tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73187517833124925562024-03-05T01:06:44.779-08:00She Says, He Says (One Relationship,Two Distinctive Perspectives)Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.comBlogger250125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-62887668340246638992022-07-31T22:03:00.005-07:002022-07-31T22:36:17.495-07:00Pregnancy Over 40 / Lloyd<p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In our earlier posting, <a href="https://judyandlloyd.blogspot.com/2014/07/what-is-law-of-sarah-option-b-lloyd.html" rel="nofollow">The Law of Sarah -- Option B</a>, we noted:</span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> <br /></span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today, as the Lord hastens his work in a darkening and dangerous world the need is more critical than ever for faithful women to bring children into the world and nurture them in the faith, righteousness, and courage.</span></p></blockquote><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The mothers of the stripling warriors had demonstrated remarkable faith in their own lives. The women were among the CONVERTED Lamanites who made a covenant to never take up arms even in their defense rather than risk a return to shedding innocent blood and the eternal loss of forgiveness.</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> <br /></span></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And God tested that resolve when the CONVERTED community prostrated selves on the ground and their enemy slew over a 1000 of them where they lay. These surviving tried and tested mothers understood that resolve and desire to obey are weighed by level of sacrifice.</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now when the people saw that they were coming against them they went out to meet them, and prostrated themselves before them to the earth, and began to call on the name of the Lord; and thus they were in this attitude when the Lamanites began to fall upon them, and began to slay them with the sword.</span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And thus without meeting any resistance, they did slay a thousand and five of them; and we know that they are blessed, for they have gone to dwell with their God.</span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now when the Lamanites saw that their brethren would not flee from the sword, neither would they turn aside to the right hand or to the left, but that they would lie down and perish, and praised God even in the very act of perishing under the sword—</span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now when the Lamanites saw this they did forbear from slaying them; and there were many whose hearts had swollen in them for those of their brethren who had fallen under the sword, for they repented of the things which they had done.</span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And it came to pass that they threw down their weapons of war, and they would not take them again, for they were stung for the murders which they had committed; and they came down even as their brethren, relying upon the mercies of those whose arms were lifted to slay them. (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/24.21-25?lang=eng#20" rel="nofollow">Alma 24:21-25</a>)</span></p></blockquote><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"> </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><span style="color: black; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Judy and I have decided that</span><span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> if ever there were women who demonstrated faith like the mothers of those stripling warriors, it would be faithful women who DESIRE children so much they would be WILLING to accept pregnancy and motherhood late in life -- even beginning in their 40's. This is true both for women who undertake live birth and those who battle for adoption.</span><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br /></span><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">These would be seasoned women who could coach their children in living true values. </span><span style="line-height: 27.6px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Judy and I recently found a Wikipedia article entitled </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy_over_age_50" rel="nofollow" style="line-height: 27.6px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Pregnancy Over 50.</a><span style="line-height: 27.6px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> And all such women of record are listed. Overall, there aren't many on the list. </span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: verdana; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px; white-space: pre-wrap;">How would the Lord approach an older couple about having children late in life, especially those who thought they already had their family or who were never able to have children themselves? Could that not be occasion for having one's Calling and Election Made Sure and a renewal of their bodies - the Lord selectively adjusting the laws that affect fertility and interceding for them to have the energy and ability to raise those children?</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 4pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Surely husbands would need such a heavenly endowment to be able to support their wives emotionally and provide for them materially. It would require a level of faith and consecration practically commensurate to that of their wives.</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p>
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-65385012236615737672022-07-29T01:28:00.009-07:002022-07-29T02:10:38.863-07:00Redirecting from polarizing politics to what matters most / Lloyd<p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;">Judy and I wrote "</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;">She Says, He Says" </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;">from 2008 to 2017 with the intention of passing on lessons learned to our children with their growing families. That effort ended with the 2016 election. We got sidetracked by politics, the pandemic, and war.</span></span></p><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Now that our grandchildren are marrying and beginning their own families, we’ve decided to refocus our posts on this blog and on social media posts to family issues.</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">In that process I took time to read and consider the 334 posts that started in Oct 2008, when we began "She Says, He Says," and to a degree I relived our documented challenges and concerns. Although a lot has changed in our world, having children and raising them continues to have a recognizable structure.</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"> </span></div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">For Judy and me family life takes center stage. Deciding when to have children (Have a Baby - posted 5 Apr 2015), what constitutes successful day-to-day life (Women Are Powerful -- We Create the Culture - posted 17 Oct 2016), and how to help little children take responsibility for their lives, beginning with issues like staying in bed and getting to sleep at night (Solving Bedtime Problems - posted 12 Jan 2016) is the nitty-gritty of developing families. It's what matters most right now.</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">So now Judy and I will restart "She Says, He Says", which has been sitting idle since January 2017). In our Facebook posts we will reference the longer posts in "She Says, He Says" because they are more appropriate to a blog. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">It is true that this blog already has many past political posts, which are what sidetracked us from what matters most in the first place. But from here on our focus will be more on family life.</span></div></div>Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-86866477997663855982017-01-02T01:11:00.001-08:002017-01-02T01:35:31.945-08:00What Motivated Joseph Smith, Jr.'s Prayer? / Lloyd<br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today was the first Sunday of 2017, and this year the Church-wide curriculum focuses on the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Doctrine and Covenants</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Doctrine and Covenants</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">one of the standard works of the Church in company with the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Holy Bible</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Book of Mormon</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, and the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Pearl of Great Price</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. It is a collection of divine revelations and inspired declarations given of God through His chosen prophets for the restoration of His holy work and the establishment of the kingdom of God on the earth in these last days preparatory to His Second Coming. <a href="https://goo.gl/z2wHJI" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">See Introduction</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I teach boys between 8 and 12 years old, so it’s a time to establish fundamentals -- building on their parents’ teaching and example at home and early Primary instruction starting from age 3 to age 8. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The first question is what motivated Joseph Smith, Jr’s (a boy about 14 and a half) prayer to God in the early Spring of 1820? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The answer that seemed to be the most motivating was that since age twelve, when he started attending meetings at various churches and seriously reading the Bible, Joseph came to believe he was not in harmony with God and he wanted to know how he could be forgiven. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">However, when he looked to where he could go to find peace and assurance, the existing strife between churches, preachers, and sect members seemed so discordant to Joseph, he couldn’t see how any of them represented a way to the peace of mind that he sought.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ultimately, Joseph’s visiting, reading and discussions led him to believe that Heavenly Father would show him mercy and guide him to a church that would help him.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But most important of all, Joseph Smith, Jr.’s search became intensely and personally earnest and worthy of the Spirit's confirmation and assurance when he became convinced that he needed to be right with God and believed that God would respond positively to his personal prayer for help.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s likely that like young Joseph Smith, Jr., many adults have felt a sore need to importune God for direction, intervention, and perhaps forgiveness and relief. And today we can build on young Joseph’s experience. </span></div>
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com328tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-17046619595173351252016-12-30T02:22:00.000-08:002016-12-31T23:51:18.158-08:00Why Our Family Pays Tithes and Offerings / Lloyd<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s the end of the year and families, including children, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints meet with their Bishop for annual tithing settlement. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Beforehand the ward (congregation) financial clerk provided us with a record of our contributions that year, which include tithing and freewill offerings in addition to tithing such as fast offerings for the poor, humanitarian offerings, and support of young men and women serving two-year proselyting missions. Families come to tithing settlement having reconciled their records of contributions with Church records. Any differences are researched and corrected. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But the most important purpose of tithing settlement is our annual declaration to the Bishop that we are either full tithe payers, partial tithe payers, or paid no tithing at all. A full tithing is 10% of our annual increase. Our parents taught that we pay 10% of our gross earnings before any deductions. Other families may read that differently, but that is not at issue in our declaration to the Bishop. We declare that we have paid a full tithing that year or less. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Paying a full tithing is one requirement for worthiness to receive authorization from the Bishop to enter the Temple and participate in the most sacred ordinances of the Gospel: including marriage for time and eternity, and proxy baptism and other ordinances for our kindred dead which must be performed in mortality. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Reflecting on tithing, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland outlined reasons for paying tithing, which Judy and I can attest to after 49 years of marriage, raising our children, and paying our tithes and offerings. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(</span><a href="https://goo.gl/1TolUD" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Holland, “Like a Watered Garden,” January 2002</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ONE</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> -- We pay our tithing to rightfully claim the blessings promised those who do so. “Prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of Hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.” </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(</span><a href="https://goo.gl/Y0p2Mj" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Malachi 3:10-11</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">TWO</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> -- We pay our tithing as a declaration that possession of material goods and the accumulation of worldly wealth are </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">not</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the uppermost goals of your existence. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As one young husband and father, living on a student budget, recently told me, “Perhaps our most pivotal moments as Latter-day Saints come when we have to swim directly against the current of the culture in which we live. Tithing provides just such a moment. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Living in a world that emphasizes material acquisition and cultivates distrust for anyone or anything that has designs on our money, we shed that self-absorption to give freely, trustingly, and generously. By this act, we say—indeed—we are different, that we are God’s peculiar people. In a society that tells us money is our most important asset, we declare emphatically it is not.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">THREE</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> -- We pay our tithes and offerings out of honesty and integrity because they are God’s rightful due. Surely one of the most piercing lines in all of scripture is Jehovah’s thundering inquiry, “Will a man rob God?” And we ask, “Wherein have we robbed thee?” He answers, “In tithes and offerings.”</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(</span><a href="https://goo.gl/mLdSOC" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Malachi 3:8-9</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">)</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Paying tithing is </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">not</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> a token gift we are somehow charitably bestowing upon God. Paying tithing is discharging a debt.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">FOUR --</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> We pay our tithes and offerings as a personal expression of love to a generous and merciful Father in Heaven. Through His grace God has dealt bread to the hungry and clothing to the poor. At various times in our lives that will include all of us, either temporally or spiritually speaking. </span></div>
Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-23705653783883754022016-12-29T03:13:00.000-08:002017-01-01T00:11:14.908-08:00The Terrible Plight of Wealthy North America / Lloyd <span style="font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Having seen great poverty in other countries, I understand that in comparison the majority of men and women in this country are unbelievably wealthy -- no matter what we ourselves think. </span><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-eec76b8d-4a47-76ec-b733-5d51517256a2"><span style="font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thus this scripture potentially applies nationwide: </span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-eec76b8d-4a47-76ec-b733-5d51517256a2"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">16 Wo unto you rich men, that will not give your substance to the poor, for your riches will canker your souls; and this shall be your lamentation in the day of visitation, and of judgment, and of indignation: The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and my soul is not saved!</span><a href="https://goo.gl/o5XOX7" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.6667px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(Doctrine & Covenants 56:16)</span></a></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-eec76b8d-4a47-76ec-b733-5d51517256a2"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Consecration and Stewardship of Property is dramatically documented in the New Testament. First, consider this account of the Rich Ruler in</span><a href="https://goo.gl/aS2fSv" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 18.6667px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Luke 18:18-26</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">:</span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-eec76b8d-4a47-76ec-b733-5d51517256a2"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">18 And a certain ruler asked him, saying, Good Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life? . . .</span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-eec76b8d-4a47-76ec-b733-5d51517256a2"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">20 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother.</span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-eec76b8d-4a47-76ec-b733-5d51517256a2"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">21 And he said, All these have I kept from my youth up.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">22 Now when Jesus heard these things, he said unto him, Yet lackest thou one thing: sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">23 And when he heard this, he was very sorrowful: for he was very rich.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">24 And when Jesus saw that he was very sorrowful, he said, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">25 For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">26 And they that heard </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">it</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> said, Who then can be saved?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Second, I recently recognized that the account of the Rich Ruler was preface, or foreshadowing, and the key to understanding “voluntarily having all things in common” as administered by the Apostles in the primitive Church of Jesus Christ. The importance of authentic and honest, voluntary agency is dramatically illustrated in this account of the Apostle Peter, Ananias, and Sapphira </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 18.