Becoming Age 65--Very Different From Thinking Of It In The Future / Lloyd

Sunday I turned 65, and that’s a milestone age whose meaning is very different experienced than contemplated as a future event.

During WWI church leaders encouraged my grandfather to enlist in the military rather than go on a mission. He retired early at age 55 so he and my grandmother could have a formal mission experience before he died. He passed away 15 years later at age 70. Their service in the Northwestern mission was a significant event for their relationship. On several occasions when Elder Franklin D. Richards, their mission president, and his wife met Judy and me they never failed to comment on what great and faithful missionaries Israel and Clara Abbott had been.

My father served a two-year mission before his WWII military duty in the Pacific, and after he retired at age 63 he served two senior missions: one with my mother and after my mother passed away, a second with my stepmother. My father died at age 78. Judy, Kristen, and I visited mother and dad in New Jersey and saw first hand how meaningful the experience was for them. The stories from England with Dad and Renee’ demonstrate great faithfulness and service.

Today I am 65 and my worldly circumstances recommend that I work another 15 years so I can retire from state service and better be able to provide for our needs once I stop working. Good medical insurance has become increasingly important to us.

Our children have urged, instead, that I retire sooner and with their financial backing serve a church mission with Judy. They say that with such a large family to support us we shouldn’t worry about finances but serve missions and provide other church service while we still have our health and energy. That could require more humility and faith than I have. I’m not eager to be dependent on my children. But these promptings have helped me realize that I’d actually ruled out the possibility of serving a senior mission.

But now I’ve turned 65, and given all the mail about it we've been receiving, it seems to be a matter of public record. In addition to signing up for Medicare, we need to fully consider the options for our immediate future before rheumatoid arthritis and other early developing physical maladies deny our ability to serve.

We’ve been so busy raising our family and recovering from one set back or another through the years that unexamined considerations of the ability, or even desire, to serve a senior mission have snuck up on us. Perhaps our example will be a cautionary tale to our children about the importance of addressing important goals and long-range financial planning now.

I will ask our bishop about age and health qualifications to serve a senior mission; types of senior missionary service needed, and projected costs. Then I can check with my employer about the requirements for taking an administrative leave from work so Judy and I can serve before age and physical health issues close the mission door to us.

Even if we’re looking at a couple of years in the future, without gathering the facts and going to the Lord for timing and direction, going on a mission will just pass us by. And that would be a shame to break an Abbott tradition established by very faithful parents and grandparents.

Some milestones are more sobering than others, more shocking into action. Turning age 65 has been one of them. Additionally, children sensitive to the spirit and not bashful about speaking up have been very helpful.

Happy Birthday, Marilyn / Judy

This is an email I just sent to my favorite sister, Marilyn (pictured above at Aspen Grove with her daughter, Teri and some of her family):

Marilyn, Hope you have a wonderful day! I sent you a card but you may not get it in time and let me tell you why. I meant to mail it last Saturday and went out to do a few errands, including stopping at the post office.

But Ben's car is in the shop and he's had to drive the red one the past few days. I was driving it that day and had to make sure I got back in time for him to leave for Santa Maria. Anyway, I noticed it only had about a quarter tank of gas and I thought I'd be nice for him and fill it up.

At the gas station the pump kept stopping and wouldn't work. I managed to put about 3 gallons in it and then I got so frustrated that I called out the service station attendant to come help me. He tried it and said, "Is the tank already full?" Because that was what the pump was acting like. "No," I assured him. But just in case, I turned on the motor to look at the gas gage again. Sure enough, just above quarter of a tank. He tried the pump some more and it still wouldn't work. Then, I noticed that I was looking at the TEMPERATURE gage and not the gas gage (which was on the other side of the steering wheel). Uh oh. How embarrassing!!

The attendant didn't even say anything; he just walked away. By that time I'd managed to cram $14 worth of gas into the already full tank. Also, by then I had no time left to mail your card because I had to get right back so Ben could take the car.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, and I'm sorry your card is late.

