Mental Illness--leave myths at the door / Lloyd

Alexander B. Morrison of the Seventy became acquainted with mental illness through an afflicted family member. He speaks widely in the Church and is published in Church Magazines on the subject.

In "Myths about Mental Illness," Ensign, Oct 2005, Elder Morrison introduces the subject of Mental Illness and then discusses and sets straight 7 common myths and misconceptions that increase the burden for sufferers of mental illness and often impede treatment.

mental Illness

"In the Book of Mormon we read that the Nephites, who had been obedient to God’s laws, "lived after the manner of happiness” (2 Ne. 5:27). What a wonderful and insightful thought: if we are obedient and follow God’s commandments, we will be happy.

"It is important to understand, however, that happiness does not imply the absence of endurance: “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Ne. 2:11).

"Among the most painful trials an individual or family can face is that of mental illness. By mental illness I do not mean the temporary social and emotional concerns experienced as part of the normal wear and tear of living. Rather, I mean a disorder that causes mild to severe disturbances in thinking and behavior. If such disturbances are sufficiently severe and of sufficient duration, they may significantly impair a person’s ability to cope with life’s ordinary demands. These illnesses may even threaten life itself, as in severe depression, or be so debilitating that the sufferer is unable to function effectively.

". . . We still do not know exactly how the brain works nor exactly how and why parts of it may malfunction. One thing is certain, however: no individual, family, or group is immune from the effects of mental illness. Furthermore, we are learning that many mental illnesses result from chemical disorders in the brain, just as diabetes results from a chemical disorder in the pancreas. Why, then, is there still such misunderstanding and fear surrounding mental illness?

myths and misconceptions

"Myths and misconceptions about mental illness unfortunately are found among Latter-day Saints just as they are in the general public. These harmful attitudes include the following (see the article for the complete discussion):

1. All mental illness is caused by sin. 

2. Someone is to blame for mental illness.  

3. All that people with mental illness need is a priesthood blessing.  

4. Mentally ill persons just lack willpower.

5. All mentally ill persons are dangerous and should be locked up

6. Mental illness doesn’t strike children and young people.

7. Whatever the cause, mental illness is untreatable."

More recently, in "The Spiritual Component of Healing," Ensign, Jun 2008, Elder Morrison clarifies the roles of medicine and of faith in the healing process for both physical and mental illnesses.

the role of medicine

"We should not believe that all who suffer from illness, whatever the cause, need only receive a priesthood blessing to have their burdens lifted, perhaps permanently. I am a great advocate and supporter of priesthood blessings. I know from  many personal experiences that Jesus Christ, and He alone, has ownership of the precious “balm in Gilead” (Jeremiah 8:22) needed for final and complete healing. But I know also that God has given us wonderful knowledge that can be of inestimable assistance in dealing with suffering. We must, I believe, take every advantage of such God-given information.

"Some persons who are ill, who have received a priesthood blessing and have prayed fervently that their burdens might be lightened, may feel that they suffer from a lamentable lack of faith if they seek professional help for their affliction. They may even stop taking prescribed medication, thinking erroneously that their faith will replace    the need for it. Such thinking is quite simply wrong. Receiving and acting upon professional advice and the concomitant exercise of faith are not in conflict. In fact, exercising faith may require following the advice of experienced health professionals."

the role of faith

"Faith on the part of the recipient is the great prerequisite of healing (see  Nephi 26:13; Mosia 8:18; D&C 35:9). Faith—“the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1)—is a gift of the Spirit, bestowed as a reward for personal righteousness (see 1 Corinthians 12:9; D&C 46:19–20). Without faith, the miracle of healing cannot occur. “For if there be no faith among the children of men God can do no miracle among them; wherefore, he showed not himself until after their faith” (Ether 12:12).

". . . Faith in a loving Heavenly Father and in His Son, our Savior—coupled with  the understanding that we are literally God’s children, with a divine opportunity to strive to become as He is, and a realization that His love for us is eternal and unchangeable—brings peace to our lives. That peace persists even if the medical, psychological, or social dimensions of illness—be they physical or mental in origin—remain as “a thorn in the flesh.”

Ben is Lysander, Jewish Wisdom / Lloyd

BEN IS LYSANDER

I really enjoyed watching Ben in A Midsummer Night’s Dream on Saturday night. During the intermission I overheard a young woman say, “I really like Lysander. I’ve only seen him do small parts up to now. He’s really good.”  Many have told me that Ben is so natural, even doing Shakespeare.  After watching the production I believe that means he becomes his character without the “acting look” or “theatrical façade.”  