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(</span><a href="https://goo.gl/AHXzBp" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 18.6667px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Acts: 1-11</span></a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 18.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">). </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Entrance into covenants with God is voluntary. But once under covenant, He holds us accountable, and penalties apply.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1 But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2 And kept back </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">part</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> of the price, his wife also being privy </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to it,</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and brought a certain part, and laid </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">it</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> at the apostles’ feet.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3 But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">part</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> of the price of the land?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4 Whiles it remained, was it not thine own? and after it was sold, was it not in thine own power? why hast thou conceived this thing in thine heart? thou hast not lied unto men, but unto God.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">5 And Ananias hearing these words fell down, and gave up the ghost: and great fear came on all them that heard these things.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">6 And the young men arose, wound him up, and carried </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">him</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> out, and buried </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">him.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">7 And it was about the space of three hours after, when his wife, not knowing what was done, came in.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">8 And Peter answered unto her, Tell me whether ye sold the land for so much? And she said, Yea, for so much.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">9 Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">are</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> at the door, and shall carry thee out.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">10 Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost: and the young men came in, and found her dead, and, carrying </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">her</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> forth, buried </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">her</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by her husband.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">11 And great fear came upon all the church, and upon as many as heard these things.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finally, compare these New Testament accounts of having all things in common with the Doctrine and Covenants. Living the Law of Consecration and stewardship of property was attempted in the Church but temporarily modified until we increase in love for others and in faith and love for Jesus Christ to fully live the law of the Zion and of the Celestial Kingdom:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">29 If thou lovest me thou shalt serve me and keep all my commandments.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">30 And behold, thou wilt remember the poor, and consecrate of thy properties for their support that which thou hast to impart unto them, with a covenant and a deed which cannot be broken.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">31 And inasmuch as ye impart of your substance unto the poor, ye will do it unto me; and they shall be laid before the bishop of my church and his counselors, two of the elders, or high priests, such as he shall appoint or has appointed and set apart for that purpose.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">32 And it shall come to pass, that after they are laid before the bishop of my church, and after that he has received these testimonies concerning the consecration of the properties of my church, that they cannot be taken from the church, agreeable to my commandments, every man shall be made accountable unto me, a steward over his own property, or that which he has received by consecration, as much as is sufficient for himself and family.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">33 And again, if there shall be properties in the hands of the church, or any individuals of it, more than is necessary for their support after this first consecration, which is a residue to be consecrated unto the bishop, it shall be kept to administer to those who have not, from time to time, that every man who has need may be amply supplied and receive according to his wants.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">34 Therefore, the residue shall be kept in my storehouse, to administer to the poor and the needy, as shall be appointed by the high council of the church, and the bishop and his council; </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(</span><a href="https://goo.gl/pYO8z4" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.6667px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">D&C 42: 29-34</span></a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When we consider the current enmity towards war refugees and toward undocumented families in our country, we're reminded of an incident when the United States refused protection and succor to Jewish refugees fleeing the Third Reich.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“On </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">13 May 1939, more than 900 Jews fled Germany aboard a luxury cruise liner, the SS St Louis. They hoped to reach Cuba and then travel to the US - but were turned away in Havana.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“The captain then steered the St Louis towards the Florida coast, but the US authorities also refused it the right to dock, despite direct appeals to President Franklin Roosevelt. Granston thinks he too was worried about the potential flood of migrants.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“They were forced to return to Europe, where more than 250 were killed by the Nazis.” </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 18.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(https://goo.gl/lNqOA7)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Wo unto </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">[us],</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> rich men, that </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">[judge unrighteous judgement and]</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> will not give our substance to </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">[those in desperate need]</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 22.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, for our riches will canker our souls; and this shall be our lamentation in the day of visitation, and of judgment, and of indignation: The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and my soul is not saved!”</span></div>
</span>Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-57598281398882832882016-12-28T02:25:00.000-08:002016-12-31T23:58:24.009-08:00America's Pride: Selfish Rich and Greedy Poor / Lloyd<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.68; margin-bottom: 16pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In successive years members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints place study emphasis on a canonical book of scripture: the </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Old Testament</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>New Testament</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Book of Mormon</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, or </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Doctrine and Covenants</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.68; margin-bottom: 16pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In 2016 </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> was the year’s course of study. We learned that Pride was the deadly Disease that caused the denial of Jesus Christ and consequent total destruction of the Nephite and Jaredite Civilizations in Ancient America. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.68; margin-bottom: 16pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In 2017 </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>The Doctrine and Covenants</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> will be the year’s course of study. And unlike the historical and distinctive cultural perspectives of the </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Bible</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Book of Mormon</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> this study will be uncomfortably close to home. We will study the destructiveness of Pride in </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> modern North American Culture.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.68; margin-bottom: 16pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Over and over again we will confront the corrosive and dysfunctional symptoms of Pride: the Greedy Rich and the Selfish Poor. Both factions were abundantly evident in this past election. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(https://goo.gl/HveNmf)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2e2e; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Selfish Rich</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">16 Wo unto you rich men, that will not give your substance to the poor, for your riches will canker your souls; and this shall be your lamentation in the day of visitation, and of judgment, and of indignation: The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and my soul is not saved!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #434343; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Greedy Poor</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">17 Wo unto you poor men, whose hearts are not broken, whose spirits are not contrite, and whose bellies are not satisfied, and whose hands are not stayed from laying hold upon other men’s goods, whose eyes are full of greediness, and who will not labor with your own hands!</span></div>
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-79469984006255784662016-11-07T01:15:00.003-08:002017-01-15T23:54:07.901-08:00Mr. Trump, Put Me on Your List! / Joshua Abbott<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There is a real possibility that on Tuesday Donald Trump will be elected the next President of the United States. As I’ve argued</span><a href="http://judyandlloyd.blogspot.com/2016/10/that-nation-might-live-joshua-abbott.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> here</span></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">,</span><a href="http://judyandlloyd.blogspot.com/2016/11/for-those-who-would-be-king-joshua.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> here,</span></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and</span><a href="http://judyandlloyd.blogspot.com/2016/11/great-leaders-build-bridgestear-down.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> here</span></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, this is the closest Americans have ever come to electing to our highest office a</span><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/12/what-we-talk-about-when-we-talk-about-demagogues/419514/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> demagogue</span></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> who, by</span><a href="http://www.dictionary.com/browse/demagogue" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> definition</span></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, seeks power "by arousing the emotions, passions, and prejudices of the people."</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Of all the "emotions, passions, and prejudices," Trump has shown a particular genius for arousing fear. He exploits our fears of terrorism, crime, immigration, impacts from trade, and dishonesty in the media. He evokes fears of racism, misogyny, nativism, and religious persecution. If FDR was correct that "the one thing we have to fear is fear itself," then Trump has proven to be the latter-day prophet of fear.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_they_came_..." style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First they came</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Socialist.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Trade Unionist.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Jew.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”</span></div>
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<a href="https://www.donaldjtrump.com/policies/immigration" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> you deport the millions of Americans who are undocumented immigrants, deport me too—because today, I am an undocumented immigrant. #PutMeOnYourList</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><a href="http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2015/nov/24/donald-trumps-comments-database-american-muslims/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> you force Muslims to register on a national database, add my name—because today, I am a Muslim. #PutMeOnYourList</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/02/politics/donald-trump-terrorists-families/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> When</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> you "take out [the] families" of terrorists, be sure to target me as well—because today, I am the family member of a terrorist. #PutMeOnYourList</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><a href="http://www.factcheck.org/2016/07/trump-torture/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> you order the torture of suspected terrorists, order my torture too—because today, I am a suspected terrorist. #PutMeOnYourList</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To those who agree, please share this message and vote to show that Americans will not be intimidated or afraid because we know that "</span><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+John+4%3A18&version=KJV" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">perfect love casteth out fear</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">."</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If Trumpism continues to prosper beyond the election, it may yet usher in a climate of fear unknown since 1930s Europe. As one writer has observed, "frightened people do frightening things." A</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Niem%C3%B6ller" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Lutheran pastor</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> who lived during that time and ended up in a concentration camp, warned what can happen when we take counsel from our fears:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The lesson of history is clear: when anyone's rights are threatened because of race, religion, ethnicity, or belief, the rights of all are threatened. The only way to defeat such threats is to speak out in solidarity. And so, Mr. Trump, I have one demand: </span><span style="font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 24px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Put me on your list!</i></span><br />
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-23396358212339155402016-11-06T12:10:00.002-08:002017-01-16T00:04:06.349-08:00Donald Trump, the Law of Chastity and the Atonement / Lloyd<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Donald Trump’s profligate violation and disdain for marital chastity and consequent dishonor to God is the showstopper for me. Let me explain.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have come to understand that the very Atonement of Jesus Christ is necessary because our Heavenly Father offered his children to progress from 1) Their state of individual spiritual men and women without physical bodies, dwelling in God’s presence to 2) The state of eternal husbands and wives with immortal physical bodies, again dwelling in God’s presence.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For that to happen he revealed to his spiritual children -- to all of us -- his Plan of Happiness, wherein he would create an earth, place his children on it in physical bodies made from the elements of earth, and test us to see whether we would obey his commandments and thereby qualify to return to his presence and continue to live as family, but with the privilege of having children of our own. After all, we are his children, children of Heavenly Parents -- who are themselves male and female.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It's my understanding that God provided Adam and Eve physical bodies the way we ourselves provide bodies for his spiritual children, our spiritual brothers and sister. That Heavenly parents, came to this earth, ate and drank food created from the elements of this earth, and created Adam and Eve in the same manner as we ourselves create children -- providing spiritual beings with physical bodies.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When Adam and Eve elected to disobey Heavenly Father and eat fruit that he forbade to eat, they transformed from immortal beings to mortal, subject to physical death -- the separation of physical body and spirit. However, their transgression enabled them to obey the more important of Heavenly Father’s commandments to multiply and replenish the earth -- and that was the choice they wrestled with before disobeying His law. Thus the process of mortality began for the spiritual children of Heavenly Father. And we are the result.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I believe that not only are we spiritual children of God before entering mortality, our physical bodies also descend from God beginning with Adam and Eve. Although we are the race of God, we are in mortality with very limited capabilities to see if we will qualify to live the life of God, continuing to have children in eternity, or to be relegated to immortal life without children and recognized family bonds. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We don’t require the super physical and intellectual capabilities that myth and fantasy would portray for children of God. In mortality our focus, the focus of the sons and daughters of God, is obedience to our Father’s law, and that requires sacrifice of our will and wants to conform to God’s will and wants for his children. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When we recognize the essential union of Heavenly Parents to create spiritual children and our opportunity as parents to provide mortal, physical bodies for God’s spiritual children on earth, only then do we fully appreciate the eternal importance and centrality of God’s Law of Chastity: Wherein the daughters of Eve and the sons of Adam have no sexual relations except with their husbands and wives with whom they are both legally (law of men) and lawfully (law of God) married. Our Heavenly Parents are not pagan gods -- prone to every kind of whim and debauchery that myth depicts of deities. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">From the beginning it was fully expected that in mortality we would learn from our experiences and choices including transgression of God’s laws. With the transgression of Adam and Even we are separated from the immediate presence of God in mortality. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thus, even before the earth was created provisions were made for a Savior to atone and mediate the effects of sin -- separation from the presence of God and physical death. Jesus Christ -- initially a spiritual child of God with us makes it possible not only for fallen mortal men and women to overcome physical death through the resurrection but also to overcome spiritual death and return to the presence of our Heavenly Parents. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6320000000000001; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The difference between Adam and Jesus Christ, is that our Heavenly Father was the father to Adam when he was yet immortal, but to Jesus Christ in mortality. Accordingly, Jesus Christ became God’s only begotten in mortal flesh and thus endowed with godly capability to function as the Redeemer of all mortal men and women. When we live in accordance to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel of Jesus Christ -- we are saved from our sins.</span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-84123c0e-3e6a-ae3e-220a-a5ecccd3c4df"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.9583999999999997; margin-bottom: 7pt; margin-top: 4pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Donald Trump’s profligate violation, verbal disdain, and continued unrepentant attitude toward marital chastity dishonors our Heavenly Father’s purposes for the creation of earth and our mortal probation and Jesus Christ’s Atonement to bring us back to the presence of Heavenly Parents. That is the showstopper for me in voting for him. Has any other candidate for President of the United States been so openly crass and disrespectful of women and family. Voting for him is voting for that. Who would do that?</span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-84123c0e-3b3c-cae8-e4fc-efd2f2d53eae"><span style="font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span>Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-10233323904471186502016-11-03T15:13:00.000-07:002017-01-16T00:05:03.043-08:00Great Leaders Build Bridges,Tear Down Walls / Joshua Abbott<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">One could reasonably ask, "What if there really is a dangerous crisis; and our leaders really are corrupt, weak, or incompetent; and we really do need a strong leader? Shouldn't a candidate who points out those realities be considered honest and courageous, instead of a wanna-be dictator?" Possibly. If those conditions are real, then saying so may not differentiate a demagogue from a good leader.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The difference is what they propose to do about it. Fortunately, we have both good and bad historical examples to help us learn to discern. A great leader confronts challenges by building others up, emphasizing unity and shared values, appealing to our virtues (love, patience, humility), and reinforcing our commitment to fundamental principles of freedom and equality. A despot tears others down, emphasizes our differences to stir up contention (rich vs. poor, women vs. men, christian vs. muslim), cultivates a cult of personality around himself, appeals to our baser instincts (fear, greed, hate), and sacrifices fundamental values for political and economic gain.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Compare how past leaders faced crises to Trump's approach:</span></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory . . . will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature." (Lincoln, First Inaugural Address)</span></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"[T]he only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." (FDR, First Inaugural Address)</span></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it--and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for your country." (JFK, inaugural address)</span></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"We welcome change and openness; for we believe that freedom and security go together, that the advance of human liberty can only strengthen the cause of world peace. . . . Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" (Reagan, Berlin, 1987)</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">And now, Trump:</span></div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems. . . . When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. . . . They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people." (speech announcing candidacy, 2015)</span></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"The most important difference between our plan and that of our opponents, is that our plan will put America First. Americanism, not globalism, will be our credo." (convention speech, 2016)</span></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words." (speech announcing candidacy, 2015)</span></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I am your voice. . . . Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it. . . . I am the Law and Order Candidate." (convention speech, 2016)</span></blockquote>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><a href="https://goo.gl/zIFRuz" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">See: For Those Who Would Be King : <span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Kingmaker's Playbook </span>/ Joshua Abbott</a></span></div>
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-51898874662621182532016-11-01T21:19:00.003-07:002017-01-16T00:04:46.384-08:00For Those Who Would Be King: The Kingmaker's Playbook / Joshua Abbott<h1 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 20pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 26.6667px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The Kingmaker's Playbook</span></span></h1>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">How does one become king? And not just a figurehead, but an absolute ruler? In the old days, kings asserted their rule by divine right, meaning either being born into it or leading an army to victory. These days, with democracy so much in vogue, it's not so simple. Not that it's impossible, but you'll have to be clever about it and probably won't get to use the title of "king."</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>First</i>, you'll need a core group of committed followers. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Next</i>, you'll need to convince at least a plurality of voters that (1) a crisis is threatening the country, (2) the current leaders are too corrupt, weak, or incompetent to do anything about it, and (3) the only solution is a strong leader, unshackled by politics. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Finally</i>, you must persuade people that you are the strong leader they need. Without the burden of scruples, you'll soon be able to leverage whatever authority they grant you into real power. </span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Along the way, you also must understand that "the way to power . . . [is] to ally [your]self with . . . powerful institutions." </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">(Shirer, 1960) </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Having access to existing social and political infrastructures will make your job so much easier.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Donald Trump seems to be following this playbook to the letter. The most accurate description of his ideology is that of an <a href="http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/01/donald-trump-2016-authoritarian-213533" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">authoritarian</a> <a href="http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/06/nationalism-donald-trump-boris-johnson-brexit-foreign-policy-xenophobia-isolationism-213995" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">nationalist</a>, and he has plenty of ambition. His greatest initial hurdle was winning control of a major political party. As neither a true conservative nor a liberal, most experts doubted he could do it. But he perceived early on what they did not—that a nationalist faction within the Republican party was gaining sway—and he seized his opportunity. Having consolidated his base and secured the nomination, Trump need only persuade voters that, distasteful as they may find him, he offers the lesser of two evils (admittedly not a high bar this year, given Hillary's unpopularity).</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Trump's speeches offer a closer look at how exactly he's following the well-established game plan. On October 13 in West Palm Beach, Florida, <a href="http://www.npr.org/2016/10/13/497857068/transcript-donald-trumps-speech-responding-to-assault-accusations" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Donald Trump gave a speech</a> that, in its tone, content, and style, was what one would expect to hear only from a would-be dictator. Overflowing with superlatives, most of what he said fell into one of several themes:</span></span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">A global conspiracy among his political opponents, the media, and leading financial institutions, is destroying the country.</span></span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The political establishment is totally corrupt, and our current leaders are liars, criminals, and traitors.</span></span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He willingly endures all their attacks and false accusations because he and the great movement he leads are our last hope to save the country.</span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All of this, including the apocalyptic and messianic allusions, come directly from the playbook outlined above. But while this message is sure to rally the faithful, it may be harder to convince more moderate voters. That's where his takeover of the Republican party comes in. Many who would otherwise be turned off by his rhetoric will find solace in voting for the party they've always been able to trust in the past.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In every democracy where an authoritarian has come to power, moderate voters have justified their support or their acquiescence with wishful, yet dangerously naive, thinking:</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"Sure, he seems a little extreme and has said some crazy things, but I'm sure that . . ."</span></span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: 48px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">he doesn't really mean what he says</span></span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: 48px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">he'll act responsibly once he's in office.</span></span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: 48px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">we'll be able to control him.</span></span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; margin-left: 48px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">we need a strongman for the current crisis.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> "And if all else fails, how bad could things really get?"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If history teaches anything, it's that things can get much worse than we in this country often imagine. At a certain point in his rise to power, all an authoritarian needs to tip the scale is complacency among those who oppose him. Anyone who thinks, "it couldn't happen here," needs to remember that every time and in every </span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">place an authoritarian has seized power, many people believed the same thing.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It can happen here. When candidates speak, we must take their words seriously. We must never let our narrow partisan interests, important as those may be, outweigh the fundamental principles of liberty and equality on which our nation was founded. The most important words in the U.S. Constitution may be the first three, "We the People," because that means the people, not the state, are sovereign. Let us learn from the experiences of those in other democracies who have at least partly abdicated their sovereignty by electing authoritarians into office. America has been blessed never to have had a king or anything close to one. May it ever be so.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">ADDENDUM</span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Joshua Abbott </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">November 2, 2016</span></h2>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-03147c8a-2704-6fae-4b79-3bd710d4bd84"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-03147c8a-2704-6fae-4b79-3bd710d4bd84"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After re-reading this post, I thought a bit of counter-analysis would be helpful. One could reasonably ask, "What if there really is a dangerous crisis; and our leaders really are corrupt, weak, or incompetent; and we really do need a strong leader? Shouldn't a candidate who points out those realities be considered honest and courageous, instead of a wanna-be dictator?" Possibly. If those conditions are real, then saying so may not differentiate a demagogue from a good leader. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The difference is what they propose to do about it. Fortunately, we have both good and bad historical examples to help us learn to discern. A great leader confronts challenges by building others up, emphasizing unity and shared values, appealing to our virtues (love, patience, humility), and reinforcing our commitment to fundamental principles of freedom and equality. A despot tears others down, emphasizes our differences to stir up contention (rich vs. poor, women vs. men, christian vs. muslim), cultivates a cult of personality around himself, appeals to our baser instincts (fear, greed, hate), and sacrifices fundamental values for political and economic gain.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Compare how past leaders faced crises to Trump's approach:</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory . . . will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature." (Lincoln, First Inaugural Address)</span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"[T]he only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." (FDR, First Inaugural Address)</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it--and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for your country." (JFK, inaugural address)</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"We welcome change and openness; for we believe that freedom and security go together, that the advance of human liberty can only strengthen the cause of world peace. . . . Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" (Reagan, Berlin, 1987)</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And now, Trump:</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems. . . . When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. . . . They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people." (speech announcing candidacy, 2015)</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"The most important difference between our plan and that of our opponents, is that our plan will put America First. Americanism, not globalism, will be our credo." (convention speech, 2016)</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words." (speech announcing candidacy, 2015)</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I am your voice. . . . Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it. . . . I am the Law and Order Candidate." (convention speech, 2016)</span></blockquote>
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-54484458412559365052016-10-27T00:20:00.000-07:002017-01-16T00:12:16.563-08:00That the Nation Might Live / Joshua Abbott<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.62; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Those who argue that Republicans should support Donald Trump despite his personal flaws are largely missing the point. It's not his vulgarity, his shady dealings, or even his alleged sexual assaults, disturbing as those are, that ultimately disqualify him. The problem with Trump runs much deeper. In the two-hundred-twenty-seven years since the first presidential election, we have had many kinds of presidents: conservative and liberal, courageous and cowardly, virtuous and immoral, honest and corrupt. Our republic has weathered them all. But we have never had a president who, like Trump, directly challenges what America stands for as a nation.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The U.S. is unique among nations because, at its core, it is not defined by its territorial boundaries or by any cultural, ethnic, linguistic, or religious identity. Any of those could change over time, and it would still be America. Even the Constitution is only an expression of the people's will, subject to change. At its core, America is an idea. As Abraham Lincoln explained, it is "a new nation, established in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal." Thus, America is a great, ongoing experiment in human affairs, testing whether "any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yet in countless ways throughout his campaign, Trump has demonstrated that he rejects that fundamental proposition. His statements regarding Mexicans ("they're rapists"), Muslims ("a temporary ban"), women ("grab them by the p----"), his opponent ("the devil"), peaceful protesters ("punch him in the face"), journalists ("lying, disgusting people"), etc., etc., etc., are well documented and need not be detailed here. They reflect a deep fear of or contempt for those who are different. No one who says such things can honestly claim to believe the self-evident truths "that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." And no one who rejects those truths should lead the nation that embodies them.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is usually around this point in a political discussion that a Trump supporter will try to turn the conversation to Hillary Clinton and her multitude of sins, arguing that whatever drawbacks Trump may have, they're not as bad as hers. For our purposes here, let's just stipulate that every plausible accusation that has been made against Clinton is true--all of it--and that she would be the worst president in U.S. history. Even then, when it comes to the survival of American constitutional democracy, there is no comparison. It's not even apples and oranges; it's apples and the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs. For all of Clinton's misdeeds, real or imagined, no one can seriously argue that she poses a threat to American democracy. Sadly, the same cannot be said of Trump.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">In 1860, when leaders in the South realized that a majority of voters in the U.S. actually believed that all people are created equal, including slaves, and that this belief would define the nation, they did what any rational person who disagrees would do--they opted out. The result was two percent of Americans killed, which for today's population would equal more than six million souls. Last week, when Trump refused to promise to accept the results of the election (unless he wins), he too was holding open the possibility of opting out. Thus, by rejecting America's founding principle, Trump represents the greatest threat to American democracy since the Civil War. That is what this election is really about.</span></div>
Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-13073546878912805242016-10-17T17:29:00.001-07:002016-10-17T18:00:01.709-07:00Women Are Powerful -- We Create the Culture / Kristen Abbott Kleinman<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhey-bVBiu9RsF71GrAJuPvc85w2FSADS5wUT2_7sC-ayYGWrZdJVc3cUBuMB9ULISmJ4nl84f8LtAXH8KXwJ0sX7GXw-jsmayaNyjD2ax_WgRQUaDuOXE9aJOkmi7o4Ccd6Z8D2S2zPh0U/s1600/Women+at+the+Heart+of+Family+Culture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhey-bVBiu9RsF71GrAJuPvc85w2FSADS5wUT2_7sC-ayYGWrZdJVc3cUBuMB9ULISmJ4nl84f8LtAXH8KXwJ0sX7GXw-jsmayaNyjD2ax_WgRQUaDuOXE9aJOkmi7o4Ccd6Z8D2S2zPh0U/s640/Women+at+the+Heart+of+Family+Culture.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Adam was pleased with his static inventory of neatly labeled stuff.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then Eve put everything into dynamic play around Family -- </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">gave her husband's stuff meaning and worth.</span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-8172d7ce-d4a4-857d-0088-cfbd5d6481cc"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She Created Culture </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>-- Lloyd</b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I believe that something essential is being forgotten. Women are powerful. After having eight boys and now this one little girl, I can see that although she is still so small, even she is powerful. She came knowing who she is, and already she shapes, inspires, and brings joy to everyone around her as she nurtures all of us. </span></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-8172d7ce-d4a5-dda5-d363-959097dfabf0" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Women are born with the God-given power to create and inspire through nurturing. We create the culture. We are the most powerful when we love and inspire men to create the structure so that we are free to focus on the culture-creating work that we are here to do. Whatever the world’s culture, we create it -- either through claiming our rightful place as women of power, or by abandoning our post through self-absorption or following the lie that the only power worth having is in the role of men. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What we currently see in the culture of the world is similar to what happens when mom is gone for the day and we are left with dad or an older kid in charge; although he is capable, everything's a little weird and full of sharp angles and hard edges. Except now mom has been gone for so long that everyone is stressed and overwhelmed. Instead of men having the confidence to protect and provide for the work of creation and growth, the destructive culture that we are limping along with in her absence is based on fulfilling the physical desires of men, and the very structure is crumbling around us.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As women, it’s time to wake up and remember who we are, the power we possess through nurturing, and what we are here to do. It's time to reclaim this culture. It’s time to recognize the significance for everyone in the culture-defining work we are here to do. It’s time to strengthen and inspire men with the power to stand up and fully embrace their role of providing structure and protection for our work, the work that brings peace, joy and growth for us all.</span></div>
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-21656073053114005632016-07-11T03:37:00.000-07:002017-01-16T00:14:55.246-08:00Whites, After All, Have Been the Dominative Power in this Country / Lloyd <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Jane Elliott -- Ms Blue Eyes / Brown Eyes</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We have learned that the general German society knew significantly more about the ill treatment of Jews, Romanos, and Homosexuals under the Third Reich than what was admitted. The question asked in the video above and audience response suggests a similar level of awareness of the plight of African-Americans among us today. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.608; white-space: pre-wrap;">Former Jimmy Carter proclaimed: </span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.608; white-space: pre-wrap;">"It is clear that we must embrace human rights and aggressively challenge our society’s acceptance of violence, which should never be seen as normal or as the preferred means of solving problems. But we know that this is true: The first time a problem arises in the world, the first response is, “What kind of violence would control this new problem?” But violence is now normal in our homes, communities, in our culture, in law enforcement and in foreign policy.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Here in the United States, lethal police violence and the use of the death penalty, disproportionately against African-Americans, communicates the clear message that the state may kill in the interest of public safety, ignoring far less violent means of protecting the public. The public at large responds by thinking that violence is useful in achieving peaceful objectives. That’s a contrary factor in words: Violence is useful in achieving peaceful objectives.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"While defending a community or a nation with military force is sometimes justifiable or is sometimes necessary, the distinction between self-defense and excessive force against others has been undermined in the global wars on terror, drugs, and crime." http://goo.gl/5AxhPF</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My son Ben has cautioned me against invoking Third Reich comparisons. So let me be clear.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6079999999999999; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 36pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I studied the Holocaust at Yeshiva U., the YIVO, and Columbia U. -- which included learning Yiddish. While the end results of Third Reich objectives and policies are overwhelming, questions of intent, moral agency, complicity, the process of moral corruption, and ultimate culpability concern me even more. As I worked my way through the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #222222; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dachau Concentration Camp Memorial Site and then toured the nearby museums of art and science and the concert halls of Munich, I asked myself over and over: “How could this happen in this extraordinary nation, and under what conditions might this happen in my own country.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the movie </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Judgment at Nuremberg</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (1961), the Reich senior judge asks how could they ever have known when they first bowed to pressure to corrupt fundamental laws that it would get so out of hand -- resulting in worldwide death, destruction, and horror? I doubt a sane person would choose those results. But in the movie the character played by Spencer Tracy replies that in knowingly dishonoring their sacred duty and office as judges they left the people and society vulnerable to it all. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rioting, looting, and murder is indefensible -- but as a people we respond with unbridled moral indignation to a situation that needed to be dealt with long before it got to this. I’ve worked and lived in inner city Philadelphia and New York: Harlem, Spanish Harlem, Bedford Stuyvesant, South Bronx, and Williamsburg. I was also a missionary in the poorest areas of Guatemala, and never did I encounter the depth of hopelessness nor anger as in our inner cities. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Societies or cultures can develop norms or trends of which citizens are fully aware. If those norms include abuse of human rights (abuse of poor, women, children, infirm, and minority populations) and are generally tolerated or accepted, that's pathological. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6079999999999999; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 36pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At times race relations and protocols in this country felt creepy, and many felt great relief when the civil rights movement addressed unspoken issues. There comes a point when city states (Ammonihah) and even nations (Jaredites, Nephites) are ripe for total destruction. But the Lord first sends his missionaries to warn them. His missionaries are now deployed. Members of those societies who tolerate pathological behavior as normative have become infected, i.e., they are complicit. I cite extreme examples of Germans and Nephites to illustrate that pathologies can and do get totally out of hand and become spiritually and physically terminal to all involved -- perps and victims alike. It’s misleading to focus on current extreme behavior without considering the larger picture. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The full brunt of the following verses from D&C 87 has yet to hit us, but will be fully unleashed as a natural consequence of normative "White" (the dominative power) abusive behavior or studied disinterest in the plight of the poor, women, children, infirm, and minority populations.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">" 4 And it shall come to pass, after many days, slaves shall rise up against their masters, who shall be marshaled and disciplined for war. [we saw the civil movement aggressively kick in during the Vietnam War]</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">" 5 And it shall come to pass also that the remnants who are left of the land will marshal themselves, and shall become exceedingly angry, and shall vex the Gentiles with a sore vexation." [think Mexico, Central and South America]</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It goes on from there, and individuals pleading ignorance will have to be sorted out at the final judgement.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">" 6 And thus, with the sword and by bloodshed the inhabitants of the earth shall mourn; and with famine, and plague, and earthquake, and the thunder of heaven, and the fierce and vivid lightning also, shall the inhabitants of the earth be made to feel the wrath, and indignation, and chastening hand of an Almighty God, until the consumption decreed hath made a full end of all nations."</span></blockquote>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.54286; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.54286; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Clearly we need to pay attention -- we need to do better. Much to the surprise of Jonah, when he prophesied that Nineveh would be overthrown in forty days,</span><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana";"><span style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.54286; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the people of Nineveh believed God. From the greatest to the least, they covered themselves in sackcloth, sat in ashes, fasted, and cried unto the Lord for mercy. They choose the road less traveled by the proud and guilty -- they repented and changed their ways for the better. Surely that's our best option as well -- </span><span style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 30.8572px; white-space: pre-wrap;">repentance, the road less traveled.</span></span><br />
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-81405389717845997552016-07-06T15:58:00.002-07:002017-01-16T00:15:13.765-08:00Little Donny Trump's Racial Spew & Legacy -- Concentrated Evil / Lloyd<br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-7ecce26e-c26e-5a59-c202-91761666e1b9"><a href="https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q21KjUNrwE8" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 17.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">HOUT BAY - Imizamo Yethu</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 17.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (South Africa)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My brother lived in South Africa during Apartheid. He reported that the Religious Right’s dogged support of Apartheid effectively resisted change using ethical and theological sophistry, racial fear & hate, and political muscle. I cringe as I read of growing Religious Right / Evangelical support for the presumptive GOP presidential candidate (</span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fgoo.gl%2FicZCfs&h=mAQEe0NSHAQH4d6rBADfh8MNMwatuBY54o3nLIl9hki_6YQ&enc=AZPSamqvW8kNkRVyzz7TjDCM4jSq2MzVRwBFJMcvHMrDZtSWXkoS8-CDGQI_p9066SixEznnrokcq3ThlEqx8U7FhUa6_gY0PfVVD6GFjEA5d9ge48egzXmd9KhdG5_WUcEYR0lWUP0cmRpz4W5cckVG8QSlo0JEsHPuuQyfcn3VT0cNmVaB_J8h8IYhW54FhumkoOmdh0r1eqzly-9a4H1m&s=1" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #365899; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">https://goo.gl/icZCfs</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">). Even in our own post civil war nation we hardly can grasp the extent of personal & societal harm of religious & racial bigotry at its worst for both perpetrators and victims.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-7ecce26e-c257-5aa4-6606-4af7fd8bdcc1" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the above special news report from South Africa gross racial and economic inequality is reduced to strategic real estate planning, reduction in wealthy [white] property values, and wealthy [whites] having to endure their proximity to wretched [black & mixed] poverty and suffering. Yet the real estate agent implies that many of the slum residents are employed in that valley by whites. The positive change among the poorest blacks and mixed may be an emerging leadership that feels empowered & encouraged. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sanctioned by the Religious Right, if only by its quiet assent, the hew of Little Donny Trump’s spew of religious and racial bigotry can be viewed today in</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span id="docs-internal-guid-7ecce26e-c26a-e492-06c4-70ac08112542"><a href="https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q21KjUNrwE8" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">HOUT BAY -- Imizamo Yethu</span></a></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> -- "concentrated evil" (from </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Time Bandits</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 21.3333px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, 1981).</span></div>
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-61215867455323129242016-03-18T13:51:00.000-07:002016-05-09T17:07:37.457-07:00Judy - Some Final Thoughts about Discipline #33<br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-f1f99540-8b76-c921-7e33-02bbd58b7b62"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>NEVER scold or chastise a child in front of others, especially their friends.</i> This shames and humiliates them and will make them more resentful than you can imagine. Try to make corrections in private so you can both focus only on the behavior, not other issues.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>NEVER use withdrawal of love or destructive criticism. </i>This can be an effective punishment and will probably eliminate the behavior, but it will leave lasting scars on a child. Nothing is worth the damage this can cause. In fact, today it is probably called “emotional abuse.”</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>ALWAYS show an increase of love after any punishment.</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Remember the <a href="http://judyandlloyd.blogspot.com/2015/09/judy-try-little-trc.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TRC Bank</a> because any kind of correction is going to make a big withdrawal from this bank, and you need to replace it with a large deposit as soon as possible. Let them know you still love them unconditionally, but this particular behavior is unacceptable in your family. Never let a child feel she’s not loved because of something she’s done or failed to do.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>ALWAYS avoid the “Cycle of Revenge.”</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Suppose your young teen does something that’s not too serious, like making faces at his sister. Then, maybe you’re tired, so you over-react and ground him for a week. Of course he’s incensed at the injustice and he wants to “get back at you” so he ruins something of yours. You discover it and yell and scream at him. He yells back and leaves the house. In frustration, you might say something regrettable like, “Fine. Don’t come back!” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This might not be a good illustration, but you can see how something can escalate. I’ve known of cases where this very thing happened and it’s terribly sad. This cycle happens between countries too and it’s never good. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>REMEMBER that sometimes the best response is no response. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For example, whining drove me up the wall so my no-response-response was to say, “I can’t understand whining; I can only understand regular voices,” and then hum as I continued doing what I was doing. One daughter says she can distinctly remember trying to make her voice sound “regular” so I would pay attention to her request.</span></div>