Love, Judy

(Am I the only one these kinds of things happen to?)

Ben's Hair / Judy

I'M BACK!!! Sweet Ellen and smart Jason are here helping me with putting up pictures and they will even tell me how to write between the images. Yayyy!!!

So away we go...here are some pictures that I took a couple weeks ago. They are Ben's before and after pictures with his haircut. He had to have long hair and muttonchops when he was in "Les Mis," but for "Music Man" he could have short hair and just side burns.

The first two are the "before" pix.

It was so long he could make a pony tail. And he hated his muttonchops.

And of course after the haircut.

And this is Ben being skeptical about my bag of water. When we were in Cambria, we saw many of the shops had these bags over their door and when I asked what they were for, the clerks said they kept the flies out. I don't know why it works, but I tried it since we don't have screens on the back door, and it really does work. We can leave these doors open for quite a while and not get flies. However, one day they were open all day and we did get a few then.

How, Then, Can We Feel Justified If We Shrink From Our Duty Because Of A Minor Discomfort Or Inconvenience? / Lloyd

Sometime before I was twelve I remember asking my mother why there weren't more Mormon actors. We had been talking about the well known Mormon actress Loraine Day. My mother’s reply was consistent with her feelings about the importance of the Sabbath, which we observed in our home while I was growing up. She replied, “Because actors must often work on Sundays.” Period!

All my life I have fought to be able to attend church services and to build a protective hedge around the entire Sunday. So many times my life has been diverted from the wrong course I was taking because of clear prompts I received during sacrament service. Just as often I've perceived prompts to take beneficial actions I hadn't considered before.

Judy says that Sabbath worship is so fundamental to my life, who I am, that I would not be able to understand when baptized members of the Church, covenant people of God, chose otherwise or were more or less casual about church attendance. It's true. I don't understand. It is so sad.

Our family has been greatly blessed because Judy and I felt united in the importance of celebrating the Sabbath and making whatever sacrifice we needed to attend church with our family and then strive to nurture the Spirit from church throughout the day. Monday's come all too soon. Of course we would want those same blessings for all our children and their children.

The following excerpt from the Ensign expresses much better than I can this feeling I have:

“One incident in the Prophet’s life had a powerful influence on me as a young man:

“At a late hour of the night Joseph was lying down and slumbering heavily from weariness. . . . A few moments later an infuriated mob burst the door open and . . . seized him and were dragging him from the house when Emma screamed. . . .

“. . . A group gathered . . . to hold a council . . .

After the council was concluded, the leading mobocrats declared that they would not kill him but would strip him naked and whip and tear his flesh. . .  They thrust a reeking tar paddle into his face and attempted to force it down his throat . . .

“After they left Joseph, he attempted to rise, but fell back again from pain and exhaustion. He succeeded, however, in tearing the tar away from his face so that he could breathe freely. . .  

“Securing some covering for his person, the Prophet entered the house, and spent the night in cleansing his body and dressing his wounds . . .

“The next morning, being the Sabbath, the people assembled at the usual hour of worship. With them came some of the mobbers . . .

“With his flesh all bruised and scarred, Joseph went to the meeting and stood before the congregation, facing his assailants of the previous night calmly and manfully. He preached a powerful sermon and on the same day baptized three believers into the Church.”

“I cannot begin to imagine the pain and discomfort the Prophet Joseph must have endured. He had ample excuse not to preach the following morning, but this and many other experiences of similar or worse consequence did not cause him to shrink from his responsibility. How, then, can we feel justified if we shrink from our duty because of a minor discomfort or inconvenience? (Michael John U. Teh, “Confidence in the Presence of God,” Ensign, Jan 2009, 28–30)

"For The Strength Of The Hills" Was Written About The Vaudois Mountains In Switzerland--Who Knew? / Lloyd

Yesterday's post, Our early pioneers put their lives on the line because of their religious witness, referenced a verse from the Hymn "For the Strength of the Hills." The following is a great comment from Uchenna & Jen Paul. Didn't want you to miss it--Lloyd

It's interesting - at home we were discussing the hymn, For the Strength of the Hills, last Sunday and researched a little about it.