This talent Ben has allows him greater flexibility in the part and develops opportunities for what many call his “natural comedic timing.” The play continues through March 1. For times & tickets & promotional shots go to www.pcpa.org.

JEWISH WISDOM

I attended Yeshiva University and greatly value that experience and the Jewish world it bade me enter. Consider this clear-eyed, pragmatic perspective of today’s events that benefits from almost 5770 years of Jewish survival:

. . . “the possibilities in America” are being subjected to a time of testing due to a series of financial shock waves whose reverberations are being felt worldwide. But the breathless tendency to imagine that we are on the verge of civilizational collapse, that we have it worse than anyone has had it in 75 years, and that democratic capitalism itself has been invalidated, is an example of the self-same ahistorical narcissism that leads so many today to believe they are possessors of a wisdom inaccessible to their forbears.

Booms are followed by busts. Bubbles burst. Crooks go to jail. A period of laxity is followed by a period of excessive control, the irritations of which help produce the conditions for the loosening that will, in turn allow bust to turn to boom once again. It stands to reason that the higher the altitude the bubble achieves, the more vertiginous and disorienting will be its fall to ground. Thus it is with us at this moment, and thus has it ever been. This is the way of a free society, which will, by definition, exhibit all the virtues and flaws of the hundreds of millions of free people who constitute it—the creative energy that must, in some sense, be coupled with at least a measure of foolhardiness.  (John Podhoretz, Editor, Commentary, “A Magazine and Its Mission,” February 2009)

company and the play / Judy

I'm so excited--Marilyn is coming today and tonight she and I and Lloyd and Michael are all going to see Ben's play, "Midsumer Night's Dream". Grandpa was going with us but he's not feeling well, so Lloyd asked the lady he carpools with to come too. 

Our local newspaper reviewed the play and called it "A dream production and...a sumptious spectacle. The sets and costumes are stunning, and the land of the fairies has become a setting for Cirque du Soleil-style acrobatics, dancing and juggling." Then it talks about some of the individual actors, all of whom except Ben are professional, mostly equity and very good. But I loved this paragraph:

"In the mortal love stories, Micheal Jenkinson is fine, as always, as he plays Demetrius. Katie Newcomer is good as Hermia, and Vanessa Ballam gives Helena manic intensity. Ben Abbott, a second-year acting student, plays Lysander. He has great comic timing and is someone to watch for in future shows." 

I added this review to the folder of plays he's been in. I just know that someday this folder will be valuable. People have told him how well he does Shakespeare--that it's so natural, like he's just talking, and he makes it very understandable. A lot of people have come up to him after the shows and complimented him. I make him tell me everything everybody says. As scary as it is about him making a living as an actor, it is so much fun to watch from a front row seat.

Full Disclosure / Lloyd

Dear Family & Friends, 

There was a time when I sent out weekly emails about various topics--often religious, but not for some time now. 

The change was motivated by the increasingly acrimonious, forwarded emails that we've been receiving and by our entry into moral politics regarding same-sex marriage. I realized that my own emails may not be so appreciated or inoffensive as I supposed even within our own family. 

I do have strong opinions about almost everything in directions that may surprise folks who thought they knew me. My perceptual framework is very much related to living with my father, who grew up in Philadelphia and whose parents were strong supporters of organized labor, to my education and life in major Eastern cities (Penn in Philadelphia, and Yeshiva in New York City), and to very personal professional experiences among the so-called marginal strata of society. I guess we must all come to grips with what makes us uniquely us. (I seem to be the only registered Democrat in the family, even among my own wife and children.) 

I have teamed up with Judy in authoring this blog: She Says, He Says. We promise two, very different perspectives, as you will see by reviewing past postings. This Blog format, opposed to sending emails, permits folks who have interest to come check us out without our being intrusive to them. Thanks so much to family and friends for your past, kind reception of my emails. 

We do hope you won't be shy in paying us a visit. Comments, especially opposing viewpoints, are always appreciated. 

Love, Lloyd

P.S. I'm especially fond of the two engaging frogs on our masthead.