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<a href="http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/images/whining%20jpg.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/images/whining%20jpg.JPG" height="320" width="287" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another situation where silence was the best reply occured when one of my girls was in the moody pre-teen years. We began to clash every time she opened her mouth. I thought she was too sassy and she thought I was too critical. Fortunately she could talk to her dad, even after she stopped talking to me. He was able to describe to me how I looked through her 12-year-old eyes and, frankly, I didn’t like that picture of me. I decided that since I was the grown-up, I would have to do something about it.</span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-f1f99540-8b7a-7c9a-5349-749bd296bad6"><br /><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Obviously my criticism wasn’t helping so I needed to try another tack. No matter what outrageous thing she uttered, I would not react. I even put a sign on my fridge that said, “Do not engage” and I became as a duck’s back. I didn’t flinch or yell about anything she said, especially those things that were </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">meant </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to goad me. I often had to bite my tongue or pretend to read, but I managed it. And an interesting thing happened. Over a period of two or three months the more I didn’t respond, the less she tried to get a reaction out of me. By the time she was thirteen, a notoriously difficult age, we were able to talk again and felt close enough to weather the storms of adolescence together.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://3a09223b3cd53870eeaa-7f75e5eb51943043279413a54aaa858a.ssl.cf3.rackcdn.com//life-features_05_temp-1336398309-4fa7d1e5-620x348.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://3a09223b3cd53870eeaa-7f75e5eb51943043279413a54aaa858a.ssl.cf3.rackcdn.com//life-features_05_temp-1336398309-4fa7d1e5-620x348.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-77177264114720296422016-02-12T17:28:00.002-08:002016-02-13T01:15:59.964-08:00Judy - To Civilize The Children #32<b id="docs-internal-guid-4755a970-d832-0538-1c13-6a6af7bae583" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If your child is doing something that makes you crazy, remember that the maturation process takes care of a multitude of problems. Whatever behavior she is exhibiting at the moment will change as she gets older. Of course, then she will do other things you won’t like either, but the current headache will go away. Also, sometimes it’s comforting to watch your children among their peers. Then you realize that many of the actions that are most exasperating merely go with their age, and as their age changes, so will their actions.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In any situation, remember that </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you are the grown-up</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and should have the maturity to decide how to respond, rather than just react or worse, dither. One of my daughters worked in a bookstore and she often watched people plead with their child, “come on now, it’s time to go home. Please.” And when the child ignored them, the parents didn’t seem to know what to do. She wanted to shout at them, “You’re bigger than they are! Pick them up and take them home!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here are a few techniques to help turn our children into civilized human beings:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1) Physical</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. I hesitate to use this term because it’s so out of favor for disciplining children. Here is what I think about it. Before they talk very well, a swat or two on the bottom is sometimes the only way to get a point across. It doesn’t really hurt through all the diaper padding and it gets their attention. Sometimes I also slapped their hands if they were continually touching something breakable and expensive or dangerous. (I know you can put as much as possible out of reach, but not everything.) On the other hand, I don’t think you should </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ever</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> slap a child’s face no matter what their age because, although it may be </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>slightly </i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">painful, the worst thing about it is that it’s humiliating. And finally, if you do use swats, don’t continue after the age of three or four. Not only is it less effective but, again, it’s humiliating. And you might as well get a lot of practice with other methods before the teen years when they’ll probably be bigger than you.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes just the spectre of spanking will be enough of a deterrent. One of my daughters was having trouble with her two little boys, two and four years old. They would not stay in their room after going to bed at night. She was reading the book, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Strong-willed Child</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by Dr. James Dobson and at dinner one night she was telling her husband about it. She said Dr.Dobson recommended keeping a switch beside the bedroom door, and when a child kept coming out of his room after being put to bed, use it. When she said this, she looked up and saw two pairs of shocked eyes and two wide-open mouths as the boys listened to her.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The older one said, “No, Mama, burn that book! Flush it down the toilet!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She asked, “Don’t you think we should keep a switch by your bedroom door?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“NO, NO, NO, NO!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well, what should we do when you keep coming out of your room after bedtime?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We won’t ever again! We promise!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She says there wasn’t a problem after that.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you do use physical punishment, remember the purpose is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">not</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to relieve </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">your </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">feelings, which is unfortunately sometimes the reason we use it. The purpose is to make a change in behavior and here a few more, perhaps better, ways to do that.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2)Time-out</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. This means having the child be separate and alone for a period of time. There should be one warning before a timeout--except in the case of serious aggression, then there should be no warnings at all. Some pediatricians recommend one minute of time for each year of age since time is endless to a child. Time-outs can be effective, but be careful not to use it for </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">all</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the child’s misbehaviors. Pick a couple actions you feel strongly about and then use time-out consistently. Again, it can decrease in effectiveness with overuse.</span></div>
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<a href="http://cdn.toonvectors.com/images/35/122762/toonvectors-122762-140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn.toonvectors.com/images/35/122762/toonvectors-122762-140.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My daughter, the mother of the same two boys, said she didn’t like time-outs because her youngest son wouldn’t stay in place. It turned into a five-minute wrestling match that she always lost, and she was worn out at the end of it. I told her about an article I read that said if a child won’t cooperate and sit apart willingly, the parent should hold the child in the chair physically by hands on his shoulders to enforce the rule. If that didn’t work, put the child behind a door, then hold the door closed by the door knob; don’t lock the door. This way the child can tell the parent is there and doesn’t feel quite so abandoned. The article then said, after only a couple of weeks of practice, the child can be given the choice of sitting in the chair or going behind the door. And they usually choose the chair out of self-respect once they have the control to do it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another thing to consider about time-outs is that they won’t work at all unless there is something positive about “time-ins” with the parent. In other words, we need to have a good relationship to begin with or time-out is not a punishment at all.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3)Loss of toys or privileges</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. I once saw a Dr. Phil show where he calls this “using the child’s currency.” He was talking to a couple that had no idea how to keep their two boys from seriously fighting with each other. Evidently these fights had escalated to the point of physical damage. Then he talked with the boys for a while and found out their favorite things in the world were their action figures. He said to them, “If I said I would take away your action figures if there was any more fighting, do you think you could stop?” Both boys looked at him in horror and said, “Would you really do that?” He nodded and said, “Absolutely.” They looked at each other and back at him and said, “Yeah. We’d never fight again!” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t know how true that was, but it was the right idea. Figure out what is your child’s “currency” then use it somehow to encourage good </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">behavior.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4)Grounding</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. This seems to be the punishment of choice for parents of older kids and teens, but personally I never liked it. I didn’t use it because it seemed like more a punishment for me than for them. However, I know many people swear by it, so maybe it has some merit, especially for certain things, like chores or homework. Again, kids should have one warning, or at least a discussion about consequences for certain undesirable behaviors before grounding is instituted.</span></div>
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<a href="http://mightymag.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Blog-167sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://mightymag.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Blog-167sm.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Final thoughts.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The best way to teach your child about civilized behavior is by example. Probably 99% of our behavior is absorbed by osmosis from the environment we live in. If you don’t want them to fight, don’t fight with your spouse. If you don’t like their swearing, don’t swear. If you don’t like them making messes, try to keep you own stuff as neat as possible. If you want school to be important to them, show them that learning is important to you by reading, taking classes, trying new things. And if you want them to treat you with respect, treat them and everybody else with that same respect.</span></div>
Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-14453283493687123942016-01-20T10:33:00.001-08:002016-01-20T10:33:20.289-08:00Judy - More Sleep Aids #31<br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here are a few more ideas to help kids get to sleep:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">MUSIC</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In his book, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Mozart Effect,</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Don Campbell explains how different kinds of music can actually lower blood pressure, deepen or slow breathing patterns, calm stress, and change brain waves from </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">beta</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, wide awake, to an </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">alpha</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> or relaxed pattern. He suggests slower music such as Baroque (Bach, Vivaldi), Classical (Mozart), or even New Age (Enya). He reports that in some hospitals patients are prescribed music along with medications and sometimes they have been able to reduce their sedatives or anesthetic drugs considerably. One doctor stated that half an hour of Mozart produced the same effect as Valium.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think Vivaldi would be better for kids than Valium (as tempting as that might be sometimes) and, according to Don Campbell, this kind of music has the additional effect of making them more creative and even more intelligent, especially in math and language. Wow! So put on some of the slower Mozart pieces and let </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">him </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">lull your child to sleep. </span></div>
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<a href="http://img00.deviantart.net/2fdb/i/2011/003/d/8/baby_mozart_by_kcidis-d36c3oj.jpg" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></a></div>
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<a href="http://img00.deviantart.net/2fdb/i/2011/003/d/8/baby_mozart_by_kcidis-d36c3oj.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://img00.deviantart.net/2fdb/i/2011/003/d/8/baby_mozart_by_kcidis-d36c3oj.jpg" height="208" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The problem in a large family is that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another. Some of our children liked and used our Mozart tapes and others just wanted quiet. If they were roommates they had to work out a compromise, but that's another blog.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">AROMATHERAPY</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This means the use of essential oils from plants and flowers for certain therapeutic effects. Some oils, such as peppermint or the citrus oils of orange or grapefruit, will energize you and wake you up. I read about an experiment in Japan where peppermint oil was diffused throughout an office setting and productivity went up an appreciable amount while absenteeism went down.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On the other hand, oils such as lavender have a slight sedative effect. Sometimes I put a drop on the cold light bulb in the lamp next to my bed, then turn on the lamp and start to read. The warmth of the lighted bulb soon wafts the scent of lavender through the room and before I know it, I’m so sleepy I can’t keep my eyes open and have to close the book.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can buy these oils online or at health food stores and other places where alternative medicines are sold. It’s important to get the actual essential oils, which will cost more, and not just something that smells like it or you won’t get the same result. To use these oils, you can do like I do with the light bulb, or put a few drops (it doesn’t take much) into an electric diffuser.</span></div>
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<a href="http://g01.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1siAsJFXXXXcSXpXXq6xXFXXXG/2015-Newest-Aroma-Diffuser-Aromatherapy-Air-Purifier-LED-USB-Cartoon-Panda-Humidifier-NVIE.jpg" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></a></div>
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<a href="http://g01.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1siAsJFXXXXcSXpXXq6xXFXXXG/2015-Newest-Aroma-Diffuser-Aromatherapy-Air-Purifier-LED-USB-Cartoon-Panda-Humidifier-NVIE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://g01.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1siAsJFXXXXcSXpXXq6xXFXXXG/2015-Newest-Aroma-Diffuser-Aromatherapy-Air-Purifier-LED-USB-Cartoon-Panda-Humidifier-NVIE.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">MASSAGE</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here is a link to a slide show and video that demonstrate a baby massage: </span><a href="http://www.babycenter.com/slideshow-baby-massage" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">http://www.babycenter.com/slideshow-baby-massage</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I recommend using a lavender-scented baby lotion while doing this. You can adapt the technique to older children as well. As I’ve mentioned before, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">touch </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">is a comforting way to show love and touch combined with the relaxing effect of massage could be helpful. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I also make a special “Sleepy Time Salve” that helps me a lot and would be beneficial for anyone who has a hard time getting to or staying asleep. Here is the recipe (all these items can be obtained through Amazon, other online sources or health food stores):</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In a glass measuring cup put 1/2 cup of coconut oil, 1/2 cup of olive oil, and 2 Tbsp. of beeswax pastilles. Place in hot water in a saucepan and melt over medium to low heat until everything is melted, about 15-20 min. Remove from saucepan and add the following essential oils: 25 drops of lavender, 25 drops of orange, 25 drops of cedarwood, 25 drops of peppermint, and 10 drops of cinnamon. Pour into container and keep stirring till cool. This will take a while but don’t stop until the mixture begins to look a little opaque and thickens. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At night, about half an hour before bedtime, take a small amount, no more than half a teaspoon or less, rub it all over the feet, then put on socks. The oil will absorb into the skin very quickly, especially in the feet, then you can either take off the socks (which I do) or leave them on all night. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We all need a good night’s sleep, both parents and children, and I hope you find these suggestions helpful to you and your family. Whether you use one or a combination of these techniques, make it a part of the bedtime routine. It will give you personal time with your children, each one individually, and also clue them in that it’s time to relax. As kids get older, they may continue it by themselves because it has become the signal to go to sleep.</span></div>
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<br />Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-39145929502466416192016-01-12T19:32:00.000-08:002016-01-12T19:32:57.071-08:00Judy - Solving Bedtime Problems #30<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I once read in </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PA Today</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, the magazine for physician assistants, that sleep patterns are the number one concern for parents of young children, ages two to six. This tends to be especially true for working parents. They want to spend as much time with their kids as possible, so they abandon a regular bedtime schedule. But it can be a problem with anybody. </span></div>
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<a href="http://geniuspregnancy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/sleep-disorders3.s600x600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://geniuspregnancy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/sleep-disorders3.s600x600.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I’ve mentioned several times before, kids need structure, and it’s certainly true in this area. Young children need a set bedtime to feel secure, even if that bedtime is later than you think it should be, and it should be as to the same every night, even on weekends.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Most parents have some sort of ritual with stories and songs that signals to the child it’s time to settle down and go to sleep. After the ritual is over, however, you have to be absolutely consistent about leaving the room and expecting them to go to sleep. Unfortunately, this means you may have to take them by the hand and lead them back to bed about a hundred times at first while you establish the schedule. One pediatrician suggested you don’t talk to them at all as you’re taking them back to bed. Hopefully, if you are calm and consistent but don’t talk to them, no matter how many times you have to repeat the routine, eventually they will learn you are serious, that you won’t be drawn into a power play to prolong the inevitable.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Along with a regular bedtime, there are four gentle techniques I used that helped a restless child relax enough to sleep. I’ll talk about the first one on this blog and the other three in the next one:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Guided imagery</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There was a wonderful little book called </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Starbright: Meditations for Children</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by Maureen Graf that may be out of print now. This book described ways to help your child think about pleasant topics until they drop off to sleep. You begin by saying, “I’m going to tell you a story. Close your eyes so you can see the pictures in your mind.” Then in a quiet, soothing voice you tell them to notice their breathing a while until they seem more relaxed. “Now we’re going to go into a beautiful garden. But right outside the walls of the garden is a big tree. This is the Worry Tree. If there’s anything that’s worrying you or making you feel bad, hang it on the tree so you don’t take it into the garden with you.” Then describe what your child would consider a lovely spot. Maybe she can help you be describing what she sees in the garden.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4Deo7h44VlJj-kf6diGuBdJX6WdL-t6zIoXpPD-sNhu6vXZWjtuyX3Si2bChTjW75e4gBPP6hX_XO07QF-lAk0uRaTMKrwkMsHUc2Shc4Y0TRt_Me9AdPu4ZvDpSh5eLuqiJ42lEgeMEQ/s1600/Fairy-Tale-Environment.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4Deo7h44VlJj-kf6diGuBdJX6WdL-t6zIoXpPD-sNhu6vXZWjtuyX3Si2bChTjW75e4gBPP6hX_XO07QF-lAk0uRaTMKrwkMsHUc2Shc4Y0TRt_Me9AdPu4ZvDpSh5eLuqiJ42lEgeMEQ/s1600/Fairy-Tale-Environment.png" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Scenarios</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All this calms her down and makes her more relaxed. When you judge the time is right, you can tell her one of several “stories” that she can continue to think about after you have left the room. These scenarios include her becoming very, very small so she is down among the blades of grass and meets a family of ants. The mother ant has an apron and the father wears a hat and the kids wear either ribbons or baseball caps. They greet her enthusiastically and take her to their home. The ant children show her their special toys, and you can use your imagination about what they all do together. After a few minutes of this, say, “I’m going to leave for a while. You keep thinking about the ants and what fun things they do, and I’ll be back in 10 minutes.” Be sure you do return in 10 minutes--set an alarm or something. Usually, she will be sound asleep in that time, but if she isn’t, keep talking about what it is like down among the blades of grass, then again say you will leave for a while but will be back in 10 minutes. It’s amazing how often this works.</span></div>