Though it first appeared in our LDS Hymnal in 1950, we learned that it was written by Felicia Hemans, who died in 1835 in Europe, so she probably hadn't heard of the church. The original poem was called "Hymn of the Vaudois Mountaineers in times of persecution," and the hills refer to the Vaudois Mountains in Switzerland (see "Our Latter-Day Hymns:The Stories and the Messages" by Karen Lynn Davidson).

The origins of the Vaudois Mountaineers, also called the Waldenses, is debated; some claim they were conservatives of the early Christian church and were driven into the wilderness because they wouldn't bow to the Roman power taking over the church and introducing doctrines they felt were contrary to the truth.

Modern scholars say they started in France in the 1100's and were denounced as heretics. During the Reformation they joined with the new protestant faith.

The bottom line is to see paralells between the persecution they endured and the ones that Mormon pioneers had to endure hundreds of years later, which makes it resonate with us. Modern day pioneers may also have to endure persecution, though in different forms.

--Uchenna & Jen

Our Early Pioneers Put Their Lives On The Line Because Of Their Religious Witness / Lloyd

In Church Sunday we were singing a hymn about pioneers (Hymn #35, For the Strength of the Hills) and I wasn't paying too much attention until the second verse:

At the hands of foul oppressors, 

We've borne and suffered long,

Thou hast been our help in weakness, 

And thy pow'r hath made us strong.

Amid ruthless foes outnumbered, 

In weariness we trod.

At that moment I realized that "pioneers" within the Mormon experience were more than trailblazers who led the way to colonizing the Intermountain West. 

After accepting the testimony of the Prophet Joseph Smith about the reality of God the Father and Jesus Christ and joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, our "pioneers" were then hunted down and sometimes killed and often deprived of peace, freedom, and material belongings by angry and ruthless enemies. Our people were driven from the United States and eventually found some safety in the Intermountain West.

Without an appreciation for the reality of Satan, this persecution seems totally unmotivated and irrational. Even persecutors were without insight into their bizarre behavior.

But when people violate the fundamental moral and ethical principles defined within the Ten Commandments they find themselves in Satan's power, and he jerks them through episodes of intense unrest, contention, and anger, even murderous rage--also defeat, hopelessness, and despair.

Violators of the Ten Commandments, especially the law regarding sexual conduct, commonly demonstrate an over-the-top enmity towards religious and ethical people who speak up against morally inappropriate behavior. Consider the outcome for John the Baptist when he criticized Herod's unlawful marriage to Herodias (Mark 6: 16-29).

Our pioneers were all potential martyrs like any ancient and modern prophet who has been called upon by God to witness that disaster follows the evil practices of a society unraveling morally. In this same sense faithful members of the Church today share this fate with the early Mormon pioneers, whose courage, faith, and sacrifices we acknowledge and celebrate each 24th of July.

Pres. Boyd K. Packer states our circumstance clearly:

Sometimes we are asked why we do not recognize this conduct as a diverse and acceptable lifestyle. This we cannot do. We did not make the laws; they were made in heaven “before the foundation of the world” (D&C 132:5; D&C 124:41; see also Alma 22:13). We are servants only.

Just as with the prophets in ancient times, we have been “consecrated priests and teachers of this people, … [responsible to] magnify our office unto the Lord, taking upon us the responsibility, answering the sins of the people upon our own heads if we did not teach them the word of God with all diligence” (Jacob 1:18–19).

We understand why some feel we reject them. That is not true. We do not reject you, only immoral behavior. We cannot reject you, for you are the sons and daughters of God. We will not reject you, because we love you (see Heb. 12:6–9; Rom. 3:19; Hel. 15:3;D&C 95:1.