The Men I Care For / Lloyd

Last night a patient told me that he was out of prison in a halfway house, where another parolee promised to surely kill him when he least expected it. My patient, a paranoid schizophrenic, took him at his word, and in an act of self-preservation promptly murdered his tormentor. When not in his manic, paranoid phase, my patient is mild and soft spoken--a pleasure to be around. When manic he wears everyone out. We have to assign a staff member to be with him 24 hrs a day for his own protection. Just drives patients and staff up the wall with his constant intensity.

Last night a man said he was looking for a program that could help him understand his pedophilia, and figure out why he did those things and hurt so many people, especially his own family and friends. He said he didn’t want to offend again and he was afraid to be released until he could change.

Last night we told a patient that his doctor discontinued his Benadryl and prescribed something else for sleep. The doctor explained that Benadryl not only destroyed his sleep architecture but also disrupts mental functioning. The patient refused the new sleep medication and began dumping smelly garbage all over the floor, then escalated to picking up very large and heavy chairs and tables and crashing them to the floor. We had to put him in full-bed restraints.

these are the men I care for

It’s an awesome responsibility to have custody of another human being. Some people need a secure, highly structured environment to be ok. And as line-of-care staff we must keep foremost in our thoughts that we are helping our patients to achieve an optimum mortal experience by keeping them and others safe while they stabilize on medications and figure things out. In some cases the care will be indefinite, but most will return to the street. We wish they would continue taking their medications when out on their own.

I often wonder how the Lord would succor them. It’s so easy for us to feel entitled to a life free of the challenges my guys face.  But mental illness cuts across all of society. One thing for sure, I’m learning to treat everyone I meet with respect and kindness. Never know when I’ll be in conversation with a paranoid schizophrenic or when the person I’ve known well may become one.

Chicken and a movie / Judy

We recently saw the new DVD of the movie, "Bottle Shock." I loved it! It's about the time in 1976 when there was a blind taste test in France between French wines and California wines from Napa Valley. It's a great true story but the best part is that it's filmed in Napa Valley which looks just like HERE. The scenery and the light and the whole thing is gorgeous and so much fun to watch because it looks so familiar. And like I said, the story is also intriguing. I recommend it, with the caveat that there is some crude stuff in it.

And now I was inspired by MaryRuth's recipe for a good chicken dish so here are a couple of my own. This first one came about when Lloyd and I went for lunch at the Fat Cat cafe. With the fries they brought a bottle of malt vinegar and this recipe was on the back of it. It has a Caribbean taste--something a little different:

PEACHY CHICKEN

1. Drain 1 large can of sliced peaches, reserve juice.

2. Brown boneless, skinless chicken pieces in 1 Tbsp. oil.

3. Combine peach juice, 1/4 cup frozen orange juice (thawed), 1/4 cup malt vinegar, 1 Tbsp. brown sugar, 1 tsp.  basil, 1/2 tsp. salt, 1/4 tsp. each ground cloves and cinnamon, 1/8 tsp. pepper and pour over chicken.

4. Cover, simmer for 30 min.

5. Add peaches, heat through.

6. Combine 2 Tbsp.  each cornstarch and water, stir into pan. Heat, stirring till thickened.

7. Serve over rice.

CROCK POT ASIAN CHICKEN

1. In skillet, heat 1 Tbsp. oil, add boneless, skinless chicken pieces and brown on both sides.

2. Tranfer the chicken to crockpot and add: 1/2 cup soy sauce, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup ketchup, 2 tsp. fresh grated ginger. Stir thoroughly.

3. Cover, cook on low for 5-6 hours or on high for 2-3 hours. In the middle of cooking, stir to coat the chicken. When done, remove chicken and reserve 1/4 cup cooking liquid. Combine this with 1/2 cup Hoisin sauce, and 1 Tbsp. lime juice and drizzle over chicken. 

4. Optional: sprinkle with sesame seeds and green onions.

5. Serve over rice.

How I Coped With My Husband’s Depression / Judy

If you suppose that the full-blown rapture of young romantic love is the sum of the possibilities which spring from the fountains of life, you have not yet lived to see the devotion and the comfort of longtime married love. Married couples are tried by temptation, misunderstandings, separation, financial problems, family crises, illness; and all the while love grows stronger, the mature love enjoys a bliss not even imagined by newlyweds. (Boyd K. Packer, Mine Errand from the Lord, pg 246-247)

how i coped with my husband’s depression

Woman’s Day, July 19, 1994, pgs 70 & 72.