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<a href="http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/happytreefriends/images/8/88/Ants.PNG/revision/latest?cb=20100301232933" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/happytreefriends/images/8/88/Ants.PNG/revision/latest?cb=20100301232933" height="247" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another scenario is to have her imagine shrinking again and a beautiful bird comes down, takes her up on his back, and flies with her up to the clouds. Describe what it’s like high above the earth, and how everything looks different. Again talk about what kinds of games little birds play that can fly through the sky. Or have the bird take her through a rainbow where everything is colorful and sparkly.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If she isn’t comfortable being small, have her imagine getting bigger and bigger until she towers over all the houses and makes friends of the tallest trees and wears the clouds in her hair. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With Active Boys</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I used to do this guided meditation with my very active young son, and it was especially helpful after he started school and had all sorts of stress at night. It was important we always stopped at the worry tree and left his worries there before we entered the garden. His favorite scenario was entering a huge old tree that had many rooms. Each room had something special--one had all kinds of good food, another had all the videos he could imagine, another had a pile of legos, another had toys he didn’t have but wanted, like detective toys, another had live action figures like superheroes or cowboys or knights that all wanted him to come join in their adventures. He spent many nights imagining himself in the different rooms of that tree, and it always calmed him down so he went to sleep faster and easier.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheVjE0d1t2j-P345r_fAB1axSt8NsxAkyZbhHz33RwJp5Xd4Vt2gTCPW599IdIe0TGDdPifyjS2yepcRNzlxDyim6GMibWaEYXIec52Kbh_C-xdj1ruu6s0whr0oHAo1UvzYf4cT8-vezB/s1600/Capturedg.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheVjE0d1t2j-P345r_fAB1axSt8NsxAkyZbhHz33RwJp5Xd4Vt2gTCPW599IdIe0TGDdPifyjS2yepcRNzlxDyim6GMibWaEYXIec52Kbh_C-xdj1ruu6s0whr0oHAo1UvzYf4cT8-vezB/s1600/Capturedg.PNG" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can begin using this technique as soon as they understand what you say, by two or three years old. The important things to remember are to always use a soothing voice, have them pay attention to their breathing for a while, leave their worries at the worry tree, describe the garden, then get them going on their own fantasy. This gives them something enjoyable to think about and seems to make it easier to fall asleep. I think it lessened the number of nightmares they experienced as well. Tell them you’re leaving and to continue to think about their “story” until you come back in 10 minutes. It reassures them that you will be back, and almost always they will be asleep when you do. Just be sure you actually return every time you say you will. Then in the morning let them know you did, but they were asleep so you left them alone.</span></div>
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<br /><br /><br /><br />Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-20728554041749026612015-12-12T19:54:00.000-08:002017-01-16T00:17:50.885-08:00God's Perfect, Imperfect Plan / Joshua Abbott<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.3333px; line-height: 29.44px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Mormonism may actually be the only religion that acknowledges that there are things that God cannot do, not because He does not want to, but because the power to do them does not exist, or that if He attempted to do them, He would actually cease to be God and all would collapse into chaos.</i></span></blockquote>
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<i style="font-family: calibri; font-size: 21.3333px; line-height: 29.44px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 21.3333px;">In a recent conversation relating to gays and lesbians in the LDS Church, a dear friend of mine said something that really stuck with me. He said something to the effect that he believed the Plan of Salvation is perfect, but that it doesn't seem so perfect in this instance. </span></i><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To be honest, I'm not sure I would describe the Plan as perfect, at least not without a very bold asterisk. It reminds me of a quote by Winston Churchill: "it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government except for all those other forms that have been tried." </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The problem with calling something "perfect" is that it can create certain implicit or subconscious expectations that the thing will be just as we would wish it to be, or that it would be free of negative aspects or terrible trade-offs. But such expectations are almost certain to be disappointed. I don't believe the Plan of Salvation is all that we would hope or wish it to be, but that it is perfectly designed to accomplish the purposes of a perfectly kind, loving, and merciful Father. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Similarly, when we say that God is "perfect," I don't understand that to mean that God is exactly as we would want or hope Him to be. Instead, I think it means that He lives in perfect compliance with eternal principles that govern all things, including Him. Or when we say He is "all-powerful," we don't mean He has the power to do anything, but, rather, that He has all the power there is. Mormonism may actually be the only religion that acknowledges that there are things that God cannot do, not because He does not want to, but because the power to do them does not exist, or that if He attempted to do them, He would actually cease to be God and all would collapse into chaos. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So no, I don't think we can say that the Plan is subjectively "perfect" any more than we can say that God can do anything or even that God Himself is "perfect" by any mortal definition. This may sound like semantics, but choice of language often makes up the greater part of meaning.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In fact, in some ways, the Plan is even worse than we often acknowledge. Just by presenting the Plan, Heavenly Father lost a third of his children. Those were our brothers and sisters, whom we may have spent eons growing close to, and there's no reason to believe we loved them any less than those we grow to love in this life, or that they were somehow inherently evil or inferior to us; in fact, descriptions of Lucifer before his fall suggest just the opposite. They did not even get the option to elect the status quo ante and continue as spirits in Father's presence, but were cast out forever. To any true egalitarian, the "Plan of Happiness" would be judged an abject failure right from the start. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And it doesn't stop there. Those who opted to follow the Plan would suffer greatly in mortality--especially the innocent--and most will never regain the Father's presence, regardless of all their efforts and the Savior's sacrifice. Viewed in that way, it sounds like a terrible plan.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yet, notwithstanding all of that, we literally shouted for joy when the Plan was adopted. I suppose one could argue that we did so naively, in lacking mortal experience, but we certainly weren't deceived about the realities of what lay ahead. Nor was our joy misplaced, because the Plan is also far more wonderful than we in the Church usually recognize. With very few exceptions (i.e., sons of perdition), everyone born on this earth will inherit a kingdom of glory. That's incredible, if you think about it. It means that any person you may talk to on the street most likely will, regardless of which Kingdom they inherit, become a being of such glory and light, that we in our current state could scarcely stand in their presence. That's not to say they (and we) won't have to go through great difficulties before getting there, but that will be the ultimate outcome.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We seem to have in Western society a cultural bias toward always being in first place, as if anything short of that were failure and that second place is just first loser. Sadly, that attitude seeps into our discussions of the Gospel as well. But if we could get a glimpse today of what the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom is really like, my guess is that we would fervently plead to opt out! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We might not even survive the experience of glimpsing it. Saying that most people will not inherit the Celestial Kingdom almost makes it sound like a popular nightclub with bouncers at the door to keep out the crowds of unworthy souls pressing to get in. But the likely reality is that no one currently living on earth would, in their right mind, want to enter, and most people never will want to, even in the resurrection. The only way we would ever actually want to experience that state of being is if, by then, we have become that type of being. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is where the Savior's mission, and our role within that mission, come into play. In addition to a universal resurrection, the atonement accomplishes at least two other things: </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First, it relieves us of the pain and suffering we experience as the consequence of sin, both our own sins and those of others.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Second, it transforms us into beings with the capacity to receive the glory that comes with inheriting a kingdom of glory. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christ's ongoing mission is to effect both of these changes for each of us to the greatest extent possible. Our divine privilege as members of His Church, is to be guided by the Holy Ghost to do and say the things that will help those around us receive these changes to the greatest extent possible, even as part of working out our own salvation with fear and trembling. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ultimately, I really don't understand the purpose of mortal suffering. Anyone who has heard of, for example, child soldiers, has to question the existence of a loving God. Saying that the atonement is infinite is really just an admission that we, with our finite minds, won't be able to fully comprehend it in mortality. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It may turn out, however, that each of us knew and accepted the circumstances of our mortal life before coming here. If so, I like to think we did so with the understanding that those circumstances were individually tailored to optimize our individual progress toward eternal joy. In some cases, certain individuals may have been willing to accept particular conditions only with the assurance that you or I would find them during this life and provide them with the love and encouragement they would need. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Remember the </span><a href="http://judyandlloyd.blogspot.com/2008/11/parable-of-divers.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #196ad4; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Parable of the Divers</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, in which a young diving competitor who appeared to be doing badly on each dive actually won after accounting for the high degree of difficulty of the dives he was attempting. We can only perceive performance, but degree of difficulty is just as important. Based on that principle, I believe many of us will be surprised, if not shocked, by who we would meet in the Celestial Kingdom.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 21.333333333333332px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The only way through this or any difficulty is to hold onto faith. Faith is such a powerful thing because it opens the door to Hope, which in turn leads to Charity. And that's when everything changes. </span></div>
<br />Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-33686522929393816392015-11-25T17:43:00.000-08:002015-12-18T23:57:45.837-08:00Judy - Discipline Is Not a Dirty Word #29<br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I once had a co-worker with two children who never set </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">any</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> limits for them. Those kids were scary to be around because you never knew what they would do next. I saw them suddenly start screaming, or climb up on my desk, or tip over all the potted plants, and their mother never said a word. I often thought if it were scary to be around them, think of how scary it must be to </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">be </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">them. They kept pushing, trying to find the limits of their world, and there weren’t any. As a result, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">no one</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> wanted to be near them, including kids their own age. In effect, they were frightened, lonely children because their parents didn’t know how to control their behavior.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Discipline is the system whereby we civilize our children to live peaceably and happily in our society. It is not necessarily punishment, although sometimes that too is needed. Mostly, however, it is teaching and guiding. Even very small children understand when you tell them in a certain tone that something is unacceptable behavior, so follow through by teaching them a better way. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Warnings </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">threats </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">are not the same thing, although some parents seem to use them interchangeably. A warning is a one-time statement that must </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">always</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> be carried out. A threat is an empty promise that probably won’t happen, a lie that betrays the reality and certainty of natural consequences. Don’t ever threaten to do something and then not follow through! I can’t say this strongly enough. If you ignore this advice and threaten without follow-through, you lose all credibility with your kids. You might as well save your breath because ever afterwards they will merely tune you out, no matter how dire your threats are. If you do finally snap and carry out a threat, your kids will be disbelieving and indignant. “What was that all about?” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also, Mom should never threaten their kids about what Dad will do when he gets home. What would you be teaching them about their father? Do you really want them to fear him? That doesn’t seem healthy for anyone.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I’ve said before, choose your battles carefully. What things can you be consistent about? These will probably be the same things you feel most strongly about. They will vary from family to family. Some parents can’t abide disorder of any kind, others will not allow sassing, still others will not condone any fighting. Whatever your strongest feelings are, that’s where you’ll be consistent. This is a good thing, because, frankly, consistency is one of the hardest things in the world to achieve when you live with kids day in and day out.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When our kids were younger, their friends all thought they had very strict parents. When they got older, their friends commented on how lenient we were. Guess what? We were the same parents. We may have been a little older and tireder, but we set certain standards when they were young so we could ease off when they became teenagers because </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">they had internalized those standards.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I once knew a family counselor who told me his philosophy: when kids are young, they need more Dad (meaning more structure and discipline) and less Mom (meaning gentle, loving acceptance). When they’re teenagers, they need more Mom and less Dad. In his opinion, problems usually arose when it was the other way around. He said what often happened was that dads left the care of their young children almost entirely to moms. But when their kids are teenagers, Dad panics and steps in with a heavy hand, trying to make up for years of his hands-off approach. This occurs just as the kids are trying out their independence. Not only does it not work--he can’t really change their behavior no matter how hard he comes down on them--but it also causes terrible rifts in the family.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">NATURAL AND LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Whenever possible use natural or logical consequences when your child misbehaves. Unfortunately, natural consequences can be dangerous. For example, the natural consequence of children running in the street is that they get hit by a car. Therefore, you try to come up with a logical consequence for the same behavior, such as not allowing the child to go in the front yard by himself. If a child won’t brush her teeth, the natural consequence would be that her teeth all rot and fall out. The logical consequence is not to allow her any sweets at all until she does brush her teeth. See the difference?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At one time we could not prevent our kids from climbing and jumping on the sofa. Granted, it was an aging couch, but it was the only one we had, and we wanted it to look as good as it could. Repeated scoldings made no permanent difference. After a lecture, they stopped jumping for a while, but soon they were back at it. I knew they just forgot in the frenz y of the moment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finally, thinking of logical consequences, we made the decree that no one except Mom and Dad could be on the sofa or </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">even touch it in any</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> way for one month. During this time they could sit only on the floor or a chair, not the sofa. The first few days there was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, but they eventually accepted the situation. To a child a month is an eternity, and so it seemed to them. They all remember sitting around on the floor because the sofa was off limits. Afterwards, when they were allowed back on the sofa, they were much more aware of what they were doing. For a long time, they treated that old couch respectfully and didn’t take it for granted.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There is a very good book on this subject called </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Parenting with Love and Logic</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by Foster Cline and Jim Fay, which we’ve found to a great resource. Here’s what Amazon.com says about it:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>This parenting book shows you how to raise self-confident, motivated children who are ready for the real world. Learn how to parent effectively while teaching your children responsibility and growing their character. Establish healthy control through easy-to-implement steps without anger, threats, nagging, or power struggles.</b></span></blockquote>