You may even feel that we do not love you. That also is not true. Parents know, and one day you will know, that there are times when parents and we who lead the Church must extend tough love when failing to teach and to warn and to discipline is to destroy.

We did not make the rules; they were revealed as commandments. We did not cause nor can we prevent the consequences if you disobey the moral laws (see D&C 101:78). In spite of criticism or opposition, we must teach and we must warn.

(See Your body really is the instrument of your mind and the foundation of your character)

Discussing Sexuality With Our Children / Lloyd

Boyd K. Packer delivered two classic speeches that clearly defined our God-given power of procreation with its trials and tests, its sorrows and joys, and God's rules of engagement. They are: “Why Stay Morally Clean,” New Era, Jul 1972; and "Ye Are the Temple of God," Ensign, Nov 2000. The principles and doctrines found in these speeches together with the teachings of the Temple Endowment make clear the framework in which we discussed sexuality with our children. Here is the first speech, "Why Stay Morally Clean," slightly modified and with subheadings added.

There are many young people in our audience today. It is to them, particularly to the teenagers, that I speak. The subject should be of great interest to you: Why stay morally clean. . .

before our mortal birth

In the beginning, prior to your mortal birth, you lived with our Heavenly Father. He is real. He actually lives. There are those living upon the earth who bear witness of his existence. . . . He lives, and I bear testimony of it.

He knew you there. Because he loved you, he was anxious for your happiness and for your eternal growth. He wanted you to be able to choose freely and to grow through the power of correct choice, so that you may become much as he is. To achieve this, it was necessary for us to leave his presence. Something like going away to school. A plan was presented, and each agreed to leave the presence of our Heavenly Father to experience life in mortality.

a mortal body with trials and tests

Two great things were in store for us as we came into this world. One, we would receive a mortal body, created in the image of God. Through it, by proper control, we might achieve eternal life and happiness. Two, we would be tried and tested in such a way that we could grow in strength and in spiritual power.

Now this first purpose is wonderfully important, for this body given us will be resurrected and will serve us through the eternities.

Under the accepted plan, Adam and Eve were sent to the earth as our first parents. They could prepare physical bodies for the first spirits to be introduced into this life.

the power of procreation, family, and happiness in mortality

There was provided in our bodies—and this is sacred—a power of creation, a light, so to speak, that has the power to kindle other lights. This gift was to be used only within the sacred bonds of marriage. Through the exercise of this power of creation, a mortal body may be conceived, a spirit enter into it, and a new soul born into this life.

This power is good. It can create and sustain family life, and it is in family life that we find the fountains of happiness. It is given to virtually every individual who is born into mortality. It is a sacred and significant power, and I repeat, my young friends, that this power is good.

You who are teenagers, like every other son and daughter of Adam and Eve, have this power within you.

The power of creation—or may we say procreation—is not just an incidental part of the plan: it is essential to it. Without it the plan could not proceed. The misuse of it may disrupt the plan.

Much of the happiness that may come to you in this life will depend on how you use this sacred power of creation. The fact that you young men can become fathers and that you young women can become mothers is of utmost importance to you.

As this power develops within you, it will prompt you in the search for a companion and empower you to love and to hold him.

I repeat, this power to act in the creation of life is sacred. You can some day have a family of your own. Through the exercise of this power you can invite children to live with you—little boys and little girls who will be your very own—created, in a way, in your own image. You can establish a home, a dominion of power and influence and opportunity. This carries with it great responsibility.

why the creative power within us must be strong and constant

This creative power carries with it strong desires and urges. You have felt them already in the changing of your attitudes and your interests. . .

It was necessary that this power of creation have at least two dimensions: one, it must be strong; and two, it must be more or less constant.

This power must be strong, for most men by nature seek adventure. Except for the compelling persuasion of these feelings, men would be reluctant to accept the responsibility of sustaining a home and a family. This power must be constant, too, for it becomes a binding tie in family life.