By Judy Abbott

Three years ago, my husband and I faced the biggest challenge of our 26-year marriage: his descent into severe depression and anxiety.

Lloyd and I met at age 15, then married eight years later. During the next 18 years we had nine children and traveled the world with the military. Whatever we did—even a task as mundane as grocery shopping—was fun because we were together. His droll sense of humor kept me in stitches for years. In fact, my life was filled with so much laughter and affection that I never understood why people said you had to work at marriage.

when the laughter stopped

Then Lloyd resigned his military commission and began a new job. Soon after that, the laughter gradually stopped. Not only was the job physically and mentally draining, but Lloyd was also harassed, belittled and constantly threatened with termination. He looked for another job but found nothing that paid enough to cover our expenses. He began to resent our large family (we still had six kids between the ages of 6 and 19 at home).  The cost of supporting so many people made him feel trapped.

The longer he had the job, the more morose he became. One of the kids said, “it’s like a dark cloud is following Dad around.” In fact, Lloyd frowned so fiercely that all talk and laughter dried up whenever he entered a room. Once, when our daughter called from college, he said, “you’ll have to come home because we’re bankrupt.” We weren’t, but that was his bleak view of the world at the time. I knew my husband was troubled, but I simply didn’t know how to help him.

When Lloyd began to have physical symptoms, I grew even more worried. Occasionally I’d see him clutch his stomach and double over, “I feel like I’m being crushed to death,” he said.

Then the insomnia began. Lloyd awoke between 1 and 3 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep. He was so exhausted that his work suffered. His long commute—an hour each way—put him in additional peril. Sometimes he fell asleep at the wheel and drove off the road. Once he even drifted into the path of an 18-wheeler, where he was awakened by the blast of its air horn.

hopeful

One of Lloyd’s friends at work was a doctor who’d watched his deterioration with concern. When Lloyd walked into the doctor’s office and announced, “I can’t go on any longer; I just want to put my head down and howl,” his friend called me. We arranged for my husband to be admitted into the hospital immediately.

I left Lloyd behind the locked door of a psychiatric ward and made it to the parking lot before the tears started. I sat in the car, put my head on the steering wheel and sobbed. I was overwhelmed with grief, but I was also hopeful that at last someone might be able to help us.

Lloyd’s treatment included a combination of drug therapy, group therapy and daily consultation with a psychiatrist. Lloyd’s condition was diagnosed as “situational depression,” caused by his stressful job. Fortunately, that’s easier to treat than other forms of depressive illness, and his prognosis for recovery was excellent.

focus on the happiness of our lives

I felt so bad for Lloyd that tears welled up whenever I thought of him. I wasn't any good for anybody then, so I tried to push him from my mind. I needed all my strength to keep the family together and see to the children’s needs. Our 6-year-old had already pulled the hair out of his eyebrows, and the others were hurting too. To help everyone, I suggested we try to focus on the happiness in our lives. Together we laughed, watched our favorite videos and took pleasure in the spring flowers. I also pampered myself with bubble baths and other small treats.

Most of all, I tried not to think about Lloyd. It seemed callous, and I felt guilty at times, but it was necessary for my own sanity. I’d force myself to think about a movie I'd seen or I'd daydream about redecorating the house. When all else failed, I even recited the multiplication tables. I wasn't always successful, but I did learn to control almost all of my thoughts.

Lloyd was hospitalized for three weeks, and I spent two hours with him every night. During one visit, he suffered a severe panic attack. He became pale and sweaty, his voice quavered and his whole body clenched. I patted him gently and told him how I’d managed pain during childbirth. When the nurse came in, we were sitting side by side on his bed doing Lamaze breathing techniques.

renewal

After his release from the hospital, Lloyd continued taking antidepressant drugs and attended weekly counseling sessions for six months. For another four months he had monthly counseling, while gradually cutting down on medication. Today—three years later—he neither sees a counselor nor takes any antidepressant drugs.

We're still struggling, though. Lloyd did lose the job that caused him so much grief. While trying to recover, he had to look for and learn a new entry-level job. I was forced to go to work for the first time since our children were born. It was a big adjustment for everyone, and even with two salaries, our income is little over half what it used to be.