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-30651816097334446042015-10-18T23:59:00.001-07:002015-12-18T23:57:27.707-08:00Judy - Developing a Team Spirit #28<b id="docs-internal-guid-ec51af1a-7edd-d206-7d65-9f986145cf90" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Over the years we came up with several group activities that let our kids know they were part of something larger than themselves. When they felt like they were part of an important organization, like the family, they felt they mattered because the family mattered. This feeling not only strengthened their sibling relationships--they often stuck up for each other at school--but it cut down on friction inside the home as well. These activities are beyond the normal, everyday things like eating dinner and playing or reading aloud together. The following are a few of our favorite things to do:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I like you because...”</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> We occasionally devoted our weekly family council meetings to this ego-boosting exercise. Everyone formed a circle with one member sitting in the middle. Then we went around the family and each one told why they liked that person, why he/she was special, and what they especially enjoyed doing together. Each member of the family got a turn in the middle and even the very young ones, who might not have understood what was being said about them, loved all the attention. This activity was enjoyable for everyone, even me. We didn’t do this more than once a year or it would have lost its appeal.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Link by Link.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Since our family was so large, another popular game was to build a chain out of construction paper with each link representing one member. Everyone got to choose the color they wanted to represent them, and then we cut strips of equal length and width. As we linked the strips together in order of birth, we told each person’s story. First we interlocked Lloyd’s link with mine as we told how we met, courted and married. We then joined each child’s link to the chain and told stories about that person’s birth. We especially stressed how excited everyone was to see the new baby. When we were finished, we pointed out that every link was important and the chain would not be complete without any one link. We used to display these chains in the dining room for a month or so.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Family Tree.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> A more permanent exhibit in our dining room was an embroidered family tree that spanned five generations. It was often the focal point of dinner table discussions and was a conversation starter when guests came over. It was an enjoyable way for the kids to get to know something about their ancestors which included a German mercenary who deserted the British army during the American Revolution. He hid out with a colonial family and later married their daughter. Another ancestress was the person who wove a section of the red carpet for Queen Victoria’s coronation and later walked across the plains with a wagon train to settle in the Salt Lake Valley. Her wagon had to stop three days outside of Salt Lake while she delivered her baby. Our kids had grandfathers in World Wars I and II and learned their stories. Every family has inspiring people and events, and it makes kids feel good about themselves when they realize they are descendants of courageous people like these.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Family Videos.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> It’s a good idea to record important events like the first step, an elementary school program, holidays, or even just playing together. You’ll probably find that these are your kids’ favorite videos to watch. You could take it a step further and set up an interview station and invite relatives to sit down for a brief taping. Ask for a little personal history first, then lead into such questions as, “What are your funniest childhood memories?” “When you were growing up, which of your relatives did you especially admire and why?” “What traits would you say describe the family personality?” Have a list of questions ready and ask away. While we didn’t have the means to make these videos until later, we did have videos of two interviews of our family that appeared on nation-wide TV. We watched them over and over. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A Family Motto.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> When our kids were still small, Lloyd came up with a ditty we all chanted as we walked along: “We are the Abbotts, the mighty, mighty Abbotts! Everywhere we go-o-o-, people want to know-ow-ow, who we are, so we tell them...We are the Abbott’s, the mighty, mighty Abbotts...” Eventually the older kids didn’t appreciate singing this at the top of their lungs in public, but the younger ones sang out with gusto no matter where they were. When Kristen babysat another family, she taught their kids to sing our song, and I wondered how those parents felt about their kids singing, “We are the Abbotts...”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Seasonal activities.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Holidays are a natural time for tradition-building, everything from dying Easter eggs to decorating the Christmas tree. But beware--if you do something twice, it will become a hide-bound tradition that will be expected from then on. But this is a natural time for fun projects that involve the whole family. And maybe it’s even a case of the more the better.</span></div>
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<br />Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-49147585808038568232015-09-27T13:34:00.000-07:002015-12-18T23:57:02.226-08:00Judy - Implementing the TRC Bank #27<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO MAKE DECISIONS</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The TRC bank (Trust, Respect and Confidence, see </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><a href="http://judyandlloyd.blogspot.com/2015/09/judy-try-little-trc.html" target="_blank">Try A Little TRC</a></i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">) </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">allows parents to fulfill their primary function, that of mentor. By instilling values we teach them to make correct choices. Lloyd and I always felt that by age fourteen they should be able to make most of their own decisions. As mentors, we didn’t work hard to raise a bunch of independent thinkers only to clamp down on them when they started to think independently.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One spring we bought new bunk beds for the boys’ room. I listened as Lloyd discussed with 13-year-old Aaron how to arrange the room. Aaron asked, “Where should we put everything now?” Lloyd answered, “Well, it’s your room. How would you like it?” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Aaron thought a few minutes, then with Lloyd’s help they moved around the furniture. When they were finished, Aaron had done a good job of putting together a livable bedroom for himself and his brothers. But not matter how it looked, it was now </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">his</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> room, and he kept it cleaner than he had before.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Homework is another area for developing confidence. </span></div>
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<img border="0" src="http://www.kneebees.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/kids-study-cartoon.jpg" /></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I didn’t have to remind them to do it; by the time they were in middle school they knew better than I the stomach-churning consequences of unfinished assignments. Their homework was their business, not mine. I knew I would have resented it intensely if they came home from school and nagged me about the dishes not being done, or inquired sarcastically when I was going to make my bed.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This was not to say we were not extremely interested in how they did. If they brought home a poor grade, I hied myself down to the teacher to understand what happened and what we could do about it. And we helped when asked. I saw Lloyd struggle mightily with “word problems” and I had my share of typing late night term papers, and of course science fair projects often turned out to be major family undertakings. But in general we tried not to thrust our eager help on them uninvited.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The same went for bedtime, within limits. I tucked in the little ones with songs and stories, but by age 12-14, their bedtime was more their own affair. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They could stay up as late as they wanted until 11:00 pm, which was lights out. They could get up as early as they wanted and most of the family was up by 5:30 or 6:00 because of paper routes and early classes. Having said that I have to add that I’ve seen cases where kids have so much homework they are up till the wee hours of the morning. I think this is terrible, and parents should intervene if possible to avoid this situation. If there’s nothing you can do, I don’t see any harm in letting them sleep all day on Saturday if they can. </span></div>
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<a href="http://jmanandmillerbug.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/sleeping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://jmanandmillerbug.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/sleeping.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I didn’t feel I was abdicating my role as a parent when I let my kids determine their own choices. On the contrary, besides making deposits in our TRC bank, I was preparing them to leave home successfully and be independent. Decisiveness is a skill we learn by making decisions, some of which may turn out to be wrong. After all, they do have “teenage brain” which is undeveloped and not quite mature. But it’s much better to make a few wrong choices while still at home where we can help than in the unforgiving world outside.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I mentioned to other parents that teenagers should be able to make most of their own decisions, there is usually a gasp and a shocked, “No way! My son/daughter couldn’t possibly...” It that’s true, it’s because the parents have not taught them how or let them try.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">WITHDRAWALS</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Parents do have to make TRC withdrawals at times by setting rules for the family. We found it much easier to set limits </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">before</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the teen years. We didn’t have many rules, but were were serious about the ones we did have. I tried to save my TRC withdrawals for important things and not expend much energy on trivial matters like haircuts. Or course your idea of what is important may differ from mine. So decide how strongly you feel about an issue before you make an issue of it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some of our statutes were unpopular--no single dating before the age of sixteen, for example. We acknowledged their feelings but still expected them to obey. A common statement heard about the food at the dinner table was, “You don’t have to like it; you just have to eat it.” The same principle applied to family rules.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was especially beneficial if the kids themselves could help formulate the rules as much as possible. As a family we tried to foresee and discuss potential problems. If 11-year-old Ben asked, “Mom, what would you do if I shaved my head and pierced my eyebrow, nostril and tongue?” or 17-year-old MaryRuth asked, “What if I went out on a date and didn’t come home till 5:00 am?” No matter how outrageous the possibility, I tried to remain calm and discuss consequences. Talking it over ahead of time would, I hoped, head off the actual occurrence.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But not always. Once I was home, reading a book and minding my own business, when Ben came home and said, “Look what me and James did at the mall!” I looked up and saw he was wearing an earring. For once I was caught by surprise and my careful facade shattered. I screamed and fell off my chair. Ben quickly exclaimed as he helped me up, “Not really, Mom. See they’re fakes that peel right off. Although now I know how you really feel about it.” Because we laughed about it later, this experience turned out to be a deposit and not a withdrawal.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If we can live and let live as much as possible, instead of trying to direct their every move, we can go far to bridge the generation gap as well as make necessary deposits in our TRC bank. I can testify that it is even possible to </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">enjoy</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> your child’s teenage years.</span></div>
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<br />Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-12380453493727837682015-09-13T00:43:00.000-07:002016-02-01T21:20:56.356-08:00Judy - Try A Little TRC #26<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When some of my children were teenagers, they came home from school one day and told me about a big discussion they’d had at lunchtime. Their friends had enumerated all the things their parents did that drove them crazy. They mentioned such parental foibles as refusing to let them choose their own friends and clothes, nagging them about chores and schoolwork, and showing a general lack of trust and respect. My kids said they had nothing to add to this litany of complaints and felt left out because things were different at our house.</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I remembered with gratitude a speech I’d heard from Stephen Covey many years before. I’d never forgotten it and tried to live by it. Covey said that in any relationship, but especially with our teenage children, we have a TRC Bank. The currency in this bank is Trust, Respect, and Confidence. As in any other bank, we need to keep the deposits ahead of the withdrawals. Whenever we demonstrate trust in our children, respect their abilities and opinions, and show confidence in their decisions, we make deposits. When we have to rebuke them, criticize them, or even just set limits, we make withdrawals. If we have not made enough deposits to cover those withdrawals, our relationship is overdrawn and on the way to bankruptcy. On the other hand, if we have a healthy balance in this bank, we add to their self-esteem and strengthen our connection.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One summer I worked part-time in the women’s section of a large department store. While there I saw the same scene enacted repeatedly: a mother and her teenage daughter waging a fierce argument over which swimsuit to buy the daughter. Looking at the suits, usually I couldn’t see much difference, even in price. I could understand the objection if the daughters wanted something totally sheer or a string bikini, or if it cost the earth. The argument, however, was usually over taste--the mother’s versus the daughter’s. These mothers were making withdrawals on already shaky accounts over something that was essentially unimportant.</span></div>