You are old enough, I think, to look around you in the animal kingdom. You soon realize that where this power of creation is a fleeting thing, where it expresses itself only in season, there is no family life.

It is through this power that life continues. A world full of trials and fears and disappointments can be changed into a kingdom of hope and joy and happiness. Each time a child is born, the world somehow is renewed in innocence.

procreation is the power of deity

Again I want to tell you young people that this power within you is good. It is a gift from God our Father. In the righteous exercise of it as in nothing else, we may come close to him.

We can have, in a small way, much that our Father in heaven has as he governs us, his children. No greater school or testing place can be imagined.

Is it any wonder, then, that in the Church marriage is so sacred and so important? Can you understand why your marriage, which releases these powers of creation for your use, should be the most carefully planned, the most solemnly considered step in your life? Ought we to consider it unusual that the Lord directed that temples be constructed for the purpose of performing marriage ceremonies?

Satan’s focus is to disrupt,

even destroy mortal and

eternal family life

Now there are other things that I will tell you as a warning. In the beginning there was one among us who rebelled at the plan of our Heavenly Father. He vowed to destroy and to disrupt the plan.

He was prevented from having a mortal body and was cast out—limited forever from establishing a kingdom of his own. He became satanically jealous. He knows that this power of creation is not just an incident to the plan, but a key to it.

He knows that if he can entice you to use this power prematurely, to use it too soon, or to misuse it in any way, you may well lose your opportunities for eternal progression.

He is an actual being from the unseen world. He has great power. He will use it to persuade you to transgress those laws set up to protect the sacred powers of creation.

In former times he was too cunning to confront one with an open invitation to be immoral. But rather, sneakingly and quietly he would tempt young and old alike to think loosely of these sacred powers of creation. To bring down to a vulgar or to a common level that which is sacred and beautiful.

previously Satan was subtle, 

today it is open warfare

His tactics have changed now. He describes it as only an appetite to be satisfied. He teaches that there are no attendant responsibilities to the use of this power. Pleasure, he will tell you, is its sole purpose.

His devilish invitations appear on billboards. They are coined into jokes and written into the lyrics of songs. They are acted out on television and at theaters. They will stare at you now from most magazines. There are magazines—you know the word, pornography—open, wicked persuasions to pervert and misuse this sacred power.

You grow up in a society where before you is the constant invitation to tamper with these sacred powers.

I want to counsel you and I want you to remember these words.

do not let anyone at all touch or handle your body, not anyone!

Do not let anyone at all touch or handle your body, not anyone! Those who tell you otherwise proselyte you to share their guilt. We teach you to maintain your innocence.

Turn away from any who would persuade you to experiment with these life-giving powers.

That such indulgence is widely accepted in society today is not enough!

For both parties to willingly consent to such indulgence is not enough!

To imagine that it is a normal expression of affection is not enough to make it right.

The only righteous use of this sacred power is within the covenant of marriage.

Never misuse these sacred powers.

crowning glory or misery & sorrow

And now, my young friends, I must tell you soberly and seriously that God has declared in unmistakable language that misery and sorrow will follow the violation of the laws of chastity. “… wickedness never was happiness.” (Alma 41:10.)

These laws were set up to guide all of his children in the use of this gift.

He does not have to be spiteful or vengeful in order that punishment will come from the breaking of the moral code. The laws are established of themselves.

Crowning glory awaits you if you live worthily. The loss of the crown may well be punishment enough. Often, very often, we are punished as much by our sins as we are for them.

for transgression: the cleansing power of Christ’s atonement

I am sure that within the sound of my voice there is more than one young person who already has fallen into transgression. Some of you young people, I am sure, almost innocent of any intent, but persuaded by the enticements and the temptations, already have misused this power.

Know then, my young friends, that there is a great cleansing power. And know that you can be clean.

If you are outside the Church, the covenant of baptism itself represents, among other things, a washing and a cleansing.