Despite these setbacks, Lloyd and I learned that our love and commitment to each other are strong and solid. I watched him face his personal hell and appreciated the courage it took for him overcome it. He says I was his savior—always supportive and loving and never critical. I feel like I've fallen in love with all over again.

lloyd’s comment:  Judy is my friend and rescuer, no doubt about it.  But I had to bottom out and be on a psychiatric ward before I'd let her in close enough to help.

Guys, don't be so foolish as I was. You who kneeled at altars across from your sweethearts jointly made priesthood covenants that affect you together and individually. Don’t fail to recognize the robes of the priesthood that your wives wear. They have great power granted to them that greatly bless their husband’s lives when husbands are humble enough and wise enough to accept their exratraordinary influence.

Blissful Valentines Experiences / Lloyd

GREAT VALENTINES QUOTES FROM PRES. BOYD K. PACKER

(Mine Errand from the Lord)

"Romantic love is not only a part of life, but literally a dominating influence of it. It is deeply and significantly religious. There is no abundant life without it." (pg 246)

"The compelling need that draws a husband back to his wife is always to be expressed in tenderness and love. It is through this process that a wife may give her husband, and a husband his wife, a gift which can be received in no other way--the gift of children." (pg 243)

________________________________

In March 1995 Judy had an article published in the Ensign magazine about the importance of fidelity, acceptance, and openness in a marriage. Understanding and developing these priniciples in a relationship provides the basis for years and years of blissful Valentines experiences. 

TRUST THAT DEEPENS THROUGH THE YEARS

By Judy Abbott

One morning not long ago, my husband, Lloyd, went to work wearing his fashionably correct business suit, his silk paisley tie, and his beige raincoat. As usual, he carried his leather briefcase—and the same old bright purple lunch box with “My Pet Monster” lettered on the front. You have to love a man like that.

After he left, I went grocery shopping. At the store, all the tabloids featured stories of the rich and famous and their unhappy relationships. I have to admit that sometimes I have envied their affluence, especially during those times when it seems by comparison that my husband and I have mainly debts and children. But reading those tabloids reminded me that Lloyd and I have many things far more important than material wealth. The trust we share, for example, is of inestimable value in today’s world.

First Level of Trust: Fidelity

In our twenty-six years of marriage, we have discovered that there are actually several levels of trust. The first is the most obvious: spouses should be able to trust each other to be faithful.

My husband and I had been married about three years when I realized that I trusted him completely at this level. A friend came to me in tears and told me that she had seen her husband driving with a young woman in his car. My friend was convinced that her husband was having an affair. I could not understand how she could reach that conclusion with no other evidence. If I had seen my husband in that situation, I would have assumed only that he was giving the young woman a ride for the sake of her security. I don’t take Lloyd for granted, but I know that he avoids spending time alone with other women. He knows that I observe the same caution about spending time with other men.

Marriage vows should place unbreachable walls around a couple. Sometimes people selfishly and mistakenly see these as prison walls from which to escape. But committed couples can see them as walls around a beautiful garden. With so much peace and happiness being cultivated inside, why would anyone want to go outside?

The Bible teaches us to “live joyfully with the wife [or husband] whom thou lovest” (Eccl. 9:9). Living joyfully together requires commitment that breeds trust.

Second Level of Trust: Acceptance

The next level of trust became apparent to me a few years later in our marriage when I realized that I trusted Lloyd never to hurt me deliberately. Even if he said or did something that someone else could possibly construe as thoughtless or insulting, I would not see it that way, because I know he did not mean it hurtfully. I know he is always—and in all ways—on my side.

This level of trust includes unconditional acceptance. Lloyd is the only person in the world who will still love me if I have been weak, whiny, imperfect, or childish. We two know a thousand little details about each other—some of them embarrassing or painful—and yet we rely on each other never to use the knowledge in a hurtful way.

Thoughtfully, he never chews his ice around me because he knows it makes my teeth ache and my hair stand on end. I know that he often gets embarrassed when surprised by something inappropriate in a movie and averts his eyes by putting his head on my shoulder. He understands, or at least tolerates, my enthusiasm for “Star Trek”; he isn’t jealous of the huge picture of Captain Kirk in our room and never complains when he bumps his head on the model of theEnterprise hanging from the ceiling. I know how much he loves his old Fiero and understand why he dreads letting anyone else drive it.

Undoubtedly in every marriage the partners have their share of strong personal preferences, peeves, foibles, and weaknesses. Some of ours could be sources of contention between us—if we chose to make them so. We have chosen instead to accept each other unconditionally, as we are.

