decide all these questions and all the while the love of the husband and his wife for the baby grew and grew. Finally, the judge gave legal consent for the couple to adopt the baby and this was done. Now the baby was their very own special child and their fear was gone that he would be taken away from them. Still, the judge could only give them permission to have the child during their lifetime on this earth. But they loved that baby more than that! They believed in Jesus and knew that Jesus had more power than the judge. Jesus could give them the child forever and ever and not just for this life only.

After the adoption papers had been signed and the baby had been given a name, the couple took their son with them to a temple of God. There they dressed in white clothes and dressed the little boy in white clothes too. Then they all knelt down at an alter in the temple. A man who held a special priesthood sealed that little boy to his new father and mother so that the family could be together forever. Now this boy really was their own special child!

I know that this story is true, because I am that father who loves his very own special child more every day and, as mothers do, my wife loves him even more. Every child who lives in such a family where love is can also feel he or she is a very special child.

When girlfriends become mothers / Lloyd

I facilitate a Poetry Reading and Writing Group at a forensic psychiatric hospital. We were talking about relationships, and I wrote the following to illustrate how relationships are dynamic. Your girlfriend may become your wife, your wife may become pregnant, but everything changes when she becomes a mother.

I married my girlfriend.

And when she became pregnant

she moved about clumsily,
but we were much the same.

Then when my girlfriend gave birth,
she became a mother;
I became a father.
And we had to become reacquainted.

dynamic relationship--lloyd

A Unique Gospel Culture --The Law of Adoption / Lloyd

The Law of Adoption is a Fundamental Doctrine of the Gospel

There is a unique gospel culture, a set of values and expectations and practices common to all members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This gospel way of life comes from the plan of salvation, the commandments of God, and the teachings of the living prophets. It is given expression in the way we raise our families and live our individual lives. The principles stated in the family proclamation are a beautiful expression of our gospel culture. . . The traditions of culture or way of life of a people inevitably include some practices that must be changed by those who wish to qualify for God's choicest blessings. . . This requires us to make some changes from our family culture, our ethnic culture, or our national culture. We must change all elements of our behavior that are in conflict with gospel commandments, covenants, and culture. (See Dallin H. Oaks, "Repentance and Change," Ensign, Nov 2003, 37, and  "Priesthood Authority in the Family and the Church," Ensign, Nov 2005, 24)

Bringing our lives into conformity with the gospel culture often requires rejecting or repenting of behaviors and practices that are tolerated, expected or even endorsed in the world in which we live, such as mistreatment of women, dishonesty, and sexual immorality.

Bringing our lives into conformity with the gospel culture usually includes developing a refinement of the spirit as evidenced by increased modesty in our clothing and speech and by choosing uplifting music, literature, and other forms of entertainment, with a general shift in the amount of the time we spend pursuing entertainment and material goals to education and service.

Bringing our lives into conformity with the gospel culture will almost certainly include expanding our vision and the active development of opportunities to love and serve family members, both past and present, and friends, neighbors, and strangers--especially the poor and needy among us. Examples are doing quiet acts of charity, sharing the gospel, performing family history and temple work, contributing to the perpetual education fund, and responding to the special needs of others in times of natural disaster.

One of the greatest forms of love and service that is absolutely central to the purpose of mortality and is the most refining of all mortal activity is having and raising children, including reaching out and adopting children whose parents put them up for adoption or who are orphaned. When children are born under the covenant, or subsequently sealed to their parents, they receive extraordinary blessings and vital protections that can be obtained only through temple ordinances. (See Posting  "Our Wandering Children are not Lost," April 19, 2001)

The Law of Adoption is at the Heart of the Gospel and is Required by All who Inherit Eternal Life

In setting forth that all men must be born again to gain salvation, . . .this means they must be "born of God, changed from their carnal and fallen sate, to a state of righteousness, being redeemed of God, becoming his sons and daughters. " (Mosiah 27:25) Whose sons and whose daughters do we become when we are born again? Who is our new Father? The answer is, Christ is our Father; we become his children by adoption; he makes us members of His family.  (Mosiah 5:7) (See Bruce R. McConkie, The Promised Messiah, 1978)

Furthermore, there is process and order in organizing the familial lines of those who qualify to be heirs of eternal life, the sons and daughters of Christ, and joint heirs with Him. Men and women of whatever literal blood lineage become, through adoption, the seed of Abraham and the elect of God as they receive and magnify the covenants of the temple, especially the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. (D&C 84:33-39 and D&C 132: 19-21)

Therefore, to paraphrase King Benjamin, will we suffer little children to remain orphaned when we ourselves are also completely dependent upon the law of adoption for our exaltation. King Benjamin does counsel, "It is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength." (Mosiah 4: 16, 19, 27).  Perhaps if we have the means of extending the blessings of the temple to children at risk, we shouldn't dismiss out of hand the idea of adopting them.