For those of you inside the Church there is a way, not entirely painless, but certainly possible. You can stand clean and spotless before Him. Guilt will be gone, and you can be at peace. Go to your bishop. He holds the key to this cleansing power.

family life & happiness

without bounds

Then one day you can know the full and righteous expression of these powers and the attendant happiness and joy in righteous family life. In due time, within the bonds of the marriage covenant, you can yield yourselves to those sacred expressions of love which have as their fulfillment the generation of life itself.

Someday you will hold a little boy or a little girl in your arms and know that two of you have acted in partnership with our Heavenly Father in the creation of life. Because the youngster belongs to you, you may then come to love someone more than you love yourself.

This experience can come, insofar as I know, only through having children of your own or perhaps through fostering children born of another and yet drawn close into family covenants. . .

Through this loving one more than you love yourself, you become truly Christian. Then you know, as few others know, what the word Father means when it is spoken of in the scriptures. You may then feel something of the love and concern that he has for us.

It should have great meaning that of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that could be given him, God himself, he who is the highest of all, chose to be addressed simply as Father.

Protect and guard your gift. Your actual happiness is at stake. Eternal family life, now only in your anticipations and dreams, can be achieved because our Heavenly Father has bestowed this choicest gift of all upon you—this power of creation. It is the very key to happiness. Hold this gift as sacred and pure. Use it only as the Lord has directed.

My young friends, there is much happiness and joy to be found in this life. I can testify of that.

I picture you with a companion whom you love and who loves you. I picture you at the marriage altar, entering into covenants that are sacred. I picture you in a home where love has its fulfillment, and I picture you with little children about you and see your love growing with them.

I cannot frame this picture. I would not if I could, for it has no bounds. Your happiness will have no ends if you obey his laws.

I pray God’s blessings upon you, our youth. May our Heavenly Father watch over you and sustain you, that in the expression of this sacred gift you may draw close to him. He lives. He is our Father. Of this I bear witness in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Mini Vacation / Judy

(Why can't I remember to put in the picture I want last first and vice versa? Also, still not able to write between the pictures.) Anyway, the top one is a little planter I bought while out and about with Marilyn while she was here. Now, I almost never buy stuff, but I just loved this cow and immediately put it on our table outside.

The next picture shows Marilyn and me at the bay. She came Sunday and left this morning and in between we went out every day. On Monday we stayed in town and did the usual stuff. Since Gottschalks's, the big department store, is closing, we spent a lot of time in there actually trying to buy somethings at 80-90% off but couldn't find much. Then Mon. night we went out for fish and chips with Lloyd. Tuesday we went to the south coast, including our favorite "road side stand", then that night we went down to Solvang to see Ben in "Les Mis." We ate at Anderson's Pea Soup, then saw the play. Marilyn had not seen it before and like the rest of us, she was thrilled with that production and its incredible music. Wednesday we went to the north coast, which is where this picture was taken.

I'm sorry to see her go because we always have a blast together and also now I have to get back to my usual life, which mainly consists of housework and cooking. Also, I have to work off the extra pounds that always seem to accumulate when Marilyn comes.

Fourth of July...Lest We Forget / Judy

I recently saw an amazing film called "Taking Chance." It was an HBO film on DVD starring Kevin Bacon as a Lt. Col. who volunteers to be an escort to take a fallen marine home. It's based on the true story that the real escort wrote from notes about his trip taking the remains of the dead marine back to his hometown. The film is quiet and VERY moving as it shows the reactions of all the ordinary people he encounters along the way.

Here is the site to go to for the trailer:
http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi113247001/

Hope you can see it because even the trailer is wonderful and really gives you a sense of this movie, which seems appropriate today.

An Update / Judy

I would put up more pictures from Aspen Grove, but I can't find them; they're somewhere in the computer (sigh). But I did want to tell about my recent experience.