Third Level of Trust: Openness

The third level of trust we have discovered is a complete openness that allows each of us, when we operate on this level, to be a better person because of our relationship.

A few years ago, for example, summer brought us several unusual expenses. There were the costs of sending children to camp or to visit relatives, and we had to replace some household appliances. When I ranted that there was not enough money to go around and that some bills were not going to get paid in the month that was upon us, Lloyd reminded me, “But look what we have been able to do this summer. Let’s focus on that instead of on what we can’t do. We’ll be happier if we have more gratitude.” Because I knew that he was right and that I could learn from him in this situation, I didn’t allow myself to feel defensive. An important part of openness between marriage partners is being able to accept suggestions and ideas from a spouse without assuming that any criticism was implied.

The deeper levels of trust in a marriage can be hard to achieve; some come only after years of shared struggles. For example, I have gone through pregnancy and childbirth nine times with Lloyd at my side. Those experiences, along with the responsibility (and sometimes heartache) of rearing each child, could either drive a couple apart or cement them together. We have chosen to let our shared experiences be like cement between us. We hope to learn much more about levels of trust—learning that can only come if we work together. Perhaps this is part of what it means to “cleave unto [each other] and none else” (D&C 42:22).

Besides the shared hard times, there are also shared good times—the indescribable sweetness of family life. It may not be full of the thrills and excitement that some people seek, but we had all the excitement we could handle not long ago when we helped prepare four science fair projects at once. Our children have brought us so much more than responsibility and occasional heartaches; they have been a large part of the happiness in the garden my husband and I are cultivating.

I have heard many people say, “You have to work at marriage.” In many ways this is true. But a strong marriage is not all work; there is also plenty of humor and play. I have known many couples who have achieved the levels of trust mentioned here, and their marriages are filled with fun.

I am grateful for my knowledge of eternity, because the measly fifty years my husband and I might spend together in this life just isn’t enough. We want it to go on. When we put our arms around each other, it doesn’t matter what is happening outside our garden. The earth could be shaking and falling down around it, but here inside, everything is all right. For us, that is a start on something we would like to build on forever.

Love of God, Love of Spouse, Similar Process / Lloyd

newlyweds

When we start out as newlyweds we proceed with hope and faith in the process of marriage, often based on the desirable relationships we've witnessed in the lives of others, often our parents’ lives.

faith, to be faith

In another but similar context Elder Boyd K. Packer explains the process of coming to know and love God:

Faith, to be faith, must center around something that is not known. Faith, to be faith, must go beyond that for which there is confirming evidence. Faith, to be faith, must go into the unknown. Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness. If everything has to be known, if everything has to be explained, if everything has to be certified, then there is no need for faith. Indeed, there is no room for it. (Mine Errand from the Lord,2008, p 61)

insight into developing love

Judy, my wife, often points out that love is not so much an ethereal feeling towards someone as it is concrete action on their behalf--caring service, e.g., doing the dishes. 

“Do you love me” from Fiddler on the Roof (lyrics by Sheldon Hamick) offers a view into the process of developing love:

(Tevye)

Do you love me?

(Golde)

Do I what?

(Tevye)

Do you love me?

(Golde)

Do I love you?

With our daughters getting married

And this trouble in the town

You're upset, you're worn out

Go inside, go lie down!

Maybe it's indigestion

(Tevye)

"Golde I'm asking you a question..."

Do you love me?

(Golde)

You're a fool

(Tevye)

"I know..."

But do you love me?

(Golde)

Do I love you?

For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes

Cooked your meals, cleaned your house

Given you children, milked the cow

After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

(Tevye)

Golde, The first time I met you

Was on our wedding day

I was scared

(Golde)

I was shy

(Tevye)

I was nervous

(Golde)

So was I

(Tevye)

But my father and my mother

Said we'd learn to love each other

And now I'm asking, Golde

Do you love me?

(Golde)

I'm your wife

(Tevye)

"I know..."

But do you love me?

(Golde)

Do I love him?

For twenty-five years I've lived with him

Fought him, starved with him

Twenty-five years my bed is his

If that's not love, what is?

(Tevye)

Then you love me?

(Golde)

I suppose I do

(Tevye)

And I suppose I love you too

(Both)

It doesn't change a thing

But even so

After twenty-five years

It's nice to know