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<a href="http://g03.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1jNNzHVXXXXakXXXXq6xXFXXX5/Kids-Girls-Swimwear-Rapunzel-Swimsuit-tangled-Kids-girls-summer-Ariel-swimsuit-brand-child-Monster-high-cartoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://g03.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1jNNzHVXXXXakXXXXq6xXFXXX5/Kids-Girls-Swimwear-Rapunzel-Swimsuit-tangled-Kids-girls-summer-Ariel-swimsuit-brand-child-Monster-high-cartoon.jpg" height="320" width="280" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wanted to shout at them, “For heaven’s sake, she’s going to wear it, not you!” I knew when the girls were forced to submit, they would be resentful every time they wore that blasted swimsuit.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When my own girls wanted to buy swimsuits, I assumed they knew our standards of modesty, recommended what they should spend, and let them do their own shopping. They were capable, intelligent girls, and their taste in clothes differed from mine because the current styles were more important to them. If they did make a mistake and buy something horrible, they soon knew it by the reaction of their peers without my saying a word.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Of course I didn’t teach them to buy clothes that summer. Even in first grade they had definite ideas about what they liked to wear. When we went shopping, I mentioned price and modesty and then let them choose their own clothes.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are many other ways we make TRC deposits and withdrawals with our kids. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">TRUST</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I once heard an example of parents </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">not </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">trusting their son, a 13-year-old seventh grader. Two of the boy’s classmates accused him, as a joke, of threatening them with a knife in English class. The vice principal investigated and was about to call his parents when the teacher said the accusation was ridiculous and nothing had happened. The boy was relieved because he told my son, “My dad never would have believed me. He would have believed those other guys, and I don’t know what he would have done to me.” Whether this was true or not, he believed it. He honestly thought his father had no trust in him.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve been asked, “What about friends? What if your child suddenly takes up with a real scumbag?” When I was a teenager, one of my best friends had a boyfriend her parents didn’t like. They constantly criticized him and finally forbade her to go out with him. Like a Victorian heroine, she left the house with her friends, then left us to meet him. We watched this go on for months and often talked about it. Frankly, we didn’t like him either. Our teenage wisdom told us her parents were going about it all wrong. “If they had trusted her,” we told each other, “she would have seen by herself the kind of guy he was.” Eventually, she told us she was only dating him to spite her parents because by then she didn’t like him either. Meantime, she had wasted nearly a year on that loser. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">RESPECT</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our neighbors had a teenage daughter who babysat for her two little brothers after school while her parents worked. She told my daughter she didn’t mind babysitting so much, although it was hard to clean the house, do the laundry, and fix dinner when she had a lot of homework. But what infuriated her almost to the point of running away was being taken for granted. Her parents disregarded her efforts, and treated her the same as her brothers--ordering her to go to bed, criticizing her clothes, etc.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I listened to this girl talk to my daughter, I could see she was crying out for respect and appreciation. Her parents could have made large deposits in their TRC bank if they had treated her as a third partner in the family organization. They had given her many adult responsibilities with no adult rights and privileges. I knew two other families in almost the same situation, and in both cases the girls left home prematurely: one married at sixteen and the other ran away and got pregnant. A little appreciation would have made a big difference.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A less spectacular but still important way to show respect for children is to </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">believe </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">them. When mine told me they didn’t feel well enough to go to school, I always let them stay home and it never got out of hand.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEiSTtDL9C9-M8RfnfPIOqktY7UMrECHXrUPqa8hNJX_TNKVS4sEOPZ0sUMc8TcEG7H5bKqhviJO_togqOAVMMgd9FWDBDvKQXJ4cLqjMUc0kMMf1v9rREGty_ETDQRhZDnfdEUZ_gaVut7hLqC4UwELdgH6u39bFAW_5A=" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEiSTtDL9C9-M8RfnfPIOqktY7UMrECHXrUPqa8hNJX_TNKVS4sEOPZ0sUMc8TcEG7H5bKqhviJO_togqOAVMMgd9FWDBDvKQXJ4cLqjMUc0kMMf1v9rREGty_ETDQRhZDnfdEUZ_gaVut7hLqC4UwELdgH6u39bFAW_5A=" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once my 10-year-old daughter had just had a new haircut. As she was about to leave for school, I said, “Your hair needs brushing; let me do it.” When I brushed it all the curl went out of it, and she sank down on the stairs in tears. She sobbed, “I just spent an hour trying to curl it with a curling iron. Now they’re going to say I look like a boy again!” I felt terrible for her and I said, “Honey, do you want to stay home this morning? We can fix your hair, and you can dry your eyes. Then I’ll take you to school at lunchtime.” And that’s what we did. On the note to her teacher I said she wasn’t feeling well that morning--perfectly true.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I shudder to think what would have happened to our relationship if I had ignored her feelings, rushed her out the door because she was going to miss the bus, and sent her off to school in tears. Admittedly this was easier for me because I wasn’t rushing off to work myself. But even if i had been, I like to think I would have found some way at that moment to ease her bruised feelings, maybe simply by acknowledging them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">CONFIDENCE</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One day Kristen, 15, came home and told me about a conversation she’d had with a friend at school. Her friend had complained, “Don’t you hate it when your mother tells you to do the dishes, then says, ‘Be sure to scrape the plates and don’t forget to turn on the dishwasher.’ Don’t you </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">hate</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> it when she tells you step by step as if you didn’t know anything?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kristen replied, “I sure would if it ever happened.” She told me she was glad that when I gave her a job, I let her do it. In other words, I showed confidence in her ability. She had been doing dishes, as well as many other chores, for years and by now we both knew her capabilities. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I saw the sad results of too little confidence and too much parental interference among my college roommates. One of my first roommates agonized every morning about what to wear because her mother had always laid out her clothes for her. When she left for college without her mother, she was in trouble. Several other girls could not make themselves study because the habit had never been internalized. Their parents had always told them when to study and how to do their homework. Suddenly, there they were, far from home and on their own, nobody nagging them to hit the books, and they folded. Because their parents evidently had no confidence in them, the girls failed to develop the necessary skills and confidence in themselves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today we would call these people “Helicopter parents.” It’s my belief they do their children no favors. I would even go so far as to say they are </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">crippling </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">their kids’ ability to navigate in the real world. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Children are like sponges who soak up everything we say to them. If we say, “You’re so stupid or clumsy or slow,” they believe it and act accordingly. If we let them know we think they’re beautiful or smart or funny or creative, they will believe it and that is how they will act. The trick is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">how</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to let them know.</span></div>
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<a href="http://cdn3-www.momtastic.com/assets/uploads/2010/09/file_106826_0_100908-mom-hugging.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn3-www.momtastic.com/assets/uploads/2010/09/file_106826_0_100908-mom-hugging.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We know it’s important to praise our children, at least I hope we know this, but there is a right way and a not-so-right way to do it. The best way is to </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">DESCRIBE </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">what you are praising: “I see a nice, clean room with all the clothes picked up and the bed made.” Then say how you feel about it: “It makes me feel grateful because now I won’t have to do it.” I heard of one mother trying to come up with something positive who finally looked up and said, “You have a beautifully clean ceiling.” </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="http://tx.english-ch.com/teacher/len/messyroom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://tx.english-ch.com/teacher/len/messyroom.jpg" height="249" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The less-right way is to say, “You’re wonderful.” Although it might sound good, often kids think to themselves, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah, but if she really knew what I’m like, she wouldn’t think that.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One of the best books I’ve read on the subject is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by Adele Farber and Elaine Mazlish. Yes, they are the same ones who wrote </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Siblings Without Rivalry</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. They not only tell how to use praise effectively, but also some of the problems with praise. For example, it can make the child doubt the praiser, i.e. “You look so pretty in that outfit,” might lead to: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">she obviously doesn’t know what looks good on me.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> A better way could be to say/describe, “That looks like it fits you. How does it feel?” This puts the deciding back on her shoulders and lets her know you have faith in her ability to shop.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Believe it or not, praise can also be threatening. “You did that project perfectly. Good job.” He might think, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">but how will I do next time?</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> So describe what you see: “I see there is a lot of information on the poster and yet it is very neat and easy to understand.” This lets him know he did a good job because you’re saying the project was well done.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Vague, nebulous praise can even appear manipulative. “I think you’re great,” might make him think, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">why is she saying that? What does she want from me? </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So try something like, “I couldn’t help but notice how nice you were to that little kid. I feel so proud when you do that.” </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Done well, appropriate praise can not only help a child’s self-esteem, but also help your relationship with him.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">APPEARANCE</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another way that kids can feel good about themselves depends on how they look, or at least how they think they look. I found it was helpful to go to their school occasionally and see how the other kids were dressed. It can be enlightening and comforting to see all the boys slouch around with their shirts out, or all the girls’ hair looking like birds’ nests. My feeling is your child should fit in as much as possible among their peers. One caveat is modesty and safety-- if the order of the day is a sheer blouse with no bra, forget it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Contrary to popular opinion, you don’t have to spend an arm and a leg to dress them well either. I read about one family making $150,000 a year that had to “scrimp and save to outfit their kids for school.” Phooey! You don’t have to dress them </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> well, and if you feel like you do, maybe they should go to a different school. Besides, if you succumb to such pressure, what values are you teaching them anyway?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve been surprised how very young children can be so opinionated about what they wear. I know several toddlers whose mothers won’t buy anything unless it’s kid-approved because that tiny little person absolutely will not wear it unless they like it. You mothers know who they are, and all I can say is Good Luck. Maybe when they go to school their peers will let them know whether an outfit is acceptable or not.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJPmoMdRMaNPWrdh7faWT7BSDKkEHOPTV3_nLaAu0D8mT1j4XgSUJ16c4EMYcP0Mi9tSjHu2k0cqnv5V6Wf1_lj3mN3Y8aQqG69Lv8zwOzCM2umXoUGgfRQ4lE0mqTTVq9rYl6kHRtRGo/s1600/mismatch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJPmoMdRMaNPWrdh7faWT7BSDKkEHOPTV3_nLaAu0D8mT1j4XgSUJ16c4EMYcP0Mi9tSjHu2k0cqnv5V6Wf1_lj3mN3Y8aQqG69Lv8zwOzCM2umXoUGgfRQ4lE0mqTTVq9rYl6kHRtRGo/s1600/mismatch.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another aspect of appearance is cleanliness. It’s amazing how much difference it makes to the presentation not only of clothes but also to the wearer. Some kids, mostly girls, are naturally clean and will pretty much take care of themselves. Others, (I don’t want to seem sexist here, but frankly it’s mostly boys) need lots of help keeping clean. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Parents can start when they are babies to get them into the habit of a daily bath. I have to admit I was not very good at this. When I had six kids under eight, I only bathed the dirtiest ones every day, and the whole bunch only on Saturday nights. Fortunately as they got older they were able to take care of their own personal hygiene and then they did much better.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hairstyles are a surprisingly large area of contention between parents and children--again, even the young ones. Both of you may have strong feelings about hair and those feelings may not coincide. It might be helpful to see how all the other kids look and try to fit your idea into their idea of what’s cool in some kind of compromise. Some people spend all their energy into how their kids’ hair will look and then their parental credibility is shot for more important issues. My personal feeling is that hair is some of the “small stuff” as in “don’t sweat the small stuff.” Let them be embarrassed years from now by their class pictures, knowing it was their own fault and not yours. </span></div>
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7318751783312492556.post-47113926373722733502015-08-22T11:16:00.003-07:002016-10-27T10:52:19.397-07:00Judy - Self-esteem Part 2: Attention and Touch #24<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>ATTENTION</b></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-508343ec-569c-5df0-76b4-4caecaa76cb8" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One evening when I was a teenager my mother was fixing dinner, and my three-year-old brother wanted to tell her something. She kept murmuring, “Mmmm-hmmm,” while obviously concentrating on her cooking. Finally, he pulled on her apron and said, “No, Mama. Listen with your </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">eyes</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.” In other words, pay attention to me. Let me know I’m important enough for you to attend just to me.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.listenlovelearn.com/wp-content/themes/lll/images/headers/process-listen-love-learn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.listenlovelearn.com/wp-content/themes/lll/images/headers/process-listen-love-learn.jpg" height="129" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When you can manage this, children get the message that they are of worth. Sometimes, of course, this is hard to do, especially when they talk at you constantly. And, frankly, most of what they say can be boring. Just do the best you can most of the time. I once read something that made a lot of sense: “Sometimes kids need a good listening to rather than a good talking to.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Paying attention, however, means you should do more than listen to them when they talk. It also means notice them, look at them, study them, delight in their sweet faces, enjoy their gap-toothed smiles, appreciate their sturdy little bodies and their delicious little-kid smell. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This need to pay close attention holds true for all the stages of childhood. Sometimes it seems like people stop parenting when their child becomes a teenager. Just because you no longer need to monitor every oral and anal process, don’t abdicate your role altogether. The fact is, adolescence is a vulnerable age when they need you to attend to them more than ever. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Are you aware of what is happening in their lives? Do you know what classes they’re taking and how they’re doing in school? Who are their teachers and what are their favorite subjects? Do they have friends--this is a big one--and who are they? Can you tell if they’re being bullied, because they might not tell you. What are their strengths and what do they feel are their inadequacies? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I recently heard that there are classes that teach parents what to look for if their child is using drugs. What does this say about how much we are paying attention to our kids? I may be naive, but It seems to me that if parents spend a lot of time with their children, they will naturally pick up signs of unhappiness and possible drug use. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>TOUCH</b></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When my first four children were little, a new neighbor came to visit. We sat in the living room and talked while our kids tumbled around us. When she rose to leave, she commented, “You are the kissingest mother I’ve ever seen. When any of your kids come within arm’s distance, they get grabbed and kissed.” She was right. I felt like it was one of the privileges of parenthood.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some people might not be comfortable with this degree of physical affection, but lightly laying a hand on a child’s shoulder while talking to him, or gently straightening his hair when he is close by will go a long way. And again, physical contact should not end when that child becomes a teenager. Touching, along with attention, also gives the message: I love you; you are important to me.</span></div>
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<a href="http://peaceinyourhome.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/listening.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://peaceinyourhome.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/listening.jpeg" height="191" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Studies have shown that children need touch like they need food to survive. We’ve all heard stories about babies in orphanages who actually died because of the lack of touch. On the other hand, babies in Africa thrive who are slung on the mother’s back all day and sleep next to her at night. I believe that not only do babies need the touch of their mother, but mothers also need the touch of their babies. One doctor said the gestation period for human babies was in fact close to eighteen months: nine months inside the mother’s womb and nine months outside, but still needing to be closely attached--sort of like the kangaroo.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As children grow, their constant need for touch may subside a little, but it never goes away. We are a sociable species who need contact, including physical contact, with others. There is even a malady called “skin hunger” which often afflicts older people who have no one to touch any more. (I realize that young mothers who have children constantly hanging on them might find this hard to believe.) The gentle touch of a mother or father speaks volumes to a child about how they feel about her whether she is two or twenty. As a daughter, and also as a mother and a mother-in-law, I still need to give and receive these tender contacts. As the saying goes, everyone needs a hug occasionally.</span><br />
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Judy and Lloyd Abbotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05782129423629156446noreply@blogger.com1