In January I had the kidney stones on my left side taken care of and it was awful and the whole thing lasted about three months. On Monday I had to do the stone in my right side and so far it hasn't been nearly so bad. Here is an excerpt from an email I sent out the family:

Well, I'm now on the other side of the ordeal and it really wasn't as bad as last time. In the first place, they did NOT put in stent...Yayy! and so far I haven't had the pain after coming home I did last time. Or maybe I know how to manage it better--I've been taking a pill every 4-6 hours all day to head it off before it starts. We had to be at the hospital at 5:30 am on Monday and the "surgery" was at 7:00 and we were home by 11:00. We would have been home an hour earlier, but I did have a big spasm that vicodin didn't help (and I threw it up), so they gave me some intravenous morphine and then I had to wait for an hour while I was mostly floating and sleeping.

When I was in the operating room, being moved from the gurney to the table, I said, "Wait, stop! I've changed my mind so let's not do this." You should have seen their faces! Everybody froze, and then said, "Really?" I had to laugh and then I said, "No, not really. But I actually don't want to do this." There was a sigh of relief and a couple nervous chuckles and next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room. I think people who work there are never told no. They just assume everybody will go along with the program, no questions asked, which is reasonable of course.

I was awake in the recovery room and feeling well for about half an hour and they kept asking me how I felt, so I finally said, "I'm bored." At that point the nurse said maybe I could go back to my room then, where Lloyd waited for me. So here I am, a little out of it, but not too bad off, and hoping it stays like this. It's now Friday and I haven't taken any pain med since yesterday and even then it wasn't very much. As I said, “So far, so good.”

At Aspen Grove #2; Out And About / Judy

I've had fits trying to get these pictures on the blog, so I hope I'm on my way now. Of course I still can't write between the pictures so I'll just have to show them then say what they are. First one shows Peter at the end of a busy day. Next is Teri's daughter, Gracie I think, holding MaryRuth's Rachel,the newest cousin. Third is Jen and Uche with Grandpa. Fourth is Lloyd holding Luke, I think, talking to Tony. Fifth is a rare moment of leisure between activities. Then finally, Christopher and Jonathan riding things.

All Because Two People Fell In Love / Lloyd

Our 2009 Family Reunion--Ben was performing in Les Miserables and couldn't join us.

There’s a little shop and garden that Judy and I enjoy whenever we visit Cambria on the Central Coast. It features aromatic herbs and gardens and fun odds and ends. On our last visit we purchased a wooden heart that reads: All Because Two People Fell in Love. We’ve hung it next to our family photo.

Beginning at Thanksgiving each year I meditate and pray about my central focus for the coming year. Two years ago it was “Love your wife and meet her needs.” That year I was afraid that I might lose her to illness. She was exhibiting symptoms which seemed a lot like congestive heart failure--very frightening. Several months later she was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and began to improve with treatment.

This second year the answer was, “Make Judy the center of your life.” After 50 years of dating and marriage I would have thought that these themes were solidly in place. Apparently not at the level Heavenly Father knows we need to achieve.

When I was hospitalized in Frederick, MD with clinical depression, Bishop Glen Tayler told us that other couples working through similar difficulties turned on each other and mostly split up. He said that in contrast Judy and I held on tighter and our marriage was strengthened. 

There was a time just before my hospitalization when I said something about divorce. Judy responded: This marriage isn’t about you or about me or even about us but about our commitment to the institution of covenant marriage and there will be no more talk about divorce. That’s just sick thinking. Subsequently we’ve learned that should I ever have these negative thoughts again it’s symptomatic of illness and we need to stop, drop, and roll; i.e. seek immediate professional help.

The most powerful unit in the universe is a covenant marriage--consider worlds without end. It doesn't take much to figure that Satan will do all he can to drive a wedge between husband and wife. It might even be his main focus. Whenever any of us feels negatively toward our wife or husband let there be red flags waving and alarms blaring: Run, don't walk. This is spiritual, perhaps physical or emotional pathology. Get help now. Don't claw at each other or turn inward--cutting yourself off from the other; rather hold each other tight and live.