The Peace of God, Which Passeth All Understanding / Guest

My friend Bill Sydnor gave me permission to share his talk on "Peace" from Sacrament Meeting this Morning:

Peace

Sometimes when I wake up quite early, I go for a walk around the neighborhood. It's still dark. The streets and homes are quiet; everything is calm and still. In the east there is a hint of sunrise and the tree branches sway gently in the light breeze. I enjoy these early walks for the fresh air and for a sense of tranquility. It's a peaceful way to start a new day, and I usually find this invigorating and refreshing.

There are several kinds of peace: political, spiritual, and inner peace.

Political or Worldly Peace

The quest for enduring political peace is as old as civilization; mankind has a poor record of keeping treaties that promise an end to conflict. Over the past four or five thousand years, there have been wars in countries all over the globe, millions of lives lost in warfare, and untold suffering. Despite man's sincere effort to achieve lasting political peace, I believe this will be impossible to achieve until the Prince of Peace returns. Until we put off the natural man and become as a little child, until we learn to follow the will of the Father and not our own, we cannot enjoy world-wide peace. We cannot issue a mandate declaring peace and expect it to be followed. We begin to understand that lasting peace comes from within, not from without.

However, we can find peace in our personal lives, and promote peace within our home, amongst our family members, within our community, and wherever we are. We can be emissaries of peace. How is this to be accomplished? We must seek the Peace of God because it is a gift of the Spirit.

The Peace of God

If we are constantly concerned about such things as money, employment, and physical health, we are without the peace of God because we have become self-centered instead of God-centered. We are not placing our full trust in Him. We are saying, "Thank you God, but I can handle this myself." The Savior knew that there would be no peace on earth. In the book of John, he told his disciples, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 12:27) In Isaiah, the scriptures read, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee." (Isaiah 26:3)

From this sense of inner spiritual peace will come a sense of well-being and increased self-confidence. These are spiritual skills that need to be developed and come to us when we learn to put ourselves in his hands.

If we cannot legislate world peace, if we cannot make it come by decree, what can we do to bring peace into our lives? To feel the peace of God we must draw closer unto our Heavenly Father. We do this through prayer and meditation, seeking the gift of the Holy Ghost. We must stop what we are doing for awhile and turn our thoughts to our Father in Heaven. As we do so, the concerns of the world fall away for the time being.

Inner Peace

Prayer is essential to developing inner peace. When we offer prayer, we humble ourselves, acknowledge our weakness, and learn what we need to do to put ourselves in harmony with his will. If we do this regularly, life becomes more tranquil, more peaceful because we have the gift of the Holy Ghost, the Comforter. We have an inner knowing that our Heavenly Father cares about us, and that our lives are meaningful to him, and that he cares about each one of us individually. We are his spirit children. He knows our needs, our sorrows, and our joys.

Through prayer and meditation we learn to let the spirit flow into us, to comfort us. Each morning let our thoughts drift out over the coming day. Visualize each expected event and situation and the spirit prompting us each step of the way. We especially feel the Comforter by attending Church and by entering the Temple, truly away from the world for a time, to provide great service.

As an inner harmony and tranquility develops within us, others notice our increased ability to handle things, and peace spreads to them. A sense of compassion for others may arise, and we find ourselves in service to them.  We become more accepting of those about us and less judgmental.

In Paul's epistle to the Philippians, he closes with these words, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7) [Emphasis added]

This deep sense of endless peace is ours as a heritage. All we need to do is reach out for it, and it will become ours.

After the meeting Bill said that he chose the hymns for the service and especially appreciated the second verse from Hymn 114: Come Unto Him with emphasis on the second stanza. (Text by Theodore E. Curtis and Music by  Hugh W. Dougall.)

When I am filled with strong desire

And ask a boon of him, I see

No miracle of living fire,

But what I ask flows into me.

And when the tempest rages high

I feel no arm around me thrust,

But ev'ry storm goes rolling by

When I repose in him my